Wondering about my Wanderings

Mom

I talked to my mom today or was it yesterday. All the times spent all seem to run together. We talked about my dog Buddy, the weather, my kids and grandkids and just like that the conversation ended. It did not take anymore than three or four minutes because mom has a lot of trouble talking and she gets messages from all sides about what she is supposed to do. One specialist tells her not to talk at all and just maybe after resting her vocal chords she will speak again. Another specialist has her involved in speech therapy, which contradicts all that the other specialist indicates.

It is hard to watch mom become dizzy in the midst of so many specialists and doctors who claim to be purveyors of truth. I sit her somewhere near tears, no sure what to do or say. One part of me wants to talk and another does not want to talk too long. I can tell mom is just as confused as I am. I am in Kansas City and she is in Massachusetts and what makes it all the more difficult is that my present wife has not even met her. She chooses to not want to get involved. My ex is always asking. There was a semblance of relationship for nineteen years and more. That was how long we were married. My kids do not know what to do. They were all there for my dad's crisis, a few weeks before he died. They have had little or no contact with mom since the divorce twelve years ago. My brothers and sisters have families of there own. They offer support. One of my sisters has offered to pay for my plane ticket. I feel like I am in this alone and it hurts. How did it get this way. I am glad God has got a big hand. I am going to need it when I enter the chaos in person for the first time. God give me strength.