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 |  A collection of words... |
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| It's been such a long week... even though it was only 4 days this week! Where I work, there are 3 of us in this "suite"... myself, my co-worker of 9 years, and our direct boss. We each have our own office, and then there's a "common area" outside of them. My boss is in her 60s, a couple weeks ago she had an accident which deployed all her air bags and totaled her new vehicle. She seems to have only received bruised knees from it... and lots of stress of course. She decided to take this week off. Monday was a holiday. Tuesday my co-worker and I were here. Wednesday morning I had a message from her daughter that she would not be in for "at least a few days." So, I'm here alone... and with the added stress of being concerned about my co-worker, who is also a dear friend. She's in her 50s, with some health issues, and she lives alone. She has been an almost daily part of my life for a long time now. Anyway, home definitely has its stressful times with 4 teenagers running around... but I won't get into all that drama. Last night I think I slept 2 hours all together. It's beginning to seem like something that is not necessary for me... like eating. Sometimes it's like... I'm the captain of a small boat they're all on and it has a hole in it, and I need to keep bailing vigilantly... occasionally they'll toss out a bucket full of water, but sometimes they scoop the water INTO the boat... and with a much bigger bucket than I have access to. Sound tiring? It is. The twins? Not so much... they'd be more likely to be talking amongst themselves and have it suddenly occur to them to ask "uhh, mom? where are we?" lol Well, that's all I have time for... hope everyone has a relaxing weekend.  |
| Some of the fog has lifted today... I've been in a daze/haze/craze from this yucky sick thing... I've kinda not had anything quite like this before... actually, my friend The Cowboy  and I have been comparing sick notes along the way. It's freaky to have the same wierd stuff going on at the same time. At such a physical distance, my paranoid side might toy with the idea of germ warfare. Luckily, this is a remote part of me, and has saved me from questioning him about everything he ingested the week prior to getting sick... where he'd been... who he'd seen. Hey?! Did you see a suspicious looking man in a purple beret? Did someone walk through a door you had opened without saying thank you? Could be the same person! My imagination would suggest he sipped off the WDC lounge water fountain shortly after I did...or, that more than likely, he was eating off my plate at a Blogville potluck supper... swiped my utensil for a non-finger-friendly item... gave me a thumbs up for having good taste... to which I smiled and nodded... "thanks"... and then we headed off to Bingo... I had a purple dauber and he had a blue one... he called Bingo when I was one number away... I started to choke, and then the coughing began... I could have taken that as a sign, but I just considered it bad sportsmanship on my part, which isn't even my style... but anyway... given my manners, I coughed into my hand...and in the confusion our daubers got mixed up... I'd daubed B10 and I 21 before I realized... he thought I was just trying to steal his luck from the blue dauber, and being so much a gentleman wasn't going to say anything... yeah, anyway... I switched them back... after 3 hours at the Bingo hall we were pretty well spent... well, I was spent, he at least won something... we said good night and I got up sick the next morning... and then the next morning it was his turn. To which I had to point out, "still feeling lucky now, b***h?" My spiritual side suggests if I was intelligent enough I could write a decent essay on the seamy underbelly of symbiosis. Whereas my intellect would say "forget it, leave me out of this."  Oh, and I got this sweet little puppy from Brooklyn  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Thanks, Brooke! Hope everyone is well! |
| A co-worker sent me this email today: Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena, the wonder dog , at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!! |
| When I was a year old, my mother divorced my father and we went to live with P, one of her sisters, and her brother-in-law. Because my mother had to work, P invited my mom's twin sister M (not identical) to live there also to babysit me. They were from a family of 8, and very poor growing up. P, as an older sibling, and female, always took care of the rest... and when she went and got a job and met her husband, they'd buy the kids groceries and take them places. P has always been there for everyone. My mom and her sister were only 19 when I was born, 20 when we moved in with P. Their father was killed at work the day before my first birthday. P and her husband made all the arrangements and paid for everything. They are the most selfless people I have ever met. My mom, M and I shared a small room. To say I was doted on as an only child by all of them would be an understatement. I was very lucky. I thought of this today... how simple life was then... for me at least. I've been sick and stressed beyond reason as an adult... but that little girl is still inside me... and I know I have never taken care of myself as I was taken care of then. I thought about how my aunts would always sing me to sleep, almost every night. I thought of when I had a cold and how they would put either Vicks on my chest, or Save the Baby under my nose... I don't know if they even make that anymore. I remembered the smell... and the taste of those little orange Bayer Children's Aspirin. My mom wasn't a singer, but she would rub my forehead when I didn't feel good. I remember my uncle telling me when I was sick as a baby he'd sit in the rocking chair with me and let me lay on his chest because it's the only way I'd sleep... and how I'd sometimes get sick all over him... he didn't care for his own sake, he'd clean us off and go back to it. I think of the years that have passed since then. How my