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My attempt to Journal in public- I may get shy or not. Let's see. |
| I am searching for myself- anyone seen me lately? I have just turned 50 and feel like I am about to embark on a new journey. I have always kept a very secret and private journal of thoughts and ideas. Mostly, I have erratic memories and events jotted down with the occaisional sprinkling of philosophical thoughts spiced with ruminations. I am not always so willing to share. Twenty years ago I was in grad. school working hard. A stomach ache sent me to a doctor who eventually arrived at the estimation that I had about 8 years left to live (under the best conditions). I dropped out, buried myself in the mundane living of raising a family, savoring just about every minute. It is now 20 years later and I am going strong. So, what happens next? I guess we'll see. |
| Ok, I am not going to put up much here today. Spring has sprung here in the Atlanta area. Last week the outside temps got up to 80 degrees. Over the weekend the quick rain shower on Friday night left this weekend cool, bright and sunny. Azalea bushes and Dogwood trees are making the landscapes brightly magical. The only real trade off is the pollen output... everything outside has this thin, green dusting. And, don't even think you are going to wash it off. That is just an invitation for the next coating to stick. And, yes, before you even get the front half of the car dry... the back half is covered again. In another week or so... then wash the car. I remember growing up, this time of year my dad practically lived off Contact antihistamines and juice. I, thank you God, inherited more of my mother's genes when it comes to pollen sensitivity... although, right at the moment I am feeling kind of stuffy, just not incapacitated in any way. I do tend to do the heavy fluid intake... mostly water, but I do indulge in much coffee and juice, when the mood hits. I've pulled the bike out of storage (for lack of a better sounding word than neglected on the back porch). I found yesterday that it still does it's job, but the engine (me) does need some heavy tuning up. But, I made it out and back in the same morning. Anyway, I have just a tad more time before I head to Hartsfield/Jackson (and if my friend John Naugle has is way about it- we'll add Carter/King/Gandhi to the list- a couple of local Nobel prize winners and someone who should have won) to welcome my wife home from a trip. I dropped her off a few days ago, and tonight is the scheduled return flight. She was being paid to deliver a workshop for Early Childhood providers and teachers... and I am not sure what the topic was this time. In the past she has done them on Relationships between providers and parents, Sex ed- what is normal for pre-K types, The difference between boys and girls, Diversity training and cultural observations she has over her 30 years providing education and care for those of us younger than 5. That sort of stuff. Me? I do Geography Databases and usually stay closer to home. Oh, looks like time is up for this session... and, yes, I know... I really should be doing this more often... |
| Ok, I don't actually have much to say today. I seem to have dried all up with words and stuff. I might even end this slow running torture of myself. I keep wanting to say something witty or deep or both... and it all keeps coming up trite or smug or cynical to my ear. Ok... I won't stop writing... and actually can't, even if it is only in a private journal or diary (I keep changing focus from page to page). And, here it is a new year... yeah... one more time around the sun. I have heard that setting goals helps some folks get things done. I just find that I usually have a list of things that are still looking at me in December going...hey, what about us? Yeah, I meant to get around to you. Like I meant to get around to doing more words here last time around the sun. Stuff happens... more like, interesting to me stuff happens and this takes a back seat for a while (or month or year). Then, I don't make notes or something... and, poof! Monkey Dust! It's gone. And, I sit here with a blank page and a blank mind, like now. Another method I have heard about is just sitting down and writing 3 pages a day. I think she means 3 large pages not the index cards I usually write on for notes. It could mean three pages here... but some of that would not be fit for even me to say out loud to myself. I did do this for a bit a couple of years ago, and it is a method that loosens creativity right up. I might try it again... and it is best to do on a handwritten basis. Something about muscle coordination and handwriting seems to be the secret... but then I have to type things again. Bummer. Of course, that is the point, re-writing. Ouch. Ok, but what about leftys, like myself? I really do much better with linear stuff when typing. The hand writing still is the best way for max creative output... just don't get dizzy reading it later. The biggest challenge here and anywhere...is- What is the focus? What do I want to write about? One thing I did for myself last year was to keep a list of the books I read and something about each one. I think it has helped... I read more books than I thought and I have a record of what the highlights are of each one. I tended to read heavily in the action/adventure category... maybe I should do more traveling myself this year. I guess we'll just have to see about that. So, for now out of here and let's see if I change my ever changing mind and show back up. |
