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the metamorphosis from me to ME along the journey |
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~~METAMORPHOSIS -1~~ on the journey AN ACCOUNT OF MY LEARNING, POEMING AND LIFE-J0OURNEY, 09/18/09ff ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++THIS IS TO BE READ BY ALL WHO DARE TO READ AND ENJOY!!!**!!!*** +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SEPTEMBER 21, 2009 This is my inaugural entry in this journal. This is really a fun and rewarding way to do this!! I am looking forward to filling these pages, and more!!!. . |
| I am working on balancing my world to achieve what I want to achieve. I have decided that I do want to increase the help I give rick in supporting us. I have figured out that my breathing rate-what it costs to keep me alive and with essential supplies is about $200 per month. That includes health and writing supplies--meds and paper. No food, clothes, toys, or day trips. Just the basics. So, my basic income goal is $200/month. I would like to go a little over that to not feel so squeezed all the time. So, my writing does have a practical purpose in addition to giving me an outlet for my thoughts, So, I've resolved to emphasize that I have "office hours" despite the fact that I'm planted out here in front of God and everybody. I can use headphones to affect the level of noise and distraction around me. I could actually work in our room with the bedhead cats, but they treat my new desk as though it is stadium seating during their guinnea watch--they drape themselves all over the desk and adjacent shelving. We'd have to fight for places at the table! I'd get a whole bunch of writing done, but I would be lonely and depressed; nothing is worth that! It's been a really quiet and productive day. Von and Sander went out to a family gathering at Jerry's and I had the house to myself for about 5 hours. Got real organized and streamlined. "All back pasted together," for some reason. Worked on Rick's resume for the new promotion he's applying for. It will mean more responsibility, but it is a solid career move for him and one he will be good at! It willl mean a lilttle more money but a lot more job satisfaction. |
| A response to a great review of one of my simple little poems: " My poetry used to wake me up in the morning; snuggled with my 5 bedhead cats and a cup of bitter over-sweetened coffee, I used to fill pages every day! With the advent of my freelance career and writing 5-10 articles per day, the poetry has sadly dried up for now. Reading [this] review and then rereading my short honest homage to the quiet productive beginning of the day makes me see what I've unwittingly exchanged for a debit mastercard. Maybe I should rethink my output a little bit. . . . The poem in question: MORNING QUIET Morning quiet, mine. Day's start siow, in my peace-time; progress advances. Progress advances toward my growing consciousness. Quiet, not for long! Quiet, not for long as the creatures 'round me slide into full-time wake. Into full-time wake: my daytime life starts anew,. Where'd the peacful go? Where'd the peaceful go? Solitary musings stilled/; morning quiet, mine?! The response I want to make myself see is that I need to add balance to my days again. Whether that involves planning my time differently to be sure that I can make my commitments or giving up the whole freelance gig altogether, I don't rightly know yet. I so like my little empty debit mastercard which represents the freedom I've earned through my working--it's gained me a new portable cd player, some new cd's, and some work-related toys. I know that I need to balance my day between what makes me smile and tick and not sucumb to the MS. If I just played sick and didn't try, I'd get a whole lot more peace around here, and have a whole lot less self respect. I need to reread that book of mine that shows me how to get anything I want, but that I can't have EVERYTHING I want. I have most everything I want already. I need to focus on that more and on trying to be what I consider to be PERFECT; I'm not sure I would like her anyway! |
| First entry of the month! Better late than never, I guess. My world has been submerged by freelancing. I suddenly have enough jobs to keep me frantic 24/7. I just need to figure out how to be online that much! I actually priced a netbook to use in bed before rick gets up, and am now scheming how to be able to get myself into my chair alone, to be able to work at the bedroom desk without waking him up, tho he goes back to sleep so fast I probably won't be finished logging on before he starts snoring--I mean purring! But, about this freelancing . . .I have gotten enough jobs to earn at least $100 per week; maybe 200-300, even! I am blown away. I had no idea that there was such a market for ravers like me! We'll have to see. Today is my first day on the $100/wk --10 article/day job. That is quite a stretch but I am excited at the thought. Like I said, well just have to see. This may require relocating my work station to the back to let me maximize my day. WJHTS! |
