Angel Whispers

Who Do You Think You Are?

We’ve all tried tried them haven’t we? Those Facebook quizzes informing us what sort of people we are and what characteristics we have; good and bad. Of course we all know they’re random, but often we like to think the adjectives used are appropriate, particularly the good ones.

Lately I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the problems that seem to come my way far too often and wondering if it’s just chance or something in my character. I’ve started to question why I seem to attract conflict and aggressive, volatile people.

So my question is do we really know who we are? Can we really describe ourselves accurately? Do we have a different perception of ourselves to how other people see us?

I don’t think I know who I am or what I’m like in the eyes of others. I try to be considerate, compassionate, understanding and always attempt to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before judging. I believe I’m too soft, generous, oversensitive and prone to negativity. I’m pretty sure I’m not racist, sexist, narrow minded or opinionated to the point where it would alienate other people. I believe I'm pretty sociable and try to get on with people avoiding animosity at all costs. On the downside I know I can be impatient, stubborn, cynical and too much of a perfectionist.

But then in every direction I look there are relationship problems. My stepdaughter and her family and my brother-in-law have chosen to cut me off completely. That would not have been my choice, but I feel there is little I can do about it. My daughter-in-law swings from love to hate and it’s very difficult to maintain a balanced relationship with her. My son stays with her for the sake of the children and in the knowledge that splitting up would create an extremely difficult situation.

This week I have experienced more aggression and upset because someone I know cannot understand why I cannot just drop everything and alter my plans to fit in with their expectations. This has caused a rift and I know yet again I am being judged as the one at fault. My problem is whatever happens I am always left feeling guilty and questioning what I could have done to avoid these situations.

It seems some people are predisposed to create and even enjoy conflict. But then I question if there is something in my nature that attracts it when consciously it is the last thing I want. Deep down is it me who has a problem?

I made a decision a while ago regarding other people. Since moving house I have made every effort to keep in touch with friends near and far and to meet people no matter how much travelling it has involved. Now I leave the ball in their court. I have done my bit and I’ve tried my best to maintain relationships and peace. The rest I leave to fate.

The only people I want and need in my life are those who are honest, gentle, understanding and don’t play mind games. I am lucky because I know quite a few people who fit into this category already. The rest have something to prove because I”m not responsible for their problems and I’m no longer prepared to be the brunt of their frustrations.

Whether we are born with certain character traits or acquire them is an old and complicated debate. We’re all wired up differently for whatever reasons, but that shouldn’t cause disputes or make us not care about others. Sometimes it’s better to trust ourselves rather than the opinions of others.

I also question why I spend so much time analysing instead of focusing on simpler matters like the price of carrots.