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Something Old , Something New to Read! |
| October 29th, 2007 500 a day Words I have not heard from Eddie but he is probably busy because of the 2 weeks in Jail. I know that he added himself on to my buddy list. I have no idea if I am going to talk to him tonight or not. I just can’t wait for my bubby to get home. I have actually missed him all weekend. I missed him so much that I gave him the biggest hug in the whole wide world. Then we watched tv and he fell asleep watching Veggie Tales . I watched Dancing with the stars and CSI Miami. Then I went to bed. Was pretty tired without having caffeine. I am trying to prove to my doctor on Wednesday that I will not have lost any weight from my last checkup. |
| October 28th, 2007 500-a-day Words Well I have been tired because of playing with Eddie last night. I am also really tired from not having any more caffeine uuuggggghhhhh!!!! I am just in a happy mood and really have nothing else to think about. Wish I had more to write about. I sent the poem to Eddie and porbably will not hear from him. No big deal. He probably does not want to think about the poem. I explained that it was not based on us. I also just wanted a guys view who wants a relationship and not just a booty call. |
| October 27th, 2007 500 a day Words Eddie and I have talked and I know why he has been gone. He has been in jail for the last two weeks. He was accused of robbing a gas station and actually had tackled the guy who did this and saved his friend of the family from loosing her job. He had them do a DNA test and they finally after a week got the test back and it proved to be the guy he tackled who broke his jaw as they were falling to the ground. I swear that he must have thought I was crazy. After all the messages I left on the phone and on yahoo im, he still wants to be with me and we talked about his daughters mom and how I do not have to worry about that and that he is with me no matter what. I was crying because he wants to still be with me . I do need to talk to him about my Bpd though. I got the biggest hug from him because he did miss me. I missed him too. I missed him so much. Yes we were together and I love being with him. We seem to be want to be with each other no matter what has been going on. We played a lot tonight and then we talked. I missed talking to him. He missed me and I am not used to that. He missed me so much and I am glad he is back. I freaked out and all he said to me was that it is was ok. He read everything that I had on there and with his minutes used up too. He just said that it was ok and that he was not mad at me. I guess he likes the idea of me wanting to talk to him all the time. I am thinking that he is with me and like he said before he is not going anywhere. I am glad that he is not. I am so glad that he talked to his daughter. He really misses her. Her mom was rude as always and said that it was a good thing that she did not come to TN for the weekend. Well she would have come and would have stayed with his family. He is a wonderful dad to his daughter. He was done everything he could to be with her. I hope that all this crap does not fall behind with him. I think that I was getting to noisy about the lawyer thing. Not meaning too. His lawyer sounded like EmeriL Becker, Ben’s lawyer he had. I did find out that Eddie’s Cousin Teresa was my old neighbor at Lucas Place. I know that they do not live on Jeanette anymore. I am so happy to know that Teresa does not live there anymore. I am ober excited that she is his cousins. I am glad to know that Eddie is ok and love that he is with me and no one else. I want to be with him so much. I am so glad that he is out of Jail and I am praying that the charges will be dropped before he gets back to court with his daughter. I want his daughter with him. I know that he will do anything for his daughter no matter what. That is a great dad!!! I know that he is my best friend too. He is going to make sure that I do not see him around anymore. I hope that I can get the juices flowing for some stories or some poetry now that I am happy and want to be with Eddie and now know why. I was going to let him read my “Love Is…” poem but I know that I am not ready for that yet. I want him to read this though. I will let him read it one of these days. I am off to bed. Since I am all loveys dovey right now about Eddie being here with me and back with me and not having to worry about him going any where. |
| October 26th, 2007 500 a day Words 1am Well tonight I am finally online for awhile… I need to catch up on the Easter Prompt and the Beer Prompt. I did take the book back but did get Brianna a cool scrapbook that was a horse one. I think that she is going to love this for her own scrapbook. I now have to really think of one for bubby because he really wants to have one too. I will have to see what Ben has to say about that. I also bought some more faery journals and note cards too. Not really sure who I am going to give them too. I am going to have to quit having sex all together because I think that I may have hurt myself more than just emotionally with my last partner. I am not sure though what to think. I am going to make an appointment to see if I really need to worry about everything at all. I am definitely going to ask them what I need to stay protected so that I do not get hurt at all. Well I am off to bed for now! 1:30pm Well I can not seem to stay online and I am not going to go outside to get online. My arthritis will not let me get up after sitting down there for a half hour. I am sure that later on I will be able to get online. I know that I have been having some other problems. I have decided not to have Bryce come over too. I am not sure if it is a good idea to see him before getting this