What you describe happens to most of us. Within our own lives, we are too close to ourselves, our choices, our potential, etc. to be able to stand back and examine them closely like we would do with someone else we know less well. Even our spouses. We know all the dark little secrets about ourselves that influence our decisions, things no one else knows. It's these little details that keep us from knowing for certain whether we are on the right path, have made the right choices, or what not. Part of it is having faith in oneself, and that takes years to hone, once we're intimately convinced that this is where the problem truly lies.
A pianist is faced with a particularly delicate problem when playing his instrument. Projecting his ears into the audience so that he knows exactly how the sound is coming across to those who are listening. It's very easy to believe that what comes out of our pianos by way of the fingers pressing on keys is in harmony with the intention we have when playing. Most times there is a big discrepancy between our intention and the reality of what comes across to the public. Some can learn this feat, some cannot. I do it well, but its similarity with looking at myself from a distant enough vantage point to truly see what I'm doing doesn't always work.
And in interacting with life, we must constantly ask ourselves if our intentions truly come across in every situation. Only when we are capable on a regular basis of pairing intention to the result we view around us will we be sure that we're on the right path, doing the right things for the right reasons, etc.
I agree about not necessarily relating loneliness to being with or without others. I love being alone. I feel most "lonely" in a herd because at times I cannot gather my thoughts. This leads to a feeling of needing and not knowing what it is that is needed. Those of us who write often do not fit in with the herd. That is what I think.
You're so right Ski. Many of us have felt lonely in crowds of our peers, where we should have those connections but simply don't. I'm best lately when I'm in my studio teaching, seeing the (mostly) smiling faces come and go and knowing I've done a good job.
So, you're a fan of Monk? I've only watched the first three or four seasons, it's not as popular as other american series here and thus doesn't get put into the programming in the same way.
Yes, yes, YES!!! I have made terribly mistakes in my life, but I know without them I would not be this person I am today. And the decisions I make today, whether right or wrong will make me into the person I am tomorrow. I suppose that is why there is that saying... "Life is not about the number of breaths we take, but about the moments that take our breath away." Of course I am paraphrasing, because my memory sucks. But, honestly, I take the good with the bad, even when it is really bad. Emotions are a huge, huge part of who we are and sometimes holding them back doesn't allow us to truly experience life.
Oh I am a woman of pure emotion and when I stuff them, as I have been this last year. I realize how truly unhappy I am. I have to push past my indifference with life right now and find my passion for living. I agree we must look inside and decide just what we need to celebrate. I am happy I have much to celebrate and I keep looking forward to more!! Have a great day and it's nice to see you among the blog pages.
It sounds as though you're ready to take a few months off from your life and find a spiritual retreat alone in a monastery or in the mountains where there is nothing else to do other than meditate and ready yourself for the information that won't come to you as filled by your daily life as you currently are.
As I've heard said, actors act, policemen police, politicians politicate (I don't know if it's a word but I'm going with it), and writers write. But the fact is if an actor doesn't act for awhile they have no problem doing it again and the same with a policeman. And we all know that anyone can politicate. (The more I use it the more I like it) Being a writer is something else entirely. You have to draw on something inside you and create something out of nothing. So, I think it is more important for a writer to write every day, to keep that inner candle of creativity lit.
Sorry, I had to stop for a minute and laugh at the inner candle of creativity thing. I don't really know what it takes to be a writer but heck, I like to do it and it seems the more I write the more I like what I write. That, I think is the most important thing about being a writer.
So, in other words, get off your butt and write something.
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But, honestly, I take the good with the bad, even when it is really bad. Emotions are a huge, huge part of who we are and sometimes holding them back doesn't allow us to truly experience life.
I don't really know what it takes to be a writer but heck, I like to do it and it seems the more I write the more I like what I write. That, I think is the most important thing about being a writer. 