uncle had gotten a job as an over the road truck driver after my mom remarried. He retired but was still working until a couple years ago, at almost 70... when he was hit by a truck in the company yard. He has still not fully recovered, he probably never will... and my aunt, of course, takes care of him in some ways still. In her lifetime, she took care of her siblings, then me, then had 2 kids of her own, then a couple cousins of mine, then my oldest son, then her mother, then her grandchildren, now her husband. You would never know, except to look at her, that she is not still a young woman... she does so much. She is strong-minded, can handle anything. My aunt M, is still a hard worker... they all could work circles around most anyone. M lost her husband to cancer last year. So, things have changed... of course they have, I'm 42... but still, sometimes, that little girl would like to crawl back in time to that little room... the smell of Save the Baby... and hear my aunt sing to me... and feel there is nothing to fear... that everything is going to be ok. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| The twins call me yesterday afternoon to say that they have a dentist appointment for 3:00... they had made this themselves, for them and M, and when was I going to be there to take them? Well, I hadn't planned on it... and I couldn't get anyone else to do it, so I had to leave work at 230. I went home and M was still sleeping, I knew he had to be at work at 4, so I woke him up. He gets ugly when he first wakes up. He says he probably won't go to work. He relates that he's concerned he might have penile cancer anyway, even though they said he didn't. He said, "if I do, they're not treating it, no one is." He had read that only 50% of cases will last up to 5 years... as in, it was incurable... and that he was going to just keep his penis. I asked his symptoms... a couple things which are normal sounding to me, but he didn't seem to want to listen. I called the dentist's office and said that M wouldn't be able to go, but what time did the 3 appts start? She said 3:00. I ask how many hygenists there are and she says 1. I say OK, that I'll be there as soon as I can. Well, we got there at 320... the twins went in and I made some calls to the urology place, left a message and went in. J says they don't have time for both of them now, he has to reschedule...Z is getting his done. So, I ask the woman at the desk how long the appts are for, she says 45 minutes... I tell her I'm confused because if you schedule 3 45 minute slots with one hygenist, and you only bring 2 people...if you are 20 minutes late... you still have 25 minutes on the other end? She says "oh, no... the doctor was going to clean M's teeth... and he can't do J's now because he's busy because his assistant is out today because her mother died...." Welllll, ok then. After Z's appt, we go home and I look on the internet for info about penile cancer... gather the important facts on paper and decide to stop by to drop off a movie at M's workplace that needed to be returned. He'd been there about 1/2 hour. When he saw me he had a flash of that look mom's recognize as "he'd like to cry but he's stopping himself." He said they were just robbed. A "big crazy looking guy" who was there before my son started his shift had taken a bunch of movies and ran out the door with them and across the parking lot. Well, certainly it could have been worse, but it's unsettling nonetheless and a reminder of vulnerability. He was at least relieved about the basic info I gave him. Since I was on my way to an appointment of mine, I told him I'd be back about 6 and pick a replacement movie. I'm reminded too of how he flipped out and stopped going to school in junior high when kids were found with pipe bombs in their lockers and the school was evacuated, with the kids running to a building up the road. He wouldn't go back to that school again. He decided to try high school, 1st day they get a bomb threat which has the kids evacuated and walking 2 miles up the road, he never went back. He got his GED in the spring and started college in the spring also, when he was 17. FAST FORWARD: So, the store closes at 11, I take his gf over around 1030 and wait to take him home. I'm on the phone with my aunt when I get a callwaiting. I think I recognize the area code, I answer and it's the friend that sent the pic I put in the previous post. He's having a rough night, something to do with his girlfriend. I ask if I can call him back. M had asked me to come into the store... now, the driver's side door is stuck so I have to climb over the center console and get out the passenger's side... go in, see what he wants, come back out... I'm thinking I have at least half an hour just sitting there waiting... flip my phone open to look for the number and it says "unknown." If a call comes in as a call waiting the number won't be kept. grrr So, I try to call M's gf's phone to tell her I have to run home for a minute and she doesn't answer, so I have to get out and go in again... and then climb back in. I drive home, which is about a mile or so, climb out, go upstairs, log into my email and look for the number. I find it and put it in my phone...go out and climb back in the vehicle. My son calls and asks...I forget now... So, I call my friend back and we're talking... I drive back to my son's work... it gets to be 11 and M sends his gf out so they can close... I tell my friend I'll have to call him back. Well, they also have like 10 new releases they needed to stock...so, didn't get home until midnight. I call my friend and apologize, he said it was ok, he felt better... had just needed to talk to someone. OK, good. I give my son his insulin shot, because he still won't do it himself... and it's been like 5 years and I still hate doing it. He asks "make me macaroni and cheese?" I say "uhh, no... going to bed." M decides he will try to make Rice a Roni, but when he puts water in the pan without remembering he needs to brown the rice mix first, he decides it's too complicated... instead of just emptying the water and then opening the box and putting it in the pan. His