%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
just your average... er... correction: just your normal... correction: me. |
| The original title of this was "The Oscilloscope"... but too many days passed without a single page view. And then I wanted "Fighting the Current (hey... my canoe's missing!!!)" but no matter what I did to the title, it was at least 10 characters too long -- so I eventually just cut it off. All the titles do have multiple meanings though. This is my journal, as you probably know. We'll just have to see what I can do with it... I might write what's going on in my life, but it will most likely write whatever I feel like at the moment. Kind of like what I use as titles... |
| Newsletter is done, and sent off. I hope it works. I agree, it IS too light out for 7:00-7:30. I keep thinking I have hours left to do homework. I was outside for hours today, between yardwork, and pictures, and a short walk. I will have 400 pictures on this card before I download it. This morning I rediscovered an old dream journal. I have dates written on most of them, but I only wrote years on about half of them. Been remembering dream fragments more frequently, but I keep forgetting to write them down. There was one dream in my notebook that I had absolutely no recollection of, which surprised me. Usually, once I write something down, I'll remember it as I'm reading. There are these beautiful magnolias in the rectory yard. My brothers were too engrossed in their video game for either of them to come with me, so I took the dog and walked over with camera in hand. Spent maybe ten minutes taking pictures of the trees from all different angles and close ups and whatnot. The bells started ringing for six o'clock. My dog got a little spooked and wanted to walk towards the graveyard (which REALLY confused me... lol). And then he wouldn't walk at all, so I had to pick him up and carry him out of the churchyard. Halfway down the block, he wanted to be let down. I officially suck at bowling. I got a 47 yesterday. And that's only because the bumpers were up for the last four or five turns. I know how to work out angles well enough (without using numbers, I think that would kill me, or at least fry my brain) to figure out exactly where to make the ball hit the bumper. Ah well, I was playing against a friend who has a similar skill level, lol. ;-P Hung out in Barnes & Noble for an hour last night. I haven't done that in so long, lol, and never not alone. Whoops, I was supposed to practice this weekend, wasn't I... I had a random sea shanty stuck in my head last night. "What shall we do with a drunken sailor? What shall we do with a drunken sailor? What shall we do with a drunken sailor? Earleye in the mornin' CHORUS: Way-hay, up she rises Way-hay, up she rises Way-hay, up she rises Early in the morning Put 'im in the longboat 'til he's sober Put 'im in the longboat 'til he's sober Put 'im in the longboat 'til he's sober Earleye in the mornin'..." The worst part was that I had to look up most of the lyrics, the tune was driving me a little crazy. There are at least fifteen or twenty possible verses to that song. It was a song for heavy lifting, lol. I am not a bread klepto... I swear... ::eyes a roll or those really good croutons:: I've been really irritable recently, edging on downright mean in some cases. Can't figure out why the muscles in my forearms are so sore. History essay to write. This time period (the beginning of the Cold War) is really interesting... but... ugh... I hate this teacher's tests. |
| Sitting here idly rubbing a decade of a rosary, found it in my room, figured it can't hurt. Actually, it's sort of weird, I never really looked at it before... "the Lady of Perpetual Help" is at the bottom. Appropriate, I guess. I really wish I had some sort of solid faith, but I don't let myself... A single solid belief would be nice, aside from "some higher power"... Feeling sort of numb, sort of nauseous. And there's not a damn thing I can do... It's funny the things you miss in people--the things you don't want to see and, therefore, don't. For acting like such a pessimist, I really do try to look for the best in people. The problem comes when I make up the best. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Or maybe that's just my drive to disagree. The first step is always the hardest, the illusion that it is five miles beyond. The second step is a doozy, but definitely possible. From there, it depends on the elevation of your hill... I meant to write today, I got about a paragraph done when something serious came up. But the newsletter is 95% done. It's really bad when a writer is at a total and utter loss for words... Such a loss of words that thoughts can hardly be formed... I need to revamp the English language, create words for all those things which have no words. Emotions, experiences, categories which have no name. The only problem would come in defining them, which I guess is the catch-22. Things never really resolve on their own. The actions of humans and/or freak circumstances account for most resolutions, but there must be some design to it all... Some twisted fractal of a seemingly haphazard design... That's probably my fascination with tree branches in winter, the pattern in the chaos. If only it were as easy as to stand back and marvel... |
