Can We Talk 2

Writing For Others

         I am conflicted about letting others look at my writing. Strangers, nameless people on the web, and readers who can't see me don't bother me. But I don't like having people who know me, who work with me, attend church with me, or who are related to me looking at my writing.

         Maybe it's their judgment I fear. Having a relative disapprove might hurt my self-esteem, or may just make me angry. Maybe their good opinion of me will falter. Maybe they'll know me just a little too well if they know what my mind is capable of thinking. I guess I fear altering our relationships in a negative way.

         But with strangers, it's not so scary. If they don't like what I write, they move on. If they do like it, they might encourage me. Even if they hate it, there's no lasting damage done. I was a little intimidated when I first started showing my work, even to strangers. Now that's better. When the criticism was just, I took it under advisement. At other times, I've taken it with a grain of salt or chose to ignore it, No use getting angry or reacting to someone with an ax to grind.

         Possibly I have multiple personalities that blend together for me, but that my acquaintances might not be able to reconcile. For instance, how could someone so sweet and docile be capable of writing violence or horror? How could a spiritual person have those thoughts?

         I'm working on it. I guess I'll never reach the point where I don't care what anybody thinks. But I'm trying to build a tougher skin and taking a chance. I can tell myself all the right things. Like you don't live your life to please everyone else, why write that way? And don't let someone else's notions or misconceptions limit your creativity. But it's not sinking in very fast. My goal is to write for me. I need to say that every day.