gf says she'll make it for him. I get to sleep about 1 am. By 130 am, Matt and his gf are waking me up... "we, uhh... over cooked the Rice a Roni in the microwave... ummm... it was... ummm... on fire... and the... ummm... kitchen is filled with smoke.... we think we got it put out though." OMG... let me tell you... if you've have never smelled flaming Rice a Roni, you do not want to... it was like a toxic haze... my eyes and throat were burning... I set 3 fans to 3 open windows... it took hours to clear out... I think I went back to bed about 4. Anyway, I ask M what they did... I read the box... 2 3/4 cup water... I ask "did you add this?" He said "yes...well, here's the gallon right here, I'd just opened it." OK, he used spring water for mixing into the Rice a Roni... and there it was sitting there with the cap off on the sideboard... so, I ask, "you didn't put it away when you were done?" He said, "yes I did... I took it out in case I needed some to put the fire out." I asked "is there a problem with the sink water right here?" He said "well, I, uhh, didn't think about it." Well, anyway, the amount missing is about 3/4 cup or less... M explained he couldn't find the measuring cup and had just guessed at the amount. Oh, not a good idea. He puts the cap on and puts the water back in the fridge... I advise him he might want to dump it? Considering the air was thick with rancid smoke just awhile ago and it was sitting there with the cap off? He decides that's a good idea...and added "I'm...uh...still hungry...care to make me macaroni now?" Yeah sure... have an oxygen tank I could use?  Anyway, I think I got maybe... 4 hours sleep... went back to bed at 4, got up at 430 to check on people... went back to sleep... woke up at 530 when my aunt called to ask something about M's work uniform... and then slept a couple hours after that. The cold that has been going around here, which started in my chest, had swiftly moved up my throat and into my head... I could barely breathe this morning... headache, sorethroat, stuffy nose... cough... it's subsided a little bit... but geez... I'm ready for a boring-*ss night! Hope you all have a boring night also! It's safer that way. |
| An old friend e-mailed me yesterday afternoon. I hadn't heard from him in awhile, and he's since moved to Illinois. He sent me some pics of his new surroundings that he took on Sunday. After he sent them, he noticed something in one of them that I didn't see the first time I looked at it, and that he didn't see the day before when he downloaded and looked through them. Turns out, he and I see something different... what do you see? ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** here's a darkened image of the same pic ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** AND, I just noticed this afternoon... do you see anything in the window to the left or the right of the air conditioner? The building is empty. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I'll continue this blog later... |
| **That $50 a week in gas we're saving by driving a small car instead of one of the gas hogs: where is it? **My oldest son started a new job: His boss posted a little bio about him "M loves longs walks on the beach, sunsets, mountain climbing, cliff-hanging, and parachuting...so long as he doesn't have to actually participate." lmao **M and I went to sit on the porch at midnight last night. A car came down the street and stopped near the house, as the guy in the car called out his window to a neighbor boy, who's also 18. "Hey! I'm drunk!" Neighbor boy said "excuse me?" He said "I'm drunk...are you drunk?" Neighbor boy said, "ummm, no." Idiot guy said "oh, man, you should try it sometime!" and drove away. Neighbor boy turned to us and said "I have no idea who that was." M turned to me and said "that must be the same guy who walked by me a couple nights ago and said the exact same thing.........................I liked it better when he was walking." **Yesterday a group of neighborhood kids were trying to sell iced tea. Apparently they weren't getting customers because the took to going up and down the street ringing doorbells trying to sell the tea. This morning I awoke to the sound of the group of them running up and down the street screaming "iced tea!" repeatedly. I find it annoying that people don't supervise their children. My bf said when he went out they chased his car when he left AND when he came back. I said it was ridiculous that these kids weren't being watched. He said "oh, there were 2 adults out there too." Huh? This used to be a quiet street. **I had the opportunity to go to Deb's clothing store last week. M, his gf E, PA and I were out and E wanted to buy a new outfit. M said he wasn't going in there, so I said I would. We looked around separately, but when she was ready to try on an outfit I went back by the changing rooms with her. Wow! This is a busy place. There are moms sitting in the chairs outside the changing rooms while their daughters are inside. They try on their clothes, step out, and show mom... then other moms comment also. I was not aware of this... I have 3 boys. So, E went in to try her clothes on in the one available room... to my surprise she puts the pants on, and steps out to seek my opinion. I wasn't expecting that. I tell her they look good on her, it was a good choice. Then she goes back in and puts on her regular pants, and then tries on the shirt she picked out...and shows me that also. It's modest, not like tops she usually chooses, and I tell her it's nice? She says "I like it." In the meantime, in one of the other rooms, a very tall girl is trying on a skimpy top. She tells mom through the gap at the top of the door, that it is a very revealing top, she can't wear a bra, and she's sure "he" will like it. Mom says "let me see". The girl comes out, and it's a dressy, flowy tank-top type number which is open in the back and snug to her small top part. It also shows the tattoos she has on her arms, below the back of her neck... and when she lifts it, her lower back. Mom says "you want me to see if I can get a smaller size?" Daughter says "noooo... I can hardly breathe in