| I took an impromptu mythology exam this morning. I think I got a 50%, unless I guessed unusually well. Knowing me, my first instinct was correct, but I thought to hard and picked a wrong answer on quite a few. All three people taking it had completely forgotten it was today. Well, at least it doesn't count for anything. Out early tomorrow, yay! Ok, it's an hour, but an hour is just fine by me. There's a movement in the House to take the US out of the UN. http://www.thelibertycommittee.org/hr1146start.htm Not that the UN is good for very much besides humanitarian aid, but the organization is a step in the right direction. I just hold the idea that the only way any sort of UN-like organization Been panicky recently. "Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear ...it seems to have a vague Haunting mass appeal ... Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there With open arms and open eyes" - "Drive," Incubus Been really quoty recently, in case you couldn't tell. And a really awful music joke: "Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, 'Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?' "The other replies, 'That was no piccolo, that was my fife.'" To change tones entirely, we did "The Tyger" by Blake today in English. That is one of my favorite poems of all time. "Tyger, tyger, burning bright In the forests of the night What immortal hand or eye Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?" |
| I have strange thought trains. I was reading some article or message board post, and it said something like, "Saddam Hussein would kill every American if he got the chance." I thought "Well, yeah, and so would Jacques Chirac if he got the chance. Then again, he may know a few nice Americans or something. It's a shame that international conflicts can no longer be solved by marrying people off. Like if one of Bush's daughters were to wed Saddam Hussein... But then he'd kill her for getting drunk, because Islam has the whole no-alcohol thing. So then it wouldn't solve anything really. And Bush would be even angrier. And we'd have a 'Shock and Awww' campaign to get sympathy for Bush. 'He tried to kill my daddy! And then he killed my widdle girl!' And then we'd launch into an even more brutal war, but we'd have support of the UN because Bush's other daughter would be married to Kofi Annan, although I don't think Bush is big on the 'interracial' relationships thing. But, in the end, it would still be for the gain of oil." I haven't had any refined sugar all day, honestly. Okay, besides whipped cream, and root beer... but that's it! Of course, there has to be a freak snowstorm on Pshaw's birthday. Ice too. ;-P Then again it would be a VERY strange occurrence if there were a freak snowstorm on mine, being that my birthday is in late June... The wind keeps buffeting the windows. My room was freezing. Apparently something in the heating system leaked and we had a little vacuum. Of course, it happens in MY radiator. It had to fill up with air before it could release the air and fill up with water. My room is always cold tho. It's an asset in the summer, but having an extra blanket or two on your bed in the winter is not good. Some mornings I'll wake up and realize that the skin on my face is cooler than my hands. History test tomorrow on WWII. I like that time period, but I don't feel like studying dates, ugh. And her tests are so subjective. "Which of the following is the most important event in American history? Justify your answer: - The Great Depression - The Civil War - Women's Suffrage - The Cold War - World War II - The Civil Rights Movement" And there would only be one correct answer, no matter how well you justified it. I hope I'm not getting sick. Every morning in school, they broadcast a news program. This morning they were interviewing Iraqis going back into Iraq to fight Americans. They were all giving the camera a peace sign or a V-sign. I wonder how many people (including the reporters the reporters) knew that that sign means the Middle-Eastern equivalent of the middle finger?... Most people think that means "v-for-victory" or that they want peace. Naaah, they're telling us to screw ourselves. Just wondering, is that Star Trek hand symbol evolved from the "V" sign? It was so much fun today. We had chaos in school. That NEVER happens. I was practically rejoicing. It was a good chaos. No one was trampled, pushed, shoved, etc., and it was more peaceful and quiet and benevolent than Picture Day Chaos (which is fun in its own right) and September 11 Chaos (which was not fun at all). Prom was fun. Yes, we do clean up nicely when we want to. I took +57 bobby pins out of my hair that night though. I honestly didn't think that Sister Mary Loquacious planned her wardrobe like that... And a quote of hers: "Where's your date, Sister?" "Oh, he's always there. You know those Jewish men." It's so weird. I went out and took pictures of the flowers and all yesterday. Today it snowed, and I took pictures of the same things, with snow. One day at the end of March, I went out with my camera to take pictures. The next day it snowed, so I ran out before school to get pictures. Twice now in a row I've done that. No pictures taken in the span between the first snow and the second nice day, well, with that camera at least. And not even a threat of snow in between. Back to the grindstone. Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin, oh my! |
