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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/1717179-The-Funny-Bone
Rated: 18+ · Book · Comedy · #1717179
It's funnier when someone else hits their funny bone, this chronicles elements of both.
This is my place for all the things that make me go hmmm. There's days I'll babble nonesensically, you know, bloviation. Every now and then I might make sense, who knows?

Here's a sample of what you can expect:

There are days you look for incongruities and you find them, other times they find you.
I'm an oddity myself, in this mission grown from adobe into a town. I look old, penniless
and threadbare, my hair and beard like plants never turned and growing into the sun.

I needed to be alone in a crowd today, so I went to a local eatery for coffee and rye toast.
I sit and observe. The diner is done in a western ranch motif, nothing but cactus, and
murals of cactus, and leftover tack from some dude-ranch gone bust. Yet, here there and everywhere, scattered among the cactus and tumbleweed are little oases of chachki eggs
in pastel plastic baskets resting on plastic un-naturally green grass. It was if someone had ambushed the easter bunny and violently broken him open with a broomstick like some
oversized pinata.

The symbolism was irresistable. Immediately I thought, Christ is risen, and had a shopping
spree at the first church of Wal-Mart. I often wonder what my first impulse would be on
having been risen from the dead. Fortunately, I'm a daoist, and relatively free from the
slavery of buying things to celebrate my holidays.

A young woman and her son came in. He was in a white shirt, red tie, and proper slacks.
He had new patent leather shoes and a cup or so of pomade in his carefully combed hair.
She was wearing a sleeveless knee length dress highnecked in the front, fit it seemed,
for the Fine Young Republicans Convention. I got a better look as she got closer. She
was wearing flip-flops, and her toes were painted like gifts from the Cadbury Bunny,
complete with glitter. Similarly, her fingernails offered a colorful counterpoint to the tats
between her knuckles. Her hair was done up into what we used to call in the 60's, a
"beehive." This particular hive had room for quite a few bees. I wondered if perhaps
the B-52's were in town, hosting an afterparty to sunday mass. She turned to speak to the waitress, who was gurgling and clucking over the young man's finery, and if I were Mona
Lisa, I'd have a smile.

The back of the dress was cut clear to what plumbers often fail to cover up. It provided
a soft cotton framework to what was possibly the most vivid and uninterrupted tattooing
I've ever seen. There were skulls and knives, blood and barbed wire, hearts, viscera, candelabra, and banners containing possibly the secret location of Jimmy Hoffa. When
she left, she said to her friend "I'll see you after church." "Happy Easter everyone!"

Perhaps they'll all sing "Just as I am" at the alter call. I think she'll be humming Frank's "My Way" under her breath. If I were 40 years younger, I'd marry her.
October 20, 2010 at 1:03pm
October 20, 2010 at 1:03pm
#708926
Some soldiers died in a bomb blast.

Some were fathers. Some were Sons.

Some were Sons and Fathers.

They were not the President, nor any of the President's men.
They campaign in other wars, no less bloody for the innocent.
October 19, 2010 at 11:55am
October 19, 2010 at 11:55am
#708811

One

The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.
The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.
Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.
Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.
Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.


A man, blind from birth, who when feeling his way along the wall encountered a mirror, hanging.
He asked his sister, with whom he lived what it was. That's a mirror, he was told. In it is
your reflection.

What is a mirror?
What is my reflection? I don't understand.

A mirror is a polished glass that reflects the light and shows your image as the light reveals it.

What is light? cried the bewildered man.

All I have is darkness, and endless questions that cannot find their answers.

You have your questions dear brother, that is enough, said the sister.
October 18, 2010 at 10:04am
October 18, 2010 at 10:04am
#708720

I can stand in the sand,
and carry the buckets.

I can stand in the grass,
and mow the lawn.

I cannot stand on the ice
without falling on my-

Wouldn't it be grand-
Wouldn't it be great-
If I could just levitate.


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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/1717179-The-Funny-Bone