this as it is." Strange mom... any of the rest of us could tell she'd need a bigger size if anything. So, anyway... E comes out carrying the pants and top she picked and says she's going to wear them together. I wonder why she didn't...you know...try them on together? Why one at a time? The pants are tan with a dark brown stitching on the pockets...and the shirt is...salmon colored. I tell her they don't match, and they're both too pale to go together and ask if they had other colors. She said they did, so we went and looked. I suggest the dark brown one, which matches the stitching on the pockets... and generally goes together. I hold them up and show her. She said "wow, that does go...ok...I don't have any brown tops... my mom always picks bright colors." So, I'm wondering if this means I did it wrong... I've never had a daughter to shop with, but I am a woman, and I have watched What Not to Wear. Well, she did wear it home and her mother approved so I guess I did ok. Well, that's enough rambling from me... hope everyone's day is... well-coordinated. |
| **PA's workplace: There was a return of the truck and car. This time the truck carried the woman. PA followed where the truck went to a back section of the property and discovered the woman "pleasuring" the man that drives the car. When he pulled up, they left. **PA's finger: The cut was lengthwise, not across...as it heals, it appears he will probably lose that section, which has no feeling in it anymore. **My son's...uhhh: My son recounted to me last week, "Grammy called me to talk about my 'dinkey doo'...she said that even though the doctor said it should be healed by a certain date that if I try to have sex and it hurts I don't need to finish... that I should be sensible." lmao A few days ago he said they may need to take a bit more. I told him he could go with us when I take the twins on the 8th to be evaluated for the same procedure. That will be cute... 3 of us standing in the hallway outside the door while one of them is getting evaluated. **New topic: We went to a female impersonation charity event last night. They have benefit shows over 4 nights 3 times per year. The May show is for cystic fibrosis...then we met the sweetest little girl who has cf...and there we also learned that one of the performers has a serious illness as well. Here's a pic...the little girl with cf is the one in black and red...the other is my cousin's daughter. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** They were both there last night also. He came on stage and started his performance of "I'll stand by you" wearing a beautiful gown with a small red ribbon pinned on it... worked his way into the audience to take the hand of the little girl with cf and led her to the front for the finish of the song... and in that poignant moment, as they both stood there before us, exuding a sense of peace and joy and hope, despite both not always feeling well and understanding their illnesses will greatly shorten their lives...I was deeply touched by the beauty and power of the human spirit.  |
| **Updates** **My bio-father: When I talked with him briefly last Friday, I asked if he wanted me to visit him the next day. Instead of simply "yes", he said, "I've never kept you from visiting me, you can visit me anytime...I've never kept you away." "So, is late afternoon good for you?" I asked. He said it was. I said I'd call first. I called Saturday a little after 5 and his wife answered. I asked if they were going to be home, she asked him, and he said no. I asked if Sunday at 4 would be good, she asked him, they both said yes. I called Sunday at 4, her mother answered their cellphone and said they were both at the store. She asked "do you want me to have them call you back?" I said, "yes, please." They didn't. My oldest son, who was going to go too, said, basically, "f*ck that stupid loser"... and something about "from a guy who goes to his daughter's graveside only service with his wife and they're both wearing matching leather wrestling jackets saying 'Fear the Spear' this comes as no surprise...I'll see him at his funeral... to which I will wear my 'Bone Palace Ballet' shirt." (It's from a screamo band, I forget which, but depicts a skeletal bride and groom on the front of it.) Then he laughed and it hasn't been mentioned since. I thought about calling my bio-father Thursday, when I remembered he was supposed to get his prognosis Wednesday... but here it is Saturday, and I haven't done it. **The twins: As I've said before, it never occurs to the twins to worry about anything... and then I later added, it doesn't occur to them to give a sh*t. So, "Twin Z" was going to do an errand with my bf and me a couple days ago. We went outside and PA asked "wanna take the little car?" Z asked "what little car?" PA said his son's car. (He's been driving it for over 2 weeks now while his son is in Alabama on a job. I've been driving PA's vehicle, and mine is parked.) Z asked "why do you have his car?" At this point I turned to Z and put my arms around him and said "I love you...can I be like you when I grow up?" Z laughed. They're just so...basic...and easy-going. They're very smart...clever...and funny. They've matured in their picking on each other, so that now when they do they are good-natured about it...taking it as funny and offering a comeback instead of getting mad. I wondered sometimes if they would grow out of that part, even more than I worried they wouldn't grow out of the messy diaper thing I mentioned before. **I still need to blog about the ride home from the post-op appointment... but, "duty calls"... Hope everyone has a great weekend. |
So, I haven't had much to say lately...which is ironic, because the more that's going on, the less I have to say about it. Give me nothing to talk about and I could go on for hours. Or...maybe my blogging muse is off cavorting with my poetry muse, who's been missing for some time now.  Anyway, tonight I looked up a wonderful poem I had loved so much when I first read it...that I have come back to it to read again a few times since. I am grateful to Tornado Day for sharing her amazing gifts that have touched me so.