| Well, after setting myself up inadvertantly for depression by using the beautiful little tree as a costumicon, I have seen (quite literally) the folly of my ways and have returned to my child-at-heart cat face! I just amaze myself sometimes. No one is decreeing that I grow up after all these years, so I might as well not push myself! Heaven forbid that at 50, I should act my age. Or, maybe I DO act my age, just not what I think I should be acting! I act how I feel;there's no law that says that just because I'm a certain age, I have to act stuffy and not the way I feel. Just because I sit in a chariot and write and type all day doesn't make me old! Sitting here and obsessing about it just might, though! It's just ingrained in my nature to be anticipating good, and fun, and joy. No amount of stuffy pretending can make that gracefully leave my persona. After a year of absolute helll, I have quit beating myself up about anything. We have replaced a good bit of the music we had lost in the move. I have made peace with the mish-mash of our lives still in the ministorage, and am constructively working on ways to whittle that down by year end to just the few precious things we want to keep, if any there be! |
| Well, after setting myself up inadvertantly for depression by using the beautiful little tree as a costumicon, I have seen (quite literally) the folly of my ways and have returned to my child-at-heart cat face! I just amaze myself sometimes. No one is decreeing that I grow up after all these years, so I might as well not push myself! Heaven forbid that at 50, I should act my age. Or, maybe I DO act my age, just not what I think I should be acting! I act how I feel;there's no law that says that just because I'm a certain age, I have to act stuffy and not the way I feel. Just because I sit in a chariot and write and type all day doesn't make me old! Sitting here and obsessing about it just might, though! It's just ingrained in my nature to be anticipating good, and fun, and joy. No amount of stuffy pretending can make that gracefully leave my persona. After a year of absolute helll, I have quit beating myself up about anything. We have replaced a good bit of the music we had lost in the move. I have made peace with the mish-mash of our lives still in the ministorage, and am constructively working on ways to whittle that down by year end to just the few precious things we want to keep, if any there be! |
My writing is pleasingly theraputic, in a way. Yesterday, I was able to turn my horrific bladder-thing into a funny-ish cramp entry without wanting to shed a tear or even die! That's been about 26 months ago; I still can't stand up alone without something/someone to hang onto or to pull up with. But 26 months ago, the doctors didn't think I'd even wake up. Dr. Daniel told Rick not to be surprised if I never got up again. So, God has let me come a long way. But I want MORE!! I now see clearly that if I want more, I'll just have to DO more. I can't be a docile, shrinking violet and expect to move mountains. Or even hills! I'm at the cusp of great things; now is not the time to slack of! Not that there's any danger! I just feel guilty when I feel lazy. There's nothing wrong with relaxation, and I shouldn't beat myself up for wanting it. I just don't want complacency to set in. We had a marvelouis day wed.--went to Mass, had chinese lunch, re-bought 4 beloved CD's lost in the move and upheaval, and roared all over the city, ending with supper at IHOP--and still have $200 left for groceries til this f'riday!! Amazing, to the max!! |
| We have hit our one-year anniversary here in Hixson, Tennessee as of February 10, 2010. (That actually works out to be a neat date:02/10/2010!) I still feel adrift, incomplete, living with strangers with whom I only have my husband in common--but that's an unfair assesssment. I DO share many similarities with Sandra, my super sister, and Von, my cannibal-threatening nephew. We are probably more alike than I allow myself to admit. My grown-up self asks "what's not to like??" The inner-brat says "a HELL of a lot!!!" Still, I'm getting more and more o.k. Am I just refusing to fight anymore? Or am I really at peace, like I so desperately want to be? My inner wisdom hints at peace, more and more. It's like I've been kicking and screaming and adjusting and making new growth points all at once. I've sort of built myself into a jenny-sized job here that has become indispensible, at least to me. I can't imagine my life here without me, and no longer want to leave. That's positive and promising, after all. at last!!** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I have just revised this BIO for class again and want to locate a copy here for posterity! SUNRISE 3.0: ORIENTATION ASSIGNMENT--BIO Orientation assignment The first lesson is your participation in orientation. The first assignment requires all of us to introduce ourselves to each other. Write us a short bio including --the name you prefer we call you when receiving responses in the forums --why you signed up for the class --your future plans & your writing goals --your favorite reading and writing genres --your writing strengths and weaknesses if you have any Optional --Your geographical location --education level and major --age and gender =========================================================== WHO I AM, WHERE I CAME FROM, HOW I GOT HERE, WHERE I WANT TO GO I am jennyj; my full name is Jennifer A. Jenson (my married name is Jennifer J. Cartwright). I will answer to any and alll of the above! I am 50 years old and smiling about it! I signed up for this class originally because I haven't taken a Creative Writing class since 1981. At that time, I was majoring in history. I later graduated from law school, but all the writing in law school doesn't qualify as creative writing. (Law school tries to breed any and all creativity out of the law students; I feel lucky to have escaped with my soul.) (This is my third and final try at the class; sanity and other related real-life considerations required me to drop it the last two times.) I practiced law from 1984 until 2003, when my MS made me too physically disabled to practice. While my MS has been in remission for severa years, I am in a wheelchair and am progressing at learning to walk again. (There is a very good reason why most humans don't wait until adulthood to learn to walk. The average beginning walker falls alot; I am now 6 feet tall and learning to walk again is a trip! No falls, though, for a very long time, thankfully, and I'm being extra cautious now!) After you don't stand up for awhile, you literally lose your balance. As is, I can't stand up without balancing against something like a bed or wall or walker. But I am very pleasesd with my progress--I am doing self-directed P.T and can now stand myself up at my kitchen sink and am trying to stay up for longer periods of time each day.. I currently write poetry daily and average 1-2 poems each day. . Right now, my husband and I are living with his sister and her grown son, our nephew, at their home in Chattanooga, Tennessee.; the household joke is still that all I do all day is eat and write poetry, although I do manage to fit in cookking the family suppers and looking for freelance writing jobs in my spare time.. All I can say is "I'hank God for WDC." I am new in town, feel lost, and right now, my writing is my lifeline. I am actively pursuing freelance writing jobs; I have been in this living situation for nearly twelve months but am still working the basic bugs out of my life--it is not going as fast as I would like, but my philosophy is: progress is incremental! My longterm goal is to publish poetry collections and be the poet laureate of the U.S.! I intend to write more prose in 2010, in addition to freelancing for profit! I have recently gotten access to all of my pre-move writing and am continuing to organize it into a useable mess; it is proving to be a long process! But you can't be very happy in a wheelchair unless you are patient and innovative. For me, life is the journey as much as the destination!. I like to write poetry and non-fiction. I like to read poetry, non-fiction, science fiction, memoir and inspirational writings. I think that one of my biggest weaknesses in my writing process is my computer inexperience. I also tend to ramble, as you can tell!. I think a strength is my easy conversational style, and my love to do research and synthesize my findings into useful material! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- © Copyright 2010 Jennyj (UN: jennyj at Writing.Com). All rights reserved. Jennyj has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work. |
| My first December entry, and it's only the 3rd!! Writing is so cathartic sometimes. I can have a soul-sander of a morning, and after I write a little bit, I'm all-back-pasted together, to quote an old saying of mine. I innocently used that metaphor back in the 80's to refer to a time when I felt sort of ripped asunder about something insignificant now but earthshaking at the time. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| My first entry in longer than I would like to think! I am cheering up and deciding to make the best of an unplanned life course. It still grates on my soul with prominent scarring effect. I have found a list of marching orders that I made for myself last fall, before all HELL broke loose and my world went up-side-down. I am copyying it to here for further evaluation and revision; DAILY PRIORITIES 1. Spiritual .5 2. Get self up in morning–begin preparing on 9/24/08 .5 3. RickCub (husband) 24/7 4. Office phone & matters 1.5 5. Hygiene & personal .5 6. Music .5 7. Create poetry 1.0 8. Edit poetry 1.0 9. Enter (input) poetry 1.0 10. Submit poetry 1.0 11. Journal & goals 1.0 12. Breakfast 1.0 13. Lunch 1.0 14. Dinner 1.0 15. Friends 1.0 16. Organize life & stuff 1.0 17. Clean 1.0 18. Laundry tasks .5 19. Read & T.V.–PM 1.0 20. Sleep 8.0 TOTAL: 24 It really gives me the creeps that this entry was so relatively contemporaneous with the time a year ago when we were still in West Tennessee and contemplating coming here, tho I did not see that coming for a long time. . . it's erie to look back at how clueless my vision was. . . .How shallow the coping skills were that I brought. . . . |
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