Second Helpings

Here we go Again

Once the word December is on everyone’s lips then retail hell surely follows. My heart bleeds for the poor shop assistants run off their feet with rude and impatient customers, while being subjected to endless rounds of repetitive Humbug music. Being a customer in shops at this time is bad enough, but to actually spend all day, every day surrounded by this annual torture must be a living nightmare.

Every year I ask what is the matter with people who are so obsessed by this one day of the year that they can think of nothing else and seem to actually enjoy all the mayhem and superficial jollity leading up to it? I have yet to find a satisfactory answer. If you didn’t know already I’m probably the biggest Humbugger on the planet and I make no secret of it.

On December the first I went to our Post Office come chocolate shop to send an item I had sold on ebay. The queue snaked out the door, full of those who just can’t wait to get their parcels and cards in the post. I notice the cost of sending parcels abroad has risen to almighty heights and probably far exceeds the value of the contents. I no longer do that, even the cards sent out of the country require a stamp far in excess of the price of a card.

Next we visited the supermarket, where no trolleys were available. Again, I ask why people need to start stocking up so much food almost four weeks before the actual day? I suspect it’s a profit ploy, as retailers bask in the knowledge the goods will be too tempting and consumed well before the date, thus requiring a second trip to fill up the cupboards and fridge. How much food can people eat anyway?

I confess I’m one of those who prefers to shop online for presents and I don’t feel guilty for not supporting our shops. The range of items online far exceeds the goods in the shops, they are generally a lot cheaper and I am spared the chaos, queues, irritating music and frayed tempers. But one thing I don’t buy online are cards, as I generally like to make my own or select appropriate ones for the right people.

So this week I bit the bullet and ventured into the city to purchase cards. As usual, I observe it’s not a good idea to be born, die, get married, be sick, move house or have a birthday in December. The selection of cards other than Humbug ones is severely limited and are usually just crammed into a tiny corner of the shop. With six birthday cards to send this month, I find this extremely annoying.

Next I attempt to select a few family Humbug cards and notice yet again the range of personalised cards increases every year. Not only can you find a card for your friends, neighbours, teacher, boss, ex spouse and secret lover, there is now the option to purchase one for the dearly departed, the unborn child, the plumber, window cleaner, dustman, butcher, baker and candlestickmaker.

But it’s as I fight my way to the family cards I discover the latest trend and have to scrape my eyes off the ceiling. There are now cards available for the family pets. Now, I’ve owned a lot of animals in the past and have never been averse to including them in the gift department at Humbug time, but I’m not sure there’s one animal alive that would be touched or appreciate a greeting card. It seems any way to make a profit is the aim of our manufacturers at this time of year.

I did contemplate purchasing one for our son’s cat Tommy just for a laugh, but then thought maybe the goldfish might feel left out if I didn’t get them one too and I couldn’t actually see one for marine species. I suppose I could always make them one. I am nothing if not sensitive, even if I don’t like Humbug.