| I love poring over old documents. My neighbor just brought over some ones she bought from an antique dealer. Papers for indentured servants, deeds, things of that nature. 1847, 1800, 1740, 1709, 1691. Mostly written on vellum, in very good condition. Definitely all handwritten, except for parts 1847 one, which were printed. The seals were intact on most of them. And several maps. Gotta love maps, especially when they're of areas you know inside and out. The phrasing from them is the best. The deeds keep delegating property lines in terms of posts and paces and neighbors. I really don't like hairspray. The scent of it is almost noxious and the fact that a lot of it is aerosol does not make me like it any more. And déjà vu yesterday and today, once yesterday and once (so far) today. It's always little things, but little things are enough. I need to learn to keep my nerve. Damned if I do, damned if I don't? ::yawn:: "And miles to go before I sleep." Literally. |
| I finally have my very own bonzai tree, a small something juniper. Very happy about that... I hope I can keep it alive. This means I finally have a living plant in my room. Going-out-of-business sales usually make for good bargains. Granted, my favorite ones were... let's just say REALLY out of my price range. Anyway, we had a pretty metal plant-stand in the basement, so I brought that upstairs and it fits perfectly in the corner. Only problem now is that I have something like thirty displaced National Geographics. Reading another Gaiman book. American Gods. Why do I rarely act? Am I just a coward? Do I over-analyze things? Do I feel that time does not pass or that things will blow over? ...Or is it better when I do nothing and let things come to their ends and their beginnings? "And I'm haunted By the lives that I have loved, And actions I have hated. I'm haunted By the promises I've made And others I have broken..." - "Haunted," Poe I want to tell myself it's not my fight... but it is... and it's not... ::sigh:: "I go... wild when the waves start to break And God knows they're breakin' in me now. I go wild because it doesn't make sense For me to cry out in my own defense, Wild because I'd do anything to tear you off your precious fence So this is what it's like living in limbo..." - "Wild," Poe Chills late in the day today, not sickness ones. To paraphrase my brother: "Do you go to a retirement home for your senior prom?" ::groan:: Spontaneous, seemingly causeless pains all day. Arms, neck, temples, headaches, legs, stomach, throat, etc. One that kept really bothering me in my side. My mom forbade me from getting appendicitis when I told her. Clenching my jaw as I write. Too many separate and conflicting thought trains at once. Anxiety, fear, worrying about others, excitement, hopelessnes, hopefulness... It would be nice if I could trust my eyes. Apparently, dogs go into REM sleep... I'm watching my dog's eyes (he didn't shut them all the way) as he sleeps. He keeps moving his nose like he's sniffing and working his jaw like he's chewing. It is really, really weird when people's minds work on the same wavelength. Not quite like-minds, not so precise, just parallel tracks. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely." Now there's a random quote for you. No idea why I remembered that one. Is that from "The Lathe of Heaven"? At least I have little homework to do this weekend. I want to finish that book (I'm only a third of the way through it, but I want to finish it) and maybe do some of the SAT stuff from that website. I don't know what Sunday will bring, or if I'll actually get around to doing anything I mean to. |
| I always have to disagree with people, no matter what it's about. I always have to play the devil's advocate. When I read for over an hour, I tend to get hoarse for some reason. Especially if I read at night. It's the weirdest reaction. Tired. And I really should get to studying. |
| "Vos omnes fortasse creditis me alquid grave ac memorabile Latine dicturum esse. Re vera, illud facere non in animo habeo. Etenim perlecturus sum vobis catalogum lavandariorum. Hic incipit. Tibialium paria tria, subuncularum quinque, tunicae duae, nullum amylum. Sic, actum est. Mihi plaudere nunc potestis. Die dulci fruimini.... Vah! Denoune Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur. You all probably think I am going to say something weighty and memorable in Latin. Well, I'm not. What I'm going to do is read you my laundry list. Here it is. There pairs of socks, five underwear, two shirts, no starch. There, that's it. You can applaud now. Have a nice day.... Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out." - from Even More Occasions for Latin E-mail surveys can be so interesting. This is a friend's description of me. I'm described as "the serious one, who is a Scully when it comes to the paranormal, a conspiracy theorist, and a bit of a loony when she’s hyper. She has hair that even she can’t classify as a color, eyes that sparkle when she’s happy, and the best form of sarcasm I’ve heard anywhere." Aww, shucks. ...My eyes sparkle? "Weltschmerz, n. from Weltschmerz 'world pain': sorrow which one feels and accepts as his necessary portion in life; mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state; sentimental pessimism or sadness." - from some online dictionary Just took several quizzes on http://www.similarminds.com/ . Ennegrams and such. The results for the one with word association: "I have issues with: work, walls, sadness, freedom, health." And my Ennegram results: 6w5 "Professional specialists, 6w5s seek out career security and are more wary in personal relations. If you win their loyalty, they will never waver. They are both sceptical and likely to cling to some system or set of beliefs to keep anxiety at bay." or 5w6 "You are extremely progressive, indecisive, and inquisitive. You have low self control and care more about having a good relationship than a good career. You are introverted and prefer to blend into most environments. You sleep more than most." Well, I think I have fairly high self-control in most cases. And it's funny how those two are opposites on the career vs. relationships issue. And I do not sleep more than most. I'm not an insomniac, but most people actually have the physical ability to nap. Most of the rest of them, I agree with. This was from one of the other descriptions: "People only understand what is familiar, if you exist outside the norms, few will ever understand you." ::sigh:: How true. I knew of déjà vu. I had heard of jamais vu (doing something you've done before, but it feels new). I had never heard of presque vu--the feeling that you're on the verge of a mental breakthrough. I think I'll use that phrase more often. Trig to study. I have to do well on every test this quarter. Someone said the test was easy, but I won't know until I take it. |
| We've been taking standardized tests in school for something like two hours each day. At the end of each section was a writing section, either solving problems or writing essays. I missed the entire third part to math question (where we had to explain mathematically why we did what we did, and I usually just do what comes to me on that stuff, so I had nothing to say) and did not notice until I was flipping through later. I've broken the rules on tests like that before and filled in answers after the time was up (at the most, five answers), but I felt bad about doing that this time, and really had no idea what to do in the first place anyway. So I went back later and wrote the graders a nice little note: "Hello, Department of Education, I am convinced that the simplest answer must be the correct one. Therefore, I have determined that my entire problem to the left is most likely incorrect. The simple means to the simple answer was just beyond my grasp. I have not done word problems such as these since Algebra I or earler, and I was never very good at them to begin with. I apologize for wasting your time." That letter even elicited a hearty laugh from a nun. Yesterday was April Fool's Day, and oh, did my Physics class take it to the extreme. Every time the teacher turned back to face the class, there was less on his desk. When he returned from a break between the periods, his desk was barren and a lone eraser and piece of chalk were sitting on the chalkboard ledge. We'd have moved his desk if it wasn't fastened tightly to the floor. At 9:27 AM precisely, the entire class sizzled like bacon. "How many months did it take you to choreograph that one?" It was planned by a note passed around that class. At 9:31, we all coughed. At 9:45, we all clicked our pens. Someone took one of his Easter decorations, a small paper rabbit. A ransom note was found with the rabbit's ear taped to it. It said something to the effect of "Leave Twix in the cafeteria if you ever want to see your bunny again." He was really sad after that, sad and pissed off. I felt really bad, even though I had no part in that prank. A conversation from Physics class last week. I kept forgetting to post it. Student: "Can we mix chemicals and blow stuff up?" Teacher: "Sure, and I'll buy you a plane ticket to Iraq." Student: "Okay!" Teacher: "No, actually, that's a chemistry lab. For Physics, we'd have to make a nuclear weapon." Student: "Okay, can we do that?" We had a "coffee house" in English yesterday as our project for Emma. (Sidenote: Finally done! I never actually read most of it, the middle two hundred pages really could have been cut I think.) We lit candles on each of the round tables. Most of the class spent the whole 10-20 minutes we were presenting playing in the candles. One girl was roasting an M&M, other people were running their hands through the flames, and still others were playing in the wax. People acted like they've never seen an open flame before. This is only about a week after we went outside for a Physics class and spent the period using lenses to burn dry leaves. The teacher would stand in the beam when it was starting to go really well. A quote which was in one of my textbooks: "When the Nazis came to get the Communists, I was silent because I was not a Communist. When they came to get the Socialists, I was silent. When they came to get the Catholics, I was silent. When they came to get the Jews, I was silent. And when they came to get