test done or not. I so not want to find out that if there is something wrong and not am able to get a hold of the other person to make sure that is taken care of. I just hope that I just have a bladder infection and that is all. When I go to get this test done, I am going to ask about protection I have the guy use instead of latex condemns. Well in one hour I will be kid free for the weekend and I will be deciding which way I am going to redo my house again and get my house in order. I am going move the TV and that desk around where it is not on the side wall since I do not have cable anymore. I want to put the TV on my one desk that has my shelves to the one desk that has become the clutter desk. I can put the VCR in the cubby instead of out next to my TV. I want to bring my bench with my bunnies out of my room. I have a few other bunnies to add to other spots for them to become part of the house… I want to get my shelves up and figure out where I am going to put the Christmas tree up at. I want to make sure Christmas is really great this year since I was sick last year for Christmas. I am not sure what all we are going to do for Christmas because I wanted to go to my grandpa for a Christmas surprise and see my auntie and uncle too. I am not sure I am going to be able to afford to go since I am going to be short because of Christmas and not getting Christmas help at all . I just want to try to have a great Christmas and give grandpa an awesome Christmas present with pictures galore for him, uncle mike, and my auntie Sherrie. I miss them so much!!! I want to have a hug and kiss from all of them, and I know it will not be able to happen. I do not want to do like what happened when Grandma died in Ft. Wayne when I was pregnant with bubby. I was so doped up when Grandma Adams died that I was literally a zombie. I am so scared when it comes to Thanksgiving weekend, since that is when Grandma in Ft. Wayne. I am really going to have a hard time since last year I had company for thanksgiving. I have to do one other thing: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL I almost forgot to remember to let my other brother know that I want him to have a wonderful birthday. I am sure that I will not talk to him any time soon but I called dad to let Michael know that I wanted him to have a wonderful weekend. Now this weekend I need to get my Novel writing plan started for my item in the NaNoWriting Month so I have it in my own port for BarryMoo to see that I am writing getting that done. You need to write 1200 words a day to get this 30k goal done. I really think I can do this. I just need to get the planning done so that I know what I am going to write. I am not sure what I am going to do. I was going to do the next part in my series about myself growing up but I think that will bring up too much for now. I decided to get out all my writing books that have anything that will help with brainstorming and maybe Novel writing tips and so forth. I am so goad that it is kid free weekend so that I Can does this. Now just what to write about is the only part I have to do. Maybe I will make a list of ideas that may give me ideas. Of course the title will come later one because that is how I always do this , because I let my creative juices go and from there see what I can come up with. All of this for one month of writing!!! I really hope that I can do this since I am keeping a journal as I am going with this as I copy and paste it to my journal in my WDC Port!! I am on page 18 in this as of this sentence. 8984 words before doing my spell check. Go figure I have not been able to stay online all day. I am going to have to email Kiya tomorrow about making Sapphy another one and then I will give her the rest of the gps. I am going to go to bed now!!! |
| October 25th, 2007 12am 500 a day Words I have decided to start going to a few groups that will help me with my anxiety and ocd, spirit for parents, and one for my depression too. These are all the first 3 Wednesdays of the months. I really think that this will be something helpful for me to go to while I am trying to get something going to deal with my obsessions of being with someone for sex and nothing else. Or even being used for that and use the relationships, as the way to get to me for sex… I have decided that I have this 4inch binder filled with all kinds of info that I have received from my creative writing teacher. I decided that I was going to have it all in this binder for long tern use since I had decided that I was going to pursue writing. I am definitely going to use this more and more as I go through. I am definitely going to be going through my work and adding it to my port as I go. I have found several articles about ways to writer, myths of writing, daily writing prompts, writing fiction, writing short stories, plots, characters: conflict, and description. There are also other genres like Theatre, Comedy, Tips and Ideas, over 2000 Plot Bank Ideas, and many other ideas that will help with writing. I have more on a few CD’s (yes before the DVD writers), and lost a bit of it on my other thumb drive that I realized was with all my writing too. Now I have to start getting my Novel characters ready for my NaNoWrMonth!! That is if I can stay online long enough to put the folder and book together for this. It is getting irritating that I can not go outside because it is raining again outside. I know that I am going to have to drop out of the 15 of 15 because I am not able to get online. Plus I am sucking at all of these entries. I do not want to get a stupid ISP!!! I hate that I have pay someone for me to use my WIFI. Finally I am back on line!!! I really need to get this written or I will not be able to do anything else. Sometimes I wonder why I even write in this journal since I never get