Perpetual Ruminations

Friday

Second time today for me to be in here, and that hasn't happened in a long time. It's kind of nice, but wish I wasn't so tired, and could accomplish more. I'll have to make it an early night tonight, and maybe tomorrow will be better. I know being tired is a big part of my problem.

My problem is getting motivated. Motivated to log in here and write, review, or just read. Motivated to get working on some of the many projects I have backlogged around here. Motivated to go visiting, or fishing, or most anything. It's not just getting motivated, that would not be a problem if things tended to work more according to the plan.

See, I used to be easily motivated and enjoyed having an exciting and spontaneous side to my personality. At the same time, I could also plan things out and set goals and tasks for myself. But, then I took this job and things kind of spiraled out of control. First it was my schedule, or actually, lack of having one.

I had one, and worked part-time. If it had actually worked out, it would have been a sweet set up. But, it never worked out, and I never knew when I would have a day off. It was horrid, to say the least. I would look at the schedule, see what days I had off, then make my plans. But, within a day or two, the schedule changed, and I was now working those days, and off different ones.

Shortly after, I became the supervisor, and did some cleaning up around the place. In time I had replaced all the original employees, not because I didn't try to work with them, they refused to work with me. I ended up with a few real good employees, but I also seemed to always have at least one problem child, too.

It still the same, only now it seems there are two problem children at work. One is just irresponsible and very much a kid, but at least he is willing to work his shifts, and is also willing to pick up if needed. He makes extra work for me, and can bee kind of a frustration at times, but nothing too serious. I just keep trying to find some way of getting through to him.

The other person just does not want to work. She is always talking about quitting, looking for another job, and just cannot do things according to the rules. This is the problem, that unmotivated me.

It's been someone right from the start, and it seems like I just cannot keep a schedule. I plan for my time off, but end up working instead, and it's gotten to the point that I don't even want to plan anything, because I fear it will not ever materialize. I still do make plans, and we did get out camping twice this summer, but again, it was close to getting shot down before we even got out the door.

Today I went in to work thinking I would only have three days to work, since I had to fill in for the problem child earlier in the week, but she showed up and told me she was thinking about quitting, it was just too much for her right now. We talked, and instead of having my Mondays off, I now work them. In fact, I have one from a planned schedule of working twenty hours a week to provide time for me to do other things, to working thirty plus hours and only having two days off a week. And, that is not carved in stone, she may need even more time.

Also, she has issues. It's always something, and it's always a dark cloud hanging over me. I never know when she will call and need to take one of the few days she works, off. And, it's getting worse. Imagine, working three six hour days, and having the easier shift to boot. And that's too much for her. She requested to go from eighteen hours down to twelve, cannot work weekends, and often needs to take one of her days off for personal reasons.

It's just frustrating, and I reckon I needed to vent. I reckon I also need to start doing some interviews and start cleaning house, again.