me, there was no one left to speak." - Martin Niemoeller (Robert Ellsworth, All Saints) We got information in school today about what the procedures and roles and such were in the case of a chemical or biological attack. ::shudders:: It designated the area around the stage as the "Potential Morgue". ::even bigger shudder:: For a while at least, I don't think I'll be able to look at the stage in the same light. Just imagining classmates lying under sheets on the floor in front of the stage... I was telling my mom about the information they handed out today and she said at the parent-teacher meeting a few weeks ago, the principal had had no concrete plans for where we were to go or what we were to do. She said it would have been hilarious if it hadn't been such a horrible topic. "I won't cry. I won't cry. I will go mad." I've discovered I have no idea of the definition of some words I hear daily. There are so many levels to each, so many different meanings, so many subtleties that I have no idea what any of them mean any longer. Good Evil Intelligence Stupidity Love Hate War Peace Probably others I have not even realized. My little old lady is in the hospital. They don't know what's wrong with her yet. I went upstairs last night with every intetion of writing. Ended up writing five words and curling up in a blanket. I spent the next hour in a half-asleep, half-alert state, and hardly moved from it when my parents came in. After they came in, I think I actually fell almost all the way asleep and didn't wake up for another hour. I got a shower and fell back to sleep. Somehow, I'm still tired today. I'm a little tired, but really, really alert at times. I never realized how much I watch peripherally. In trig, I see a dark shape in the door (I sit about three seats up from the door in the row closest to it) and look back to see a nun or a teacher. For getting good shots, I'll focus on the image in the screen, but watch the surrounding areas peripherally. Took a quiz which took my opinions on theological and metaphysical matters and scored them up according to religion. lol, these were my results: 1. Liberal Quakers (100%) 2. Unitarian Universalism (96%) 3. Mainline - Liberal Christian Protestants (94%) 4. Mahayana Buddhism (86%) 5. Bahá'í Faith (83%) 6. Theravada Buddhism (81%) 7. Orthodox Quaker (79%) 8. Hinduism (74%) 9. Reform Judaism (70%) 10. Neo-Pagan (69%) 11. Sikhism (68%) 12. New Age (67%) 13. Jainism (65%) 14. Taoism (63%) 15. New Thought (60%) 16. Orthodox Judaism (56%) 17. Secular Humanism (52%) 18. Seventh Day Adventist (52%) 19. Scientology (51%) 20. Islam (49%) 21. Mainline - Conservative Christian Protestant (47%) 22. Eastern Orthodox (46%) 23. Roman Catholic (46%) 24. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (40%) 25. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (38%) 26. Non-theist (33%) 27. Jehovah's Witness (27%) I don't really fit any of the molds, lol. I just think it's funny how every six months I get different results. A friend and I were talking to the nun in the community service office about the plans for attacks. We said to her, "Did you know this office is designated as 'Psychological First Aid?'" It's never good when your "Psychological First Aid" bursts into laughter. I'm going to go read or write. I don't know yet. |
| Solitude stands by the window She turns her head as I walk in the room I can see by her eyes she's been waiting Standing in the slant of the late afternoon And she turns to me with her hand extended Her palm is split with a flower with a flame Solitude stands in the doorway And I'm struck once again by her black silhouette By her long cool stare and her silence I suddenly remember each time we've met And she turns to me with her hand extended Her palm is split with a flower with a flame And she says, "I've come to set a twisted thing straight" And she says, "I've come to lighten this dark heart" And she takes my wrist, I feel her imprint of fear And I say "I've never thought of finding you here" I turn to the crowd as they're watching They're sitting all together in the dark in the warm I wanted to be in there among them I see how their eyes are gathered into one And then she turns to me with her hand extended Her palm is split with a flower with a flame... - "Solitude Standing," Susanne Vega I heard that song on the radio this morning and loved it. Haunting and pretty and strange. It's over ten years old. Trying to download it now. A paper on Horace to do. It will be short, so I can procrastinate a few more minutes at least. We had to write a short paper over the weekend debating whether FDR knew about Pearl Harbor before it happened. I really think he did, but he chose the lesser of two evils. He could have just let the Axis destroy Europe and eastern Asia, but he knew more lives would be lost than if America entered the war. My printer light is blinking in-sync with the beat of the music playing (the Cranberries). Weird. Why do people persist in torturing each other? I was walking through the mall on Friday or Saturday night, and saw a girl from my brother's class. She is eleven or twelve, and was walking through the mall with her boyfriend. It bothered me then, just seeing those two walking through the mall hand-in-hand. Discovered today that