any stupid comments back. I guess I need to over exaggerate about things to get anyone to come and look. I do not want to do that because I am one who needs to be truthful. I am going to do something for one of bestest frienders here on WDC! 4pm… Trying to decide whether or not I am going to take back the book that is not being used for Brianna to paint with. I guess she is out of this painter mode that she had gotten this cool thing called an easel too. UUGGGGGHHHHHH, and I have no idea where the receipt is from this book. I do not remember how much I paid for it and all. I have a coupon I want to use today and have 3 more to use this weekend. I want to get bubby his other two books and a one more items. Not sure what it is I want to get him. I have to see if Ben and I can switch next weekend so that I can go get the 3 items I am going to get each of the kids for Christmas done. I am not sure what all I am going to get Samantha and bubby because Brianna’s one gift alone will be $30 for the big horse that I want to get her. I am going to try to spend the same amount of money on each of them. I am not sure how I am going to do this. I want to get bubby the leap frog computer that just came out. I am not sure what to do. |
| October 25th, 2007 12am 500 a day 680 Words I have decided to start going to a few groups that will help me with my anxiety and ocd, spirit for parents, and one for my depression too. These are all the first 3 Wednesdays of the months. I really think that this will be something helpful for me to go to while I am trying to get something going to deal with my obsession of being with someone for sex and nothing else. Or even being used for that and use the relationships, as the way to get to me for sex… I have decided that I have this 4inch binder filled with all kinds of info that I have received from my creative writing teacher. I decided that I was going to have it all in this binder for long tern use since I had decided that I was going to pursue writing. I am definitely going to use this more and more as I go through. I am definitely going to be going through my work and adding it to my port as I go. I have found several articles about ways to writer, myths of writing, daily writing prompts, writing fiction, writing short stories, plots, characters: conflict, and description. There are also other genres like Theatre, Comedy, Tips and Ideas, over 2000 Plot Bank Ideas, and many other ideas that will help with writing. I have more on a few CD’s (yes before the DVD writers), and lost a bit of it on my other thumb drive that I realized was with all my writing too. Now I have to start getting my Novel characters ready for my NaNoWrMonth!! That is if I can stay online long enough to put the folder and book together for this. It is getting irritating that I can not go outside because it is raining again outside. I know that I am going to have to drop out of the 15 of 15 because I am not able to get online. Plus I am sucking at all of these entries. I do not want to get a stupid ISP!!! I hate that I have pay someone for me to use my WIFI. Finally I am back on line!!! I really need to get this written or I will not be able to do anything else. Sometimes I wonder why I even write in this journal since I never get any stupid comments back. I guess I need to over exaggerate about things to get anyone to come and look. I do not want to do that because I am one who needs to be truthful. I am going to do something for one of bestest frienders here on WDC! 4pm… Trying to decide whether or not I am going to take back the book that is not being used for Brianna to paint with. I guess she is out of this painter mode that she had gotten this cool thing called an easel too. UUGGGGGHHHHHH and I have no idea where the receipt is from this book. I do not remember how much I paid for it and all. I have a coupon I want to use today and have 3 more to use this weekend. I want to get bubby his other two books and a one more items. Not sure what it is I want to get him. I have to see if Ben and I can switch next weekend so that I can go get the 3 items I am going to get each of the kids for Christmas done. I am not sure what all I am going to get Samantha and bubby because Brianna’s one gift alone will be $30 for the big horse that I want to get her. I am going to try to spend the same amount of money on each of them. I am not sure how I am going to do this. I want to get bubby the leap frog computer that just came out. I am not sure what to do. |
| October 23, 2007 500 a day Words Well today it has been raining so much that bubby thought he would try to ask mommy to go outside with him to play. He thought that mommy would not catch on that it was raining. Guess who caught on….he he…. I have to admit getting his shoes, socks, shorts, shirt, and his jacket thinking mommy would say yes was a cute idea. I really tried not to laugh because he was so cute getting ready especially since I told him he had to have socks on because his tennis shoes were going to get stinky. I do not clean shoes at all. That pertains to feet and I do not touch anything to do with feet unless it is with my feet. I am talking about socks on my hands to put my socks on my feet. Or just wearing these things called sandals all year round if possible. When my brother was here, he messed with me all the time about his feet and everyone else’s too. Another thing I am scared about is that I might have to go to the doctors to see if I have a bladder infection or not. I know that I feel like I have a burning feeling. It could be from the new detergent I had done my wash in last. Hoping it was from that. Especially since I am not sure that if Eddie was not married or not. Whole different story there that I do not want to really go into right now. I just think that I will go to the