Have a beautiful day everyone. |
I haven't blogged in a few days...and first I would like to thank Tornado Day  for the sig she made and gifted me above, and *Barbara Maria* for the lovely pink awardicon on this blog. Thank you to these beautiful women, both gifts were wonderful surprises.  On Tuesday I recalled another one of my mom's pieces of advice: If you are getting ready to take a long car trip, go to the bathroom first..."try to go, even if you don't feel you have to." I met her at my aunt's Tuesday afternoon, with my son and his gf. My son had his post-op appointment at the urologist an hour away. My mother asked "ready?" I said, "uhh...well, I need to try to go to the bathroom first." She said, "that's right!" I told her that advice had always stuck with me. She said that was good and insinuated that it was too bad so much of the rest hadn't. lol We were taking her vehicle, but it was raining, so she wanted me to drive. Fast forward to an hour later...my son says he doesn't need me to go in with him, that I can just talk to my mother. Conversation comes around to my bio-father she was married to until I was 2. I recently heard he has cancer of the bladder. We talk a little about what, if anything, I should do about it. I tell her about how I saw his sister in law last week and gave her my number...well, actually I gave her my bf's number...always thinking long-term, I figure when there's a call made in the future it will go to him, instead of directly to me. Anyway, my mother and I decide I've done enough...and am not obligated to do any more. My son and his gf come out and I drive us to someplace for lunch. In transit, his gf reflects that she's glad she's not a guy because it all hangs out there. I suggest that it might be easier...and that a woman's monthly cycle and bearing children doesn't make it easier to be a woman. She responds "well, we don't have to worry about getting a boner and hiding it behind a book." OMG, thank goodness! lol I tell her that women can get into embarrassing situations with their cycle time. She relents..."yeah, usually I'm wearing my tan pants." My mother comes through with yet another piece of advice I'd forgotten, "always wear dark pants at that time"... but then she updates it with... "but don't sit on light colored furniture"... then adds further instruction... "if you do, pretend it was already there... even if that means blaming it on an old woman or a guy that was sitting there before you." lmao So, I'm sitting at a red light when this is going on... and we're laughing too hard... and my mother has tears in her eyes and says "let's get out of here" like a girl might say to her sister when they're teenagers and realize they might get into trouble for being foolish... and that makes me laugh harder as I remind her "ummm.... red light? we can't get out of here?" She laughs some more and says "geez, when I get tired I get really stupid." I tell her I hadn't noticed. So, we're sitting at lunch and my son loves her stories...or just the way she says things. She says "grandpa" likes to go out to eat, but she's going to avoid feeling guilty for doing so by ordering something "grandpa" would like and eating it while thinking about him. She's decided she doesn't need to bring him something back, that this is tribute enough. She adds, "well, he is a really nice guy you know... I had to work late the other night and I came home and he was running my bathwater... I thought how nice... I got these soap things from a woman at work... you put them in the bathtub and they just fizz... I don't see any point in it really... but they're nice I guess... so, anyway... they're heart-shaped... and I notice there's one sitting in the bottom of the tub... not even fizzing yet... hmmm... I get in and swish it around and nothing happens... no fizz... it's still heart-shaped... I pick it up and put it on the counter... it's still in the wrapper! He didn't unwrap it! I think 'oh well, I'm not going to say anything, he meant well after all'...and hey, he was tired, it was the thought that counted." At this point, my son almost chokes on his food. He reflected later that it wasn't so much the story, in that it was the way she told it. Laughter aside, his gf turns to him and asks "are you going to tell them?" He shrugs and relents. The doctor told him his test results came back and he didn't know anything was being tested. I know that when something is removed it goes to the lab. Apparently, the doctor thought my son's foreskin looked cancerous, but it came back as benign. They said he had balinitis, frequent irritation, which leads to penile cancer...and his was close. The common precursors to balinitis are being uncircumsized and having diabetes. We didn't know this. So, all in all it was great news, but realizing we didn't know the potential for bad news or how close it was was unnerving. Fast forward to Friday... my bio-father called my bf's number and I called him back. He said he goes Monday for bloodwork, and Wednesday to the urologist to find out how much longer he has to live. I will try to see him, maybe today. I have no expectations of the visit... I don't really regard him as my father, but as a person I know. I visited him, after it had been quite some time, when my half-sister died 2 years ago. We lost touch again. If he needs to process something with me, I am willing to let him do so... if he doesn't that's ok too... if he needs to be reminded that I forgive him and harbor no ill feelings toward him I can do that. I think about the timing, between my father and my son... and the news they hear from a urologist. I wonder about life, spirituality, the universe... thoughts too deep to discuss intelligently. I hear a song, or read a poem that seem to speak to the present journey... and I take those as "messages"... and just hope I understand them correctly... it feels like I do. Hope everyone is having a great weekend. |