he is sixteen, and that she brags about making out with him. That's really, really sad--on both parts. It's my understanding that she's had older boyfriends for several years now. Seeing that girl in the mall bothered me for another reason. With a shock I realized that that could be my cousin, who is also about twelve. Hanging out in malls, quite possibly having a somewhat serious boyfriend at her age... I doubt her parents would know... And I wonder if they would care... She's sort of the forgotten daughter, the lesser sister of two. ::sigh:: I feel so terrible for her. And there is not a darn thing I can do or say... And if I did say anything about my cousin, it would inevitably spill into my telling them a million other problems they are too blind to notice, or just don't care enough to change... I keep clenching my teeth recently. Frustrations I think. Déjà vu more frequently than ever. Really annoying and really disturbing. Argh! I keep finding myself acting like characters... I thought I was over that, apparently not. At least it's not as bad as it once was... I pray I will never let it get that bad again. There are times when having an extremely vivid imagination is more a curse than a blessing. Some people are so hard to figure out... And sometimes it's even harder to discover that there is nothing (or next to nothing) to figure out about them... Ah, well. To a paper about Horace! |
| Got my report card today. The funny thing is that this year I've had my best report cards ever in high school... and it's also the year that I've managed A's all three quarters in only two subjects. The rest have one quarter... one freaking quarter which throws things off. See, in my school, if you maintain an A all four quarters, you can skip the final exam. My Trig grade wasn't so great (as in dropping from a 96 to an 84... one REALLY bad test screwed my whole grade), but with one weighted course, I managed a 3.9 for the quarter. An short essay thing to write for Monday, and I'll almost certainly be a senior editor for the literary magazine. Very happy about that. I'll be one of three editors next year--probably the smallest number in quite a while... Recital went fairly well tonight. I played Bach's "Orchestral Suite No. 2 in B Minor." Started off on the complete wrong note, but recovered, and I was able to recover everywhere else I messed up as well. Watched the tape of it, and the parts I did right (I got most of it right), I did very well. Proud of that. I could have done better, but I could have done much, much worse. Dammit! Really bad deja vu twice within three hours. Scares the crap out of me. I'm so tired, especially after being up till 2 AM last night. One more day. I'm leading the newsletter meeting tomorrow. The first time it went as well as could be expected. "Expected" is a bad word for it. It went well. I never know what to expect. It depends on who rears their... er... who shows up. Aren't you just thrilled that I stuck to English for this entry? So am I; I was getting all my subjunctives confused and my notes were in school. Sore throat. Ugh. Have to get to a project for Morality. This should be interesting... I won't even write what this paper has to be about, lol. |
| denique conficio! quattor horae scribendi de Cattulloque eius poematibus... sed in Anglico... cur sribo in latina ubi sim fessus? nescio. insolita sum. mei latina horribilis est. sed nemo loquitur id quoquomodo. est causa. est difficilisque lenta. nox bona. Finally finished! Four hours of writing about Catullus and his poetry... But in English... Why do I write in Latin when I am bored? I don't know. I'm weird. My Latin is horrible. But no one speaks it anyway. There is a reason. It's difficult and tedious. Good night. |
| fecit latinam! facio latinam! faciam latinam! ...dum sit finitem. et me pertaedet latinae. multus labor facere est. fessissima sum, et nescio cur sim adhuc desomnis. ceterus labor ut faciendus habeo. dum cras manebit; hunc conficiam. Dead languages can be so interesting... A project due tomorrow (in Latin... duh). I should have had it done. Oh well, only a page or so more to write (in English, thankfully)... lol, I should translate that for you all... (This is assuming I wrote the Latin correctly in the first place...) : "I have done Latin! I am doing Latin! I will do Latin! ...until it is finished. And I am sick and tired of Latin. It is much work to do. I am very tired, and I do not know why I am still awake. I have other work that must be done. It will wait until tomorrow; I will finish this." |