doctors to make sure I am ok and not worrying over something little. I tell you if this becomes a big thing, well he will have a whole lot more going on than he wants if he still is with his little girls mother. I think that he will be ok if I just talk to him about everything. I know for me it had been almost a year since I had done anything with anyone with intercourse. I have been wanting it for so long but not wanting it at all anymore. Well that is a little harsh for me right now. Maybe in another few weeks I might want more. In fact, I am hoping that Bryce will be out of town this week too. I am sure that he will be back in town because I said that I am going to be kid free. I really just want a great big hug from him and then go from there. Bryce is the one that I have had feelings for but I have to be #2, because work is #1. I can handle this eventually if I want to be with him as more than just #2. Who knows what is going to happen with him. My luck he is not even going to be able to here. Life goes on. I want him to know that if he can’t that I am making plans to get my house rearranged and not with anyone else. I have 3 days to get this mess picked up if he I not going to be here. Tomorrow after I go and get some caffeine and my blood work done, then I will be able to get my house going with what ever way I have planned to rearrange. I am then going to figure out what I am going to do for furniture wise. I also want to get the clothes gone through and have it taken to Christian Life Center too. I am going to see if Brian can take care of that for me. I will see how it works. How I feel after Friday for sure. I hate all this rain because bubby tells me that I am like an old lady walking…hehehe… I also need to some how get some exercise done too. I feel so flabby right now with all this damn rain and not being able to go walking. Which means that this Friday or Saturday I am going to have to go to target to go walking like I usually do? I also want to do some more work out too. You know after having sex for 3 weeks in a row and more 1 time every time being here. I have gotten used to having the nightly exercise. Again Life does go on, and I will be ok from all of this much needed exercise that was going on. I will have to go over buy buylow and Lucas place to do all my walking on Saturday if it is not raining, and possibly walk to the park too. I could take bubby to the park if I have enough change to get on the bus so I can taking to the park and run off some that energy he is building up while being stuck in the house with the rain. Really the only person I need in my life right now is the Lord and I have been talking to him every day more than 3 times a day about what I need to do. I haven’t gotten the answer yet that I know of, but I know that he has the answer for me. I am sure that he has one person for me and that is cool when I see it smack me in the face. I am just waiting to have it smacked right in front of my face. The only way I know what is there for me. I know that the only person that is still watching me as my butt gets big is Ben, and that can not happen. I do not want to mess with his family. I was surprised he had told Tim that I Had lost some weight. I know that Ben still loves me and that we are going to always be friends. But I can not talk to him about me dating others because he is my ex husband, and that is weird. What is really weird is that I used to be able to tell him everything even when we were not together. I am not sure why I can not anymore. When I am ready to say anything to Ben about how I feel, he knows that he will get this wonderful letter that I have printed to him where he can read nicely. My heart says that I still love him at times, and then when the jack ass comes out in him then I realized why we are not together. I also realize that he is going to be this way to me for the rest of my life. He does not realize how much he has emotionally and verbally abused me along with my father. Along with my mom and step mom too. I am sure that Colleen has done this to about me, and my dad can not do anything about it because she is abusing him. I have no way to take care of him either. Ok now I am really going to go to bed. I have to get to sleep eventually. Guess I will wait on the bath because it is now raining again as I hear it outside. Great time to write poetry but I am not really wanting to do that either. I am not sure what I am going to do for sure. I know that the morning will come really early if I do not go to bed soon though. |
| Time: 10:34pm The wind is breaking on the surf no matter what. I see that the tide is open for the surfers come and show their sport off. You can here all the surfers saying "Dude that is so cool!" You here the surfers all talking like this as I sit here trying to deciede what I am going write about listening to the waves crash. You can here the laughter from the volley ball players and the children that were playing too. I could see the wind surfers out there in the water and daring the tide as they surfed through the largest tides and the scariest ones that just enticed the wind surfers even more as they wait for the breeze going through with teh wind. Sometimes they would let go to separate from the surf to jump from the tide and back on to the board and who will win, the wind or the tide. Then looking at what I have wrote about isn't anything to do with surfing, I am deciding that I am going to go and ask one of the surfers to see if they will teach me how to wind surfer. I think that this will help my articles from the beach and what is all the choices there are to play and do them! |