| Just looking around here at work, and taking a moment to make an entry. I don't know... oops, I want to retire that phrase. I really do know in many places and times, but don't want to say. Ok, sometimes I have no idea and I can say that. Other times, I really do need to say. As I am learning (albeit, slowly) in relationships a person really needs to say what they want and need. Actually, I have found this to be the main reason to encourage young people to take up writing. The act of placing a string of words coherently on a page helps to deeply clarify wants and needs. And, it helps you to learn to clearly say what is on your mind. Even in this world of twitter and tweet, learning to put thoughts in order and on paper (or more recently, the screen) helps... I think even with a 140 character limit. Anyway, not much time today so I will leave this at that...later. |
| Actually, time flies most of the time... or so it seems when whims and fancies take control. Most of the time, when I have a clear need to say something or a firm set of daily schedules, I seem to write well. It is when I find myself pulled and tugged hither and yon with "little" necessities that I find myself losing time and words. It is like... well, why bother? I bother, even after long periods of inactivity, because I have realized that when I get in the habit of putting things down on paper (ok, electrically digitized in keyboarded form) my thinking seems clearer. One time I heard it put best (and I am sorry to say I have forgotten where I heard this) "when you can write, you can express what you want and need, clearly. And, when you can state what you want and need clearly, you give other people the chance to either help or move out of the way (ok, sometimes they give you a fit of static and that is where persistence pays out dividends). Someone is more likely to get what they want when they can clearly communicate what they need." So, I keep trying to find ways to put words on "paper" in some sort of coherent order... and when I do that... it does help. Also, I live in Decatur, GA... and, this weekend brought 100s of authors and tens of thousands of readers into downtown. I got to volunteer for some events on Saturday afternoon and met some fabulous people (writers and readers). Ironically, I came home with more music than books... some artists are multi-talented and their music appealed more to me than their words (some choices are like that). Anyway, the book is alive and well judging by the turnout... and now, here I am out of my time I have scheduled. Later, eh? |
| Here we go with another month. I just don't seem to be able to get around to doing this regularly enough. I could complain about being busy... but I just am not that busy. I could mention all the stuff I have done lately... and it is interesting enough to me, but why put other folks to sleep? Also, I am sitting here trying to remember the stuff, and the blank page mirrors my mind and thoughts. I read Buddhist teachers, and a blank mind is supposed to be one the goals. I don't see what a big deal that is in achieving... all I need is a blank page and something to write. Ok, that is not always the case. When I have a topic and a direction and a point of view, I do fine. What makes this so challenging is that I can head in any direction. And, like in my improv class... that kind of freezes me up with choices and possibilities. Yeah, I have been taking an improv class for about two years. The class is fun. The only thing about it is that I seem to be the only guy who keeps signing up. There is me, the woman teacher and five other women students. My wife trusts me... but she does keep bringing it up. She is friends with many of the other students from other places in our lives... and she keeps bringing the class ratio up. I think things are ok... but I am a guy and kind of dense sometimes. And, here I go with the out of time thingy again...Rats! What I really need to do is spend more time here and figure out how to post photos. Anyway, more later. |
| Looks like another month has gone by for me... I keep wanting to put stuff on here... then don't. It isn't like I haven't been up to stuff, just not writing. I have found myself doing more in the way of acting lately. It started with an Improv Class... and it seems to be getting more out of hand (in a really good way). The best part is the jump in easy creativity that comes when my internal censor gets turned off. It hasn't translated into writing just yet... and it may not ever. I am having fun with the class. The teacher has a small theater troop that performs once a month during the summer. So far I have been in a couple of shows, talk about an immediate rush when the applause starts. I might be just a little too needy for immediate outside gratification to be a writer... I might just be one of those folks writers love and hate... the reader and fan. What a deal! Anyway, I have to get going for now... and try to not make it another month with no input here. |