| As if cast from the hand of fate just to fascinate me, our security guard came and sat next to my co-worker and I on break outside. My co-worker asks "you ever have a momentarily clear vision of where you will die?" We both shake our heads indicating we haven't. She talked about the on ramp to the interstate and how some people don't yield, but pull out in front of her. So, he (the guard) says that when he's on the interstate he doesn't allow people not to yield as he will not get over. He said there is a sign there and they need to obey it, and added that he's ran them all the way to the next exit. I inquire "it never occurs to the other driver to just hang back and get behind you?" He says "not if he's as big an assh*le as I am." OK, that's a good point which I hadn't considered. I mean, really, I do like this guy...he's just very strict about rules...usually. Anyway, my co-worker says that could be dangerous, and he just shrugs...he said he tells is wife if it's her car he's in what does he care...and if it's his car he's in, well...he pays the bills for it...so, he's got it covered either way. My co-worker says "ummm...it's my LIFE I'd be concerned about, not the car?" He just shrugs. I ask "you don't really care, do you?" He said, "no, not really...maybe this sounds terrible, but I only care about one thing in life, and that is my wife." OK, OK...I'm really hooked now...I wanted to know more. "Don't you have 2 sons?" I ask. "Yes, but they're grown up now, I've done my job, they're not my worry anymore...yeah, I hope they do well...but, whatever. I told them, just never f*ck with your mother or you will be sh*t to me." I ask how long he's been married...he says 35 years...I ask if he was "swept off his feet" kind of in love with her...he says no...I ask if he was when they met...he says no. He's not a depressed person, he's clean cut, always had a job in security...with Brinx before coming here...friendly and conversational. I have seen emotion from him once, when soldiers first went into Iraq. We sat outside and talked, and he said he hoped people were allowed to do what they needed to do. He reflected losing 2 close comrades in war that were shot from someone within religious walls, and they were allowed no prevention or recourse, they could only carry the bodies away. That day I saw a lot of emotion. He is also the best hugger on campus, which is kind of funny, because he says I am. So anyway, this today was fascinating to me. There'd been some blog discussion on the differences in men and women, what parts of our behavior and feelings have been handed down through generations. I have often felt that primarily a man's greatest love is his wife, and a woman's her children...and that may be a thing that has stayed with us through evolution as essential to continue the species. So the guard starts saying these things, like the perfect example...and I'm captivated..."tell me more?" He shrugs that there's really nothing to tell, it's all just very simple. I tell him I love simple...and hearing about simple does wonders for me. Unfortunately, his work cell rang and he had to leave. He has info I need! The next time I see him I'm going to also inquire about chickens. So, have a great day... may you find answers to your questions, should you have any... or at least know where to go to get them. |
| I didn't get to sleep til after 5 this morning. So, I decided to go "shopping" last night...had a few extra gps burning a hole in my pocket. Look what I found! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** A sig to go along with my Dove chocolate expression from yesterday! How serendipitous! Perhaps I couldn't sleep last night because I was MEANT to be up to buy that sig before someone else did! It was....destiny! heheSo, while I was at it...I added this one to "my cart" as well... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** It's not just that I want that dress she is wearing. It's also that is sometimes how I feel. It just seems sometimes that life is a stage play with a cast of strangers... you may remember them from the last scene... but you didn't know them before the play started... and you were sorta thrown together to improvise the whole thing... and there's hardly an intermission. I've been so blessed to see some of my pre-play friends just off-stage...folks I've known forever... and even more blessed for the scenes they've been a part of... and I so appreciate when they have acted as stage whisperers for me, when I felt like I didn't know what to do or say, or who I was. It's not always easy keeping up the act...I can only hope when the final curtain closes there is at least some applause and someone is throwing roses at my feet. Apparently, lack of sleep = existential reflection. LOL Have a great day |
| A co-worker brought in a bag of Dove Dark Chocolate Promises. Anyone familiar with these will know there are little expressions on the inside of the wrapper. I got one earlier that said "the breath of autumn is a whisper to the soul". I like poetry, metaphor, symbolism, etc....and I love that statement...so much so, that I could almost hear my soul whispering back a response. I just opened another one...wondering what thought might move me this time...."collect 10 different kinds of tree leaves".......???? Huh? Perhaps my expectations were too high in thinking I'd get another moving one...or perhaps my understanding is too limited to appreciate the complexity of this one. Regardless, it still had the dark chocolate inside...and that's what really counts, isn't it? lol I hope that story can be considered independent of this next story, that was occurring simultaneously. The twins are easy to parent, they don't ask for much, don't call often when I'm at work...but Zach called about an hour ago and said "Jake (the dog) sh*t on your bedroom floor." I said, "uhhh...ok? I'll take care of it when I get home?" He said ok and hung up. He called 20 minutes ago and said "Jake sh*t in the hallway." I said "ok?? I'll clean it up when I get home?" Then, I remembered something that sounded like what my mother might say in this situation, so, I asked..."is it solid?" He asked "what??" I repeated "is it solid?" I guess I was asking that to know if he was doing it because he was sick. Anyway, Zach said "uhhh...I guess so?" I said, "ok, I'll take care of it when I get home." He called 10 minutes later and said "Jake ate his own sh*t." I said, "OK? Guess I don't have to take care of it when I get home." He said "huh? oh...haha...ok, bye." So, in closing... collect 10 different kinds of tree leaves... and... if someone is full of sh*t, may they eat it before you have to take care of it |
