thoughts, words, deeds

but sometimes I just don't want to say anything

“When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.” - Audre Lorde

Do you agree or disagree? Have you seen situations where women have hesitated speaking about a topic even though they are very knowledgeable but feared their opinion wouldn't be welcome?



Well, this is an interesting sentiment. I personally don’t have much trouble making myself heard. I don’t feel silenced or that my opinions or words would be unwelcome. When I am silent it is generally because I don’t have something to say. But ultimately, I agree. It’s better to speak. As long as there is something to say, and we’re not speaking just because we’re afraid of not being heard.

I do wonder why the prompt talks specifically about women, because I think that this is more a human problem. I’ve known men who express opinions, not because they have something to say, but because they’re afraid of being unnoticed if they don’t speak. Which is not quite the same thing, but I think it is similar.

The thing is, I’ve been in higher education for most of my adult life in one capacity or another, and there is the tendency in higher education to give everyone a voice, as long as the professor gets the last and loudest one. I know, that’s a generality, and so I could argue the other side of it if I tried. I have seen students who have hesitated speaking about a topic that they knew about, but I don’t think it was because they feared their opinion would be unwelcome. Certainly, I hope that was never the case in my classrooms.

As a student, I remember being infuriated with one teacher who said that I should not ask questions in a class, because I knew more than some of the other students who didn’t know as much. I lost a lot of respect for that teacher, because I felt that because I knew the questions to ask, it was probably better for those who were less comfortable in the subject.

Which leads me to a tangent—when my sister was in college she took a Math class. She was a transfer student, and had taken the same class with the same textbook in her previous college, but because the credit hadn’t transferred in, she was stuck in this class. And so, she sat in the back, not saying anything most of the time, but when she spotted the poor Graduate Student who was the teacher making a mistake, she would raise her hand and ask, “I’m sorry, could you explain that again?” The teacher would turn to the board, catch himself, correct the error, and go on. By midterms, Joy had him trained that as soon as she raised her hand, he’d turn around and look for the error.

That’s the kind of help that a knowledgeable student adds to a classroom, and if they aren’t willing to speak up, the class suffers.

I know that the ideal atmosphere of dignity and respect doesn’t always exist in conversation, but I can’t think of a situation where I would hesitate to speak up, if it was in my area of expertise.

And yes, I’ve seen women (and men) hesitating to speak up, maybe out of fear, but also because of respect to whoever is talking or a desire to keep the conversation on topic—and that is a perfectly valid thing as well. Silence doesn’t equal fear.

And probably, the original quote didn’t mean it quite that way. But it feels as though it is condemning silence. And sometimes silence is better than what would be said to break it. if that makes sense. It probably doesn’t. I’ll have to think about this some more.