Everyday Canvas

The Hide-out Frame of Mind

Prompt: We all have those days.... you know the ones where you bite your tongue more times than not. Where do you go to hide out from everyone? Is it always the same place? Random?

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Some people build shelters; others make pockets and never get out of those. With me, it is never the same physical place but the emotional one: my insides. Even so, I never stay there for long for it is a lonely place made even lonelier by my infuriated disappointment in my own hiding as I am not into hiding all that much.

Once I’ve gotten over the dismal view in my insides, I escape into writing or reading or doing something away from those who made me bite my tongue, and bite my tongue, I do that a lot because if I let my tongue loose, what comes out could be more poisonous than a rattler’s venom.

Hiding for a while has its virtues. First, I avoid saying things I don’t really mean or, worse yet, saying what I really, truly mean but don’t want it to get out. Second, I highlight and emphasize the fact that I can survive without having to deal with people all the time. Barbara Streisand surely didn’t sing the song People who need people… for me. Not that I don’t need people. I surely do, especially those close to me in my life, but I don’t need some people all of the time.

I know people who cover up their negative reactions with a taut smile, which I almost always recognize and then boil inside. Thus, the whole thing turns into a negative reaction chain. I’d rather that person left the room or my side than me suddenly lashing out because, in old age fortified by high blood pressure, I may just do irreparable harm. Someone once said, “In the kingdom of glass everything is transparent, and there is no place to hide a dark heart.” No need for one dark heart to encourage another, is there?