| My mom characterizes herself as shy and uncomfortable talking to people...though she's always talked a lot to random people whenever we go anywhere. She is usually "old-fashioned" and "proper"...and "sensible." I am an only child, the only one to bear the benefits of all this wisdom directly. A few months ago some of us were visiting...everyone gets to bring their dog...it's "dog haven" out there. I was sitting at the table with no shoes on when I felt my aunt's excited dog drag himself over my foot. I said "ewwwwww, I felt wet pen*s." My mom instantly responded, "well, that's better than a dry one!" She then burst out laughing, as did I. She stopped long enough to add "I can't believe I said that!" I assured her I couldn't either. My aunt, who's her fraternal twin, was laughing also...partly because all those sisters are still 16 inside when they get together. THEN she says, "the worst part of it is now I'm sitting here wondering...is that really true or not???" lmfao Eventually, it was decided that it depended on a few things...1. whose pen*s it was, and 2. what was it being used for? OK, some advice from my mother: 1. don't pick that 2. if it itches, wash it 3. don't rob Peter to pay Paul 4. hold onto extra money in case something happens 5. sometimes you have to let the dishes soak before you wash them 6. separate colors in the laundry and take them from the dryer quickly so they won't stay wrinkled 7. a married man or woman should not sit next to someone that is not his or her spouse (that's the old-fashioned part) There's too many to remember right now...maybe more to come. Have a great day...and remember, if it itches, wash it. LOL |
It's a lot of work, and NO pay, to be a 24/7 teen counselor. Anyone who has teens knows this...you never know when you'll be "called in." Last night it was...well, this morning...1 AM to 6 AM...the topic? Teen relationships...my oldest son and his girlfriend. The drama is irrational. Working as a counselor is different, you can leave that job at the end of the day...I know, I've done it...it's so different when you live with it...and it's your child/ren...especially if it's related to sex.  One always has to keep check of their own emotions to help others through theirs, regardless of lack of sleep or anything else...one always has to be ready. Sometimes I wish I was just a bitch and they didn't like me. LOL But, in the end, I'm glad they do...I just hope I survive it. I'm glad, too, especially at times like this...that there is this site, where one can go and talk to people, or read, or write, whatever... without that kind of drama, angst, or whatever you call it. There are a lot of great people here! Hope everyone has a stress-free day. |
| For some reason, this has been going through my head the past day or two. I haven't heard it recently...I have no idea where it came from...but it's fairly persistent...so, maybe it's "advice" someone needs to hear...if it's advice for me, I haven't figured it out yet....ok, here it is: You don't tug on Superman's cape, You don't spit into the wind You don't pull the mask off that ol' Lone Ranger And you don't mess around with Jim I looked it up, I didn't know Jim Croce did that song. I, uhhh, also didn't know the first line of that lyric...I've always thought it said...... "You don't love on Superman skates"  No, I have no idea what I thought that meant...seemed like sound advice though...and I was quite sure I never would. Have a great day all! Watch out for Jim. |
| So, yesterday I learned some more info about Friday...it's coming out a bit at a time...apparently he couldn't handle it all at once. We were telling a friend the story and my boyfriend adds that the guy that got out of the truck "didn't have anything to be proud of either." eeeeeek! LOL Not one to just let something like that go by, I inquire..."What about the driver? Did HE have something to be proud of?" It seems he's not ready to remember that yet. TODAY he called and said, "Guess what happened?" I'm ready this time..."that couple came back?" He said "sorta." I'm thinking . He told me that he noticed both of the same vehicles parked in the same place...except, this time no one was in either of them. He wrote down the plate numbers and he and his co-worker watched from a distance for a little while...until they saw....(are you ready for this?)...2 people came walking out of the woods carrying a blanket... (are you sure you're ready for this?)...the guy that was "servicing" the other guy last week got into his car...and...(here it comes........) a REALLY big woman got into the truck that the man was driving last week.People are interesting, aren't they? LOL Have a great day! |
Shortly after I posted the blog Friday about my boyfriend's accident at work the day before, he called me. He had a dramatic tone to his voice "you're not going to believe what I did." I'm thinking " I jinxed him by blogging about it." I'm also thinking, "well, at least he called." I ask "you knocked the end of your finger off?" He said "No....WORSE." I'm wondering what can be worse than that and leave him still able to call me. He said there were 2 vehicles parked on the grounds where he works, and since there was going to be some work activity in that area shortly he had to go down there to tell them to leave. He approached the truck where he could see a big guy sitting in the driver's seat, both windows down, so he went to the passenger's side window to tell him he had to leave. This is when he saw the driver was...uhhh..."receiving a sexual favor"...the person in the passenger's seat sat up...and it was another man...who then got out of the truck in front of my boyfriend, with his...uhhh..."excitement" showing...pulled his pants up, fluffed his hair, got in his car and left. The driver of the truck left also, neither saying a word. Now, my boyfriend and I have gay friends, he has no issue with that...he just doesn't want to...you know, see "it" happening. He has no interest in seeing another man "receive pleasure"...nor seeing another man's "excitement" swinging out in front of him. I offered, "well, at least you didn't have to go to the emergency room for THIS." He said, "ummm...I still might." I'm thinking this still can't be as bad as that time his daughter left a bunch of stuff at a place she was renting and the landlord handed him a book with pictures of his daughter and her husband "doing naked things." Probably not as bad, either, as that time his son got out his laptop to show me pictures of his girlfriend's family and the picture viewer defaulted to the last pics he looked at, close ups of him gripping "his excitement." So, relatively speaking, Friday afternoon wasn't so bad for him afterall. Have a good day! |
