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Thoughts on life and society can be pointless, but that's what books are for. I've never enjoyed reading. It's always been difficult for me to read. Sometimes, I imagine little demons pulling at my eye lids. The Devil is in the details. I like people, who can act. They're fun to watch. I guess I wish I could be an actor, but I just don't have that charm and I stutter. My life is meaningless. I just lope from one place to another. I think that's my strength. Most people need a career and family. .. Family is a nice idea, but I've never had a nice family. Is this becoming annoying? ... Let's start with Vertago! He's cool and a stud. He also is popping up a lot in my movie watching. The mind can make association: like is the guy on the radio talking to me? Or why am I seeing so many eye balls in my movie watching? Jeeeze! I just saw CASE 39. A really scary movie with an eye ball scene that's very icky. This guy has a hornet come up out of his eye's lid.. tear duck. Any who, it's scary. Well, when I was Veratgo on Private Games.com my picture was of my left eye. It was trippy. Just a note to the CASE 39 writers: Lilith is not evil. I'm talking about Adam's first wife, expelled from Eden, because she "Would not be his beast of burden." Lilith is the first feminist in Bible Lore, she is immortal. So you can't drown her. Nope, only God can stop her. Okay, this Vertago guy is still effecting me. Strangers will look at me and cover their right eye, cars will shut one headlight off. That's dangerous! I had an elderly woman pinch my butt an call me "Vertago." in the mall. There was a Vertago concert. There is a Vertago song by U2. I started writing about Vertago in the 90's on an Australian web site Private Games.com. That's when I was working at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart was awful. I had an over night manager slap me in the face. I just wish people would stop dropping pennies around me. I mentioned that Abraham Lincoln is looking to the right, while all the other presidents are facing to the left, because he was assassinated. Now, I get penny's dropped around me. I wish I had mentioned the dollar bill and the star of David over the eagel's head. It has twelve stars in it for the twelve Apostles. Feel free to throw dollars at me. Reflections: I wasn't completely honest about what I said about the penny. I was quoting the old Civil war lore Lincoln was facing right because he freed the slaves and turned his back on the brotherhood. That's what I wrote on Private Games.com. I'm not in favor of slavery. |
| I had completed my literature exam. As usual , I felt confident and was the last to present my paper to the professor... I like to reread the questions. I handed my rewritten and eraser smudged paper over with a smile. "My son drowned snorkeling." the professor stated with a blank expression. I froze in a dilemma between saying something trite or something personal from my own experience with the loss of a loved one. "I can't swim. I've always had a fear of drowning. I'm an atheist and I'm so sorry for your loss. Why are you here?" I stammered .... "It's all right. I made it up. I just wanted to see how you'd react." the professor smirked. I gave a nervous smile back an exited quickly to avoid any poor remarks. .. I didn't want to flunk a simple literature course. I got an 84. My life experience has given me an odd perspective on human nature. But, I have spent many years reanalyzing these odd events. For example, my sisters baby sat me. They liked to dress me up like a girl with their hand me downs. At the time, I thought this was normal, but, mom did not. Okay. Why did this odd event happen? My sisters were teenagers and their ethics had not fully developed. It takes time to learn social behavior and respect for others. I had sex with my best friends sister .. I was in high school and Michael was not happy about me dating his sister Rachael. Once again, this was an irrational teenage impulse. Rachael's dad Gunther did not approve .. I assured him I was using condoms .. I actually believed that would appease him. It did not. I was banned from his house and forbidden to touch his daughter. Rachael and I got together outside and continued to have sex. What I concluded is this, we think we are rational, but we have a basic instinct to mess with each other. Most of human history has been driven by a desire to be dominant and good. Nevertheless, we are essentially monkeys with big brains. I still can't fathom why that professor wanted to monkey around with me? Maybe, she thought I was cute? There I go ... Silly monkey . 696 V |
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