| What disturbs me most about public support for this war is that more and more frequently, people are not distinguishing between Iraqi soldiers/militants and Iraqi civilians. I hear people say things like: "So when is Iraq going to be a crater?" and "Let's bomb the crap out of 'em!"... And I shudder. I watched a girl in my US History class get extremely emotional on the same topic. Too few people realize that every nation has its innocents. Played my flute solo for my piano teacher. She loved it and wanted to hear it a second time. I have it down pretty well, just need to speed it up a little more. And the trills have gotten so pretty. My youngest brother's Confirmation is tomorrow night, so I have tons to do tonight. And have not yet started. This should be fun. There are few things I have no self-control in. Eating popcorn is one of those few. And my brothers brought home really good popcorn... Noooo!!... So tired these past few days. Couldn't make it to the funeral for the pastor, but I went to the mass for him last night. It was bilingual, but it was done skillfully, unlike other bilingual masses I've been to. (We've got a large Hispanic population.) There was a viewing beforehand, and the coffin was open when I went in, but it was closed before the mass began. The church was so full, and about ten priests were present, all presiding. The Knights of Columbus made a sort of honor guard, and the Spanish equivalent (I've seen them a million times and never found out what they're called) did the same. There was only standing room when my dad and I got there. It was sad. A little boy sitting in the last pew was crying silently through the whole mass. He was one of many, but I was standing right behind him through most of it and he almost got me started. Oh... and it was awful... Near the end, a HUGE bug was crawling on my shoe... I really, really didn't want to kill it. There is just something fundamentally wrong with taking any sort of life inside of a church. So I tried discreetly brush it off my shoe with the wall. It only moved to the bottom of my heel, so eventually I flicked it off and it started crawling away across the aisle. My dad said jokingly, "That's the biggest tick I've ever seen." I couldn't not smile. I had to hide behind him to calm down, it just looks wrong if you're grinning at something like that.... What makes it worse is that one of the men standing in the back of the church with us saw it crawling across the carpet and almost started laughing too. He brushed it out of the thoroughfare and over to a corner... Let's just say that the next person in the confessional is going to get an interesting surprise... Oh, wonderful. Sore wrist. Better type my projects and get done quickly. "I've got a non-stop-hole-in-my-head imagination..." |
| To clear up anything, I am not neurotic, but I sure as hell act it sometimes. I sat down at the computer with the express intention of downloading my pictures. In the past 11 days, I have taken over 198 pictures. Well, with two trips, the beginning of Spring, and some strange atmospheric occurances, pictures add up. lol, I never said all 198+ were any good. I have maybe 10-20 which I am very proud of. The others... eh,varying degrees of quality. Some are all right. Some are horrible. My garden is clear of debris, and everything is cut back to the buds. I even was able to climb through the weeds and ivy to get rid of a lot of the honeysuckle. It smells pretty on the breeze, but it really threatens my garden some years. This way, I won't have to pull any out until, if I'm lucky, mid-July. You wouldn't think ancient Roman poets could write humor. It's just not something people tend to think about. And yet, we just translated a few poems in class which definitely had some humor to them. One was about a man who put on a fake accent (the entire poem had strange spellings, it was titled in English "Arrius' Phony Haccent"). Odd how violent pacifists can be. I was looking through my quote collection for a specific Einstein quote. I could remember most of it, but I wanted the exact words. I finally found it: “I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” It's one of the most profound statements I know of. Anyway, I decided I'd list off some of my other quotes. Quite a few of them are relevant to the war. Some of the rest have relevance known only to myself. The ones not in either category are ones I just happen to like. “Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.” – Shakespeare “I am become death, destroyer of worlds.” – Oppenheimer, one of the inventors of the atomic bomb “He said the dead had souls, but when I asked him How that could be--I thought the dead were souls, He broke my trance. Don't that make you suspicious That there's something the dead are keeping back? Yes, there's something the dead are keeping back.” – Robert Frost, "Two Witches" “Earth is the cradle of the mind, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.” – Konstantin Tsiolkovsky “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” – Frank Outlaw “So you see, imagination needs moodling--long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering.” – Brenda Ueland “Creativity represents a miraculous coming together of the uninhibited energy of the child with it apparent opposite and enemy, the sense of order imposed on the disciplined adult intelligence.” – Norman Podhoretz And some more from Albert Einstein... God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean. Man grows cold faster than the planet he inhabits. I am absolutely convinced that no wealth in the world can help humanity forward, even in the hands of the most devoted worker in this cause. Anybody who really wants to abolish war... must, in the most uncompromising fashion, support disarmament all round, as is actually envisaged in the unfortunate Treaty of Versailles. If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor. You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war. If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. Warfare cannot be humanized. It can only be abolished. Violence sometimes may have cleared away obstructions quickly, but it never has proved itself creative. Strange that science, which in the old days seemed harmless, should have evolved into a nightmare that causes everyone to tremble. Do not pride yourself on the few great men who, over the centuries, have been born on your earth--through no merit of yours. Reflect, however, on how you treated them at the time, and how you have followed their teachings. [Now, you have to wonder whether he was referring to himself in this statement...] |