| TIme started: 12:45pm The bearded man was walking through the streets asking evertone if they would help him find what he needed. Several groups had turned to him like he was just a nobody. No one knew that he was actually a muslim priest that was seeing if anyone was treated differently in many cities. From the biggiest to the smallest towns. Now he knows what to expect from the large cities that have all the different religions that snubs other religions. This Muslim priest did not realize that in the USA, most small towns are the worst when it came to different races and religions. There are alot of racist and bigots that live in these towns and are just raised in this kind of atmosphere because of the family members were taught this way. The bearded man was treated like he was a nobody and was just a piece of meat ready to be killed. The KKK was in town and started to say racial slurs and not being wanted here in this town or the 'their world" here on this place on earth. Well he went on to the next town and was blessed by many saying that they need someone who will be there for them while they were needing religion in their town. Now many would think that because he was muslim that they were not to have the same religion as them. This town was made up of a mixture of races. They were so happy that someone was here to be with them. They so badily needed to have religion to keep them grounded. This small town was made of homeless that wanted to try to have a 2nd chance to start all over as they were wanting to prove to everyone that homeless can still have a chance to live a "proper life" like all the other standards of life |
| October 20th, 2007 500 a day 856 Words Well I have been constantly online for 3 hours trying to download all my siggies, cnotes, banners , and anything else that is on my account along with anything else that I lost yesterday on my thumb drive. I know that the writing bug hit Brianna. She wrote 4 stories: The Little Dragon, The Ocean, The Silly Mom, and Tim’s Hollowen. I am wondering if you can figure out who “The Silly Mom,” is…go figure. I am making sure that I have the pictures of the stories and the pictures of her illustrations. I also took two pictures of the scrap book pages that Samantha made too. I helped with the second one because she needed something to add Halloween pictures for her scrapbook. I am quite proud of her with this because she even has her brother doing this with her. He likes to play with the punches. Pretty much he just wants to make a mess with the punches for the paper that me makes me. Scratching my head, I never did get my picture that he was giving me. I know that he was wondering whether or not that he put it up. I am happy that he made me one too. I will get his picture on here too add into his folder. I will make Samantha and Brianna a folder each for their stuff they made for their uncle Tim when he was here. I forgot to send his card from Samantha home with him. So I will be sending that with the pictures, and all the other wonderful stories. I can’t wait to see what the Halloween pictures turn out as because we are going to add them to her two pages of her scrapbook. I just talked to Tequeda and I am going to get the furniture from her grandma’s house that needs cleaning and will be used until I decide to try to get some new furniture. I have not decided if I need any new furniture with my kids and all. I know that I am happy with used furniture until the kids get older. Now with everything I downloaded, I had made doubles of it that will be going onto my DVD and on to my camera card too. This way I have it all backup. I am not going to loose anything again. I missed out on the first of the 15 of 15 today because I could not keep the computer online for 15 minutes at time. So I am going to do both tomorrow. I will not count for the first one because of not being able to do it. I will get the second one done tomorrow for sure. I talked to Milkman tonight. That was awesome because I was told he was mad at me, and come to find out that he was going to the library to get his journaling and then he had his not so fun job. I am so proud of him because he got his licenses for Truck Driving!!!!! Congrats Moo!!!!! I knew that you would get this done. All you had to do is keep the faith, and it would work out for you. Maybe since you are here within a few miles, I will get to see you finally! If not maybe in one of the next trips you have. I am glad that you made it through the storms too. I am sure that the picture of the windy city and oh hare was really cool looking with the lightening storm. I hope to hear from you more!!! Again Congrats!! I have to give Legerdemain   for her awesome promotion as Sr. Moderator!!!!! You really deserve this promotion here on WDC!!!! You are an awesome person that helps out RAOK, and many other charities. You are always running an event to help others with their writing or reviewing! I have to say it was awesome to participate in the Wild Card two times!!! Maybe I will get to have the reviews this time. If not reviewing the person will be lots of fun too! Thank you for working on the set Of RAOK CNOTES that will be added to my port as soon as I can stay on line for more than 5-10 minutes at a time. This way I can start having everyone use them for RAOK!! These are awesome looking!!!! Now go figure I am online. So I will be adding the rest of my journal entries into my Journal too. I have to say that I have had a decent day compared to other days that I have gone through. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow will bring. Hopefully an awesome day. I know that god has something planned for me and my children. My neighbor has finally let the kids know that they can not play on the swing set when her grand daughter is not there. I totally agree with this so I had them tell the kids so they believe her. This way I would not be ignored like usual. |
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