Wondering about my Wanderings

Who Reads These Things Anyway?

I think it funny that we can let the world revolve around us more than we let the world go around the sun. Today has been a very difficult day so that it seems only fair to vent and trust that someone reads a blog, even if that one person is God.

I called to see how mom was doing early in the morning. She had just got out of the hospital. All four of my sisters were there to cheer her up, which should have given me some idea that all was not well with family. It is interesting how the whole family becomes sick, when a key family member is having trouble. My sister Kim talked to me and about how well mom was doing.
"All of you sisters are here Gary. Mom is just happy to be home from the hospital. She just got out today."
From then on Kim served as an interpreter sharing my sentiments about wishing I was there and telling her how much I loved her. Mom has stage four aphasia, so it was understandable that she would want to speak for mom.

My brother called a short time after and told me that mom had a form of ALS and had about only a month to live. That was like a kick to the head and a blow knocking in the stomach. I could only think. You have got to be kidding me. What the hell is going on anyway.

I called my sister Lori who is a nurse. She let me know she had a disorder that was connected to ALS. It was called upper neuron disorder and there was no cure. She let me know she would eventually need a feeding tube. She talked a considerable time which include letting me know she was going to pay for a plane ticket to get me to Massachusetts.

My day seemed to go downhill from there. I called my ex wife of all people. I knew she was objective and would help my kids to understand apart from the theatrics that my family back East was famous for. I worked to check out who my supports would be and went to work.

I later got a call from my sister Melissa. She let me know that I had been protected from a lot of what was going on with my mother. Mom was having trouble breathing, was eating baby food and ensure, so that she would not choke to death and recently found out she had angina and was needing nitrate to keep her going. This was almost more than I could take.

I decided to talk with a childhood friend who was like family. He said to me over and over that mom was going to die if she did not get a feeding tube. It was up to me "the oldest" to force the agenda, since this was in the best interest of mom. I felt blown away by his approach to the issue. Wooooo. I then called another friend I have known a long time and his only response was "Is she saved?" I have a feeling the truth is somewhere between these two extremes. I left both conversations thinking how crazy these friends were and how crazy I was to call them friends. I put that aside after thinking about it. They are doing the best with what the know.

I leave thinking that the real issue is what is in the best interest of the family. Mom will survive. She always has. It is my siblings that I worry about, in particular my sisters. Events like these are an opportunity to flex there muscles and compete for caring accolades. I sit out here wondering what my next move is. Prayer sounds good and writing this is good therapy. I know only that I will have a resource as I deal with families that are faced with similar issues. To God be the glory and if at all possible spare me the gory.