Angel Whispers

Severe Struggle

Thank you for your wise words and care. I wish I could do as Chewie says and cry, scream, rant and go with my feelings. But they are locked in and all my thoughts are inward. I HATE depression. I have had bouts all my life and a really severe one about fifteen years ago. I don't know how I got out of it but I know I did it myself. I am incapable of doing that right now. My family are little help and some have caused me a great deal of hassle and pain. My friends try to help, but their lives continue the same and their conversation does not catch my attention. I can barely eat and only sleep with medications. There is no joy in anything and people seem to have forgotten I have a huge reason to be so depressed. I resent everyone still having their lives in tact while mine has shattered. I have suffered so much heartache and dealt with such a lot over the last fifteen years and somehow coped. This time I have cracked and am being hard on myself. My brain does not want to be sad but circumstances cannot be ignored. Writing a bit about my whirling head is all I can manage. I wish I could focus on other things but there is no pleasure in the things I used to do. Apologies for not reading other blogs, something I always tried to do. Maybe I should write the whole painful story in parts since my husband's death if you could bear with me. It's all I have in my head apart from the terror of this depression. Thanks for your support. Sometimes I think people on here understand me more than those in real life.