Second Helpings

Letter of Complaint

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have put off writing this letter for quite some time now, but feel it has reached the point where I must complain. I know I speak for the majority of the population of the United Kingdom, so I hope you will take my concerns seriously. The present conditions are doing nothing for the people, animals and economy of our country and I really think things need to change dramatically and very soon.

We all try to do our best for the planet and be careful with our carbon footprints, but having to have heating and fires on at all times is damaging the planet, although we realise the energy companies will be rubbing their hands with glee. We are also forced into using our washing machines and driers too frequently, as we have no choice but to keep on wearing and washing our thermals, wooly socks, hats, scarves, gloves and have no chance to hang them out to dry.

It isn’t only we humans who are suffering either. The poor birds out there should be building nests and laying eggs, not struggling to find food for survival. Poor little lambs are being lost daily as they cannot survive in these conditions and wild animals are having a hard time finding food and shelter. Not to mention the flowers trying to flourish and buds waiting to open. Our chickens are holding onto their eggs and how on earth you expect the Easter bunny to deliver is beyond my comprehension.

Farmers are exhausted trying to save animals and crops. Many working folk out there are at the end of their tether trying to cope with daily tasks which by now should be easy to complete, but are made complex by your failure to provide clement conditions. Shops are filling up with summer clothes and sandals, but how will they make any profit if we are forced to stay at home? Even if we brave the elements, removing five layers of clothing to try on a summer dress is hardly an incentive. Anyway, the only places we could possibly wear anything scanty are abroad, but airports cannot promise flights or even to be open. As an amateur writer I am also concerned about any resident poets who are usually inspired to write about Spring.

The nation’s health is strongly under threat with no melatonin, Vitamins C and D available, plus the grey skies leading to extended depression and SAD. Children are failing to learn with all these school closures and broken limbs from falling must be at an all time high, filling up our already overcrowded hospitals. Many of us are advised to lose weight, but how can anyone diet when only carbohydrates and fatty foods will keep us warm? As for exercise, the only choices available are skiing or sledging, if indeed you can stand the freezing temperatures and bitter winds.

You have failed to provide a decent summer for several years now, we have endured torrential rain and floods for almost all of last year and this winter has seen more of the white stuff than any mere mortal should have to tolerate in a lifetime. It is now over a week into so called spring and we are still knee deep in the stuff and shivering under blankets, hugging hot water bottles. Please note the song is called White Christmas not White Easter. Therefore, I think you owe it to us all to do something about this situation and provide your citizens with some decent, dry and warm weather. Thank you in anticipation.


Yours Faithfully,

The frozen British Public.