Wondering about my Wanderings

heartache

I have known heartache before, but not this much, at least up to the moment.
I had hoped that my daughter Julie would go with me to Massachusetts. Last Thursday she expressed a desire to go. She even seemed excited. She let me know she would rather go with me than on a trip with her mother and grandmother to West Virginia.


Early yesterday morning everything went crashing to a halt. Julie let me know that she could not go due to lab work at school. I was hoping she could go in August, but again she said no, because she had to get ready for grad school in Iowa. It is real hard to see my little girl grow up. I was a pastor before I was divorced from her mother when she was thirteen and was unable to maintain connection due to a need to work minimum wage jobs in an attempt at survival. Churches did not like the fact I was divorced which meant I needed to find employment elsewhere. Divorce is an awful monster. She is now in her twenties and a women. I get the gnawing gut feeling that I never even got a chance to know her. she shared there might be another time. I guess I was hoping she could be with my family back East before mom died. I guess it was not meant to be. I was dumb enough to broadcast that Julie was coming-OUCHH!!!