| What is it? Here I go with such a long wait between innings ( ok- some out of context baseball jargon). What can I say? Well, not much... it is baseball jargon and it is out of context. This last month has seemed out of context. Maybe it is just me. My wife seems to be on a breaking glasses trend ( the ones you drink liquids out of not the ones needed to see through). I seem to keep bumping into stuff and finding odd bruises. My boss just got diagnosed with cancer ( small tumor, stage one... they (it is always a they... isn't it?) are optimistic about a cure). And, here I sit waiting for a drive to clone itself (with some software help) so I can change out a hard drive for one with more room... and here I sit. I feel most fortunate to be able to be right here to sit and wait. I have time to jot an entry here... slovenly writer that I am. I am feeling lucky at the moment. While driving to see my wife's mom yesterday (we saw my mom last week on the "actual" Mother's Day (for Peace (what it started out being before Hallmark bought the rights)) and went to see my wife's mom this weekend... it was sort of fair). The trip was east along Interstate 20 in Georgia. We (my wife and I) were barreling along when we heard a thump. We had just passed the Madison exit just a few miles back... when we heard a thump. Then, a second thump sounded a couple of seconds later. Right after getting "what could that have been?" out of my mouth... the car began vibrating. I took a hint and started for the shoulder of the road. Before I made it... there came a very loud thump from the front of the car and we started listing to starboard. There was a huge ( for Georgia) lake right beside us so I thought a little out of context boating terminology might be nice. The car almost pulled itself off the the shoulder. We settled to a long slow stop with not much more going on. I got out and met my wife near the front of the car where the passenger side front tire was just a tad worst for wear... ok, it was shredded and barely hanging on to the rim, steel belts just a showing. We weren't going far. Thank you for being there AAA... my wife put in a call and soon... 20 minutes... Bo from Bo's Wrecker Service came pulling up. He wasn't talkative in the usual sense, sort of the quiet get the job done sort. He got my doughnut on for me. If anyone knows that part of Georgia, they know there isn't much from there to Augusta. And, certainly not a tire store... not that I knew of... I can find you a coffee or a sandwich easy enough, but a tire would be much more difficult. So, I asked Bo. He had a shop if I wanted to follow him back. I did... I am glad I did. About 40 minutes later, we were back on the road. Anyway, here I am home again. Now to see if I can get this back up done and a new hard drive put in... odd sometimes how time in life does things. I mean, on Saturday, I had a near wreck blow out experience, got 4 new tires (yes, it was time (8 year old tires) and the price was what I would have paid anywhere for them), and back on the road in about an hour while moving little tidbits of data from one drive just a foot from the other drive is taking three hours. Go figure. |
| The taxes, the taxes... e-filed and on their way. I just hope the money spent on TurboTax turns out to be worth it. I am guessing it will. If nothing else, it helped me think through all the parts of the tax return I needed to fill out. My return got more complicated on New Year's Day... I just didn't realized how much. I am (for the most part) a "working stiff"... I had some W-2 forms, I had withholding, I didn't own a house, I didn't work my own business (and no I am not interested in owning my own business but I might be interested in some DoubleXX vitamins). That is another post... the vitamins were one of the best things out of Amway that I found. They were on the cutting edge of food based nutritional supplementation 10 years ago and I am guessing they still might be there. But, that isn't what I started out doing this on and so let's save that subject for another day. I was, getting back to my other topic, just a EZ file away from getting some money back each year. Hey, if you don't have "royalties, or income, or expenses (I didn't own a house)... then it really is not a bother to fill in taxes. Alas, over the past couple of years... well you know the old saw about the only thing permanent is change. Yep, things changed. I got married about three tax filings ago. My bride does Early Childhood Education consulting and writing (translation- speakers fees and book royalties and expenses and profits...etc). The first year was ok... the guy across the street does taxes professionally. He costs money. He, also, said we owed a couple of thousand bucks more... ouch. Three months later the IRS... in a surprising and suddenly generous moment later... gave it mostly all back (seem he added when he should have subtracted or maybe it was the other way around). The gist of it was, he didn't do as well as I did roughing out the figures by hand just to see. And, I have more faith currently in the IRS to be kind of fair (even if the "A" word is not one I would want to hear or read). Last year, we tried our own hand at it. We sat down with all the books and papers and lots of pens and pencils, a good pocket calculator and a couple of days later it was done. Not too much suffering. The consulting business had taken a beating and we both had jobs for most of the year... so it was a breeze. Then, the undesirable thing happened... my wife lost her "job" ( it was a hearbreak... she had just returned from giving a workshop at a national early childhood education conference when they let her go just before Thanksgiving). Why do organizations