| My boyfriend, I'll call him "P.A.", has big hands; ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** his pinky is the size of my thumb. This became evident 5 years ago when he moved here and decided he liked my gold thumb band, which I'd bought myself as a "freedom ring" after my divorce and worn faithfully for 5 years. He tried it on his left pinky and wanted to keep it. I said "uhhh, ok." A couple weeks later I noticed he wasn't wearing it and I asked what happened. He said he didn't want to tell me, but he'd lost it. I was stunned, and hurt...but I didn't say anything at the time because I thought I was being unreasonable that it bothered me so much, it was just a thing afterall...and I figured he felt really bad about it anyway. I searched the house and never found it. I noticed that he drives with his left hand dangling out the window and mentioned that to him saying it could be anywhere...he said he didn't drive like that...it's one of those things that people can sometimes do without realizing they're doing it...suffice to say, in 5 years I've taught him to realize it. "Hey, ummm...where's your hand?" LOL So, now he's taken to elbow on the window frame and 2 fingers up against the top of it...so, he drives around with a peace sign pointed out the window all the time...which looks even stupider than the other thing...and the offending pinky dangles from it. He often comes home from work with scrapes, cuts, gashes even...on his hands and arms and he has no idea how he did it. "No big deal...I didn't notice when it happened." Anyway, YESTERDAY, he stops by to see me for a minute after work...which he often does. He's wearing a hospital bracelet and has a splint and bandage around that stupid pinky. Apparently, he almost cut if off at the first knuckle around 10 yesterday morning...when he was trimming tree branches by himself...hold with the left hand, trim with the clippers with the right...OOOPS! Oh, hey...I'm bleeding. He notices this immediately. He decides he's just going to press it back together and wrap it tight in gauze and go back to trimming the branches. His boss makes him go to the hospital...he says he'll drive himself of course. After spending some time talking with the older triage nurse, with the necessary questions they must now ask "are you afraid to go home at night after work?" (Apparently, he said "yes...can I come home with you where it's safe?") "Are you satisfied with your relationship?" (I didn't hear the answer to this one.) he gets to see the doctor. Apparently, to hear tell of it, everyone was in stitches, except for him, he opted for the glue. The doctor said "I'll have to move my hand quickly because this glue hardens fast and we'd be stuck together." P.A. asked "you have money in your wallet?" Dr. says "yes, why?" P.A., "because if you stick us together you're taking me to Longhorn." OK, points there I guess...that was pretty funny...and he's rambling on enough to distract me from asking him why he didn't call me because he hasn't figured out what to say yet. He said it was "no big deal"..."it's just one finger, I have 9 others"..."just another day at work"... etc. I ask if he got a tetanus shot. He said he just had one a year ago and they're good for ten. I told him if you get another injury like that you're supposed to have a shot again no matter how long ago it was. He didn't think so...but said the blades were new. Doing errands last night, and out of the blue he volunteers that he didn't want to call me because there was nothing I could do about it and he didn't want to give me anything else to think about given there's enough on my mind already. (Was that a run-on sentence? Yeah, that's how it came out.) I casually said "OK...if anything ever happens to me I'll provide the same courtesy." He said "NO!" I said "yes...I wouldn't want to be inconsiderate." and smiled. The implication here is that he is strong and can take care of himself...but I am not. I beg to differ...when I continually encouraged him to get a spot checked and it was cancer, I sat in the OR with him during the surgery; when I had 2 coils placed in my fallopian tubes (without being cut), he sat in the waiting room and worried. I think I'm strong. Women are often stronger than men about things. (Years ago, one of the twins fell and busted his chin open to the bone. I got a cold face cloth and held it together while my ex drove us to the hospital. In the examining room I was next to Josh. As the doctor was showing me how deep it was I hear a crash in the back of the room...my ex fainted. So, yeah...I'm used to needing to be strong...as mothers, as women are.) Back to today...the offensive pinky...now in a splint and bandages.... uhhh...coincidence or karma? How does one manage to not get one of their hands wet for at least 5 days? That'll be a challenge. He conceded it "hurt like a m*therf*cker"...and that it throbbed every time his heart beat...I called it the "telltale pinky." It's hard to say how it's going to heal, but hopefully, for his sake, it won't heal like this poor little guy's finger healed 2 years ago... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** OK, I've rambled on long enough...especially when I wasn't sure I was even going to blog today. Have a great day all...and...be careful what you get your fingers into. |
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