Wondering about my Wanderings

How do I get what I want now?

The words that circulate through my body in ever increasing array are "How do I get what I want now?" I recently preached a sermon and feel like I am banging my head against a wall. All I want to do is copy a video tape that my pastor gave to me onto a DVD and am discovering through any number of sources that it is not as easy as it appears that on the surface. In other words it is going to cost you. My frustration seems to radiate out of this vortex. I want my life to be an open book without mystery. I scream out for some semblance of sanity in what appears to be an ocean of endless questions.

At some levels I can manipulate my ways into the outer recesses of this question. I can type my blog and eat what I want out of the refrigerator. I will go to work and talk to my wife. I will get groceries and medicine in a few minutes. The deeper core of who I am feels restless. The words about not being anxious seem to fall on deaf ears. I am a preacher who does not like being preached at. Another thought springs to my mind. What will happen when I do get what I want now? It a kind of scary to think about, especially if it is not what I expected it to be in the first place. God have mercy!