do that? Hi... Merry Christmas (or whatever) .... your're fired. Now, go celebrate the season! The taxes were fairly easy. Then, on my suggestion (sort of), she did what I think she really needs to do for her next step in writing and consulting... she started her own school. She is now honing her education theory and management style against real world people. She is getting her concept for teaching creativity and art to young children (and their parents) down. Each week brings new insights, thoughts, writings... and tax stuff. I have to admit, she has her bits of information organized (way better than I can or am). She does a write up of it all... and then we did the taxes... and having a home office with childcare expenses... well, it added a level of complexity that took me a little time (about three weekends) to get comfortable with. There were percentages to figure, and costs tied to those percentages, that depended on other percentages with geometry and algebra all around. I no sooner figured one thing out than two other things popped out as unsolvable or unresolved until after a third thing go calculated. It was kind of simple and straightforward... but not. At one point I went from getting a couple of thousand back to owing a couple of hundred to getting 50 back to well... it was a ride. And, after the second weekend of getting three different answers to some of the same questions... I took my brother's advice an purchased TurboTax... and it figured things a third and fourth way entirely... but the numbers stayed put. The end result is just not what I wanted entirely... I didn't owe, but I am not getting back as much as I did in years past. It is a good thing because my wife is not pursuing a "hobby" she turned a profit... it is a business. But, I feel good about the numbers. And, that is what is a really good thing.... Now, let's not rush into next year too quickly. |
| Don't know what is going to happen here. It is late and I really don't have that much to say... or do. I did see a really good movie last night. It is one of the Spiritual Cinema Circle films, named 'Happenstance'. It is a take on how there are no random accidents only things that are meant to move life forward. I didn't come away with that notion fully inside me... but the premise and outcome were delightful... if hard to follow. Anyway... out of time now, back later with more. |
| You would think that I would do this more regularly... but I am not. What gives? Too many evenings watching someone elses writing on TV. Why? I don't know... ok, cop out. It is easy to just sit and watch. It is not like I am reading or even catching up on my writing... just lumping. Of course, I do use the excuse that I am spending my day in my head at work. I just got a job in database building and quality control. It is very different, and takes tons of brainwork every day. The job is close to the house, so I am walking to work. Somehow, come evening time, there I am vegging out... kind of literally, since I mostly eat vegetarian ( no- not a fanatic, serve pot roast and I am all over it, I mostly choose veges though). The other point of my days seems to be taking longish walks. I keep reading where it is one of the most basic and effective aerobic exercises out there. I get in the weather some and get things moving. And, it takes some time out the schedule. One of the better parts of my newish job is the short walk to work. Still don't seem to be dropping any pounds, though. Check back in a few months, though, and let's see where that all is. I keep getting this pop up on the computer, Firefox wants to update some of my extensions... I AM NOT DOING IT. I wonder how I can make it stop? Oh, yeah, I am not doing it because I read the other day that some of the netbot password stealin', raid your bank account not up to any goodniks from Eastern Europe are using those holes in browsers to plant bugs in the machine to "steal passwords" mostly the banking ones. So, at some point, I am going to head to the Mozilla web site and download the most recent version of Firefox and try to figure out how to turn these annoying messages off. 81 days? What? I have not done this in 81 days? Goodness, that has been awhile. I haven't mentioned my peace walk last month then... my annual pilgrimage with a local Buddhist temple. I tend to be multi-faith myself after a childhood in the Catholic tradition. So, some days I do the childhood's religion thing (although, it has been awhile, too, come to think of it). Some days, I do the other Christian walk thinks. On occasion I even find myself at some more off the beaten esoteric Newish Age-y kinds of paths thingies. I find that the older I get the more I trust looking at the Fruits of the Spirit (see Galatians... can't think of the chapter right at this moment) for guidance. I am finding out more and more that some people I encounter encourage the gifts to "bubble" up all around them while others seem to stomp them into mud like patties and splatter them around. They look all official or "top drawer" in their appearance, but 10 minutes into being around them, you want to take a shower well, I do, I can't speak for you. I am aiming to make my life one of the ones that lift people up and help them smile... I guess we'll keep seeing. And, look, about all the time is up for me for now... here is to going less than 81 days next time. |
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