| WHY THE HELL AM I SO F---ING NEUROTIC??!!??!? ::sigh:: ...anyway... We were supposed to go skiing this morning, but it's about twenty degrees too warm. I felt bad, my dad really, really wanted to go. He said it was even better when it was warm like this, but my brothers and I would be soaked from falling. Going to garden later. Well, not garden... More just yardwork so we could conceivably garden in weeks to come. I need service hours, and I need to do something outside. It's such a nice day outside. I have the disks and the information to rewrite the newsletter. I started working on it on Friday, but I have at least two or three hours' work left. It doesn't help that the computers at school have few pictures loaded on them... So, whenever I get done all the text and colors, I have to take it back to the library to add pictures. And hopefully, everything I've done will work. |
| My little old lady nextdoor is home. She's doing much better. It's very good news. ::sigh:: Our priest passed away a few hours ago, maybe more recent than that. He had been doing a little better, but nothing is ever certain. Say a prayer or something, please. It's a small parish. I wouldn't want to see it close. Discovered the rectory was robbed during Sunday night mass. There has been a sixth, maybe a seventh. I'm going to have to stop counting soon. Too much has happened around here recently. So much for things coming in threes. The war goes on. I am never quite sure of my position, but I lean more towards anti-war. Bush was picking a fight. But Saddam must be put out of power. I don't support military action, but at the same time I know that negotiations only work when both sides are willing to talk. I want to protest, but I know that protesting will do nothing when the president is set on a war. Protesting at this point will only prolong the war. Countries always create more destructive weapons in order to avert war. When will they learn?... Everyone should read Seuss's The Butter Battle Book. Especially world leaders. Dr. Seuss didn't just write his books for children... Especially his books that center around arms races... This past quarter hasn't been the best grade-wise. I've managed to keep some grades up, but others are hopeless for right now. The day went quickly. I am avoiding the TV. I hate sensationalism with a passion. I can see the best and the worst in almost every situation. I think I latch onto the worst so that I am rarely disappointed... Restless and distant. Great. |
| My brother would make such a good stand-up comic if he did any of his acts outside the house. He just made up an extemporaneous three minute act mocking his school's lockdown drill. Towards the end, he started making a parody of a parody of "Secret Agent Man." "Little crazy man With a gun in hand..." Physics test tomorrow. It's nothing major. Last test of the quarter. I can afford to have this one dropped and still manage an A. But I should do corrections before Friday... Happy War! My sick sense of humor at work: I sent that phrase to at least five people. "I can't believe the news today Oh, I can't close my eyes And make it go away How long... How long must we sing this song? How long, how long... 'Cause tonight, we can be as one Tonight... Broken bottles under children's feet Bodies strewn across the dead end street But I won't heed the battle call It puts my back up, Puts my back up against the wall ... And the battle's just begun There's many lost, but tell me who has won The trench is dug within our hearts And mothers, children, brothers, sisters Torn apart ... Wipe the tears from your eyes Wipe your tears away Oh, wipe your tears away Oh, wipe your tears away ... Oh, wipe your bloodshot eyes ... And it's true we are immune When fact is fiction and TV reality And today the millions cry We eat and drink while tomorrow they die..." - from "Sunday, Bloody Sunday," U2 |
| I have been in such a weird mood for the past few days. I cannot even describe it. I'm not apathetic, but I'm not passionate. I'm not happy, but I'm not depressed. I'm content, but I'm restless. I'm angry, but I'm sympathetic. I'm not in-between, but I'm not at one extreme or the other. I'm at both extremes simultaneously, but at neither. But I'm not just existing. I can't figure it out. Maybe I'm just moving between everything so quickly that it has blurred into one. Almost all of my friends seem to be having emotional, relationship, or social problems right now (or any combination of the above problems). It must be that post-Christmas break, pre-Easter break slump. Stress, anxiety, frustration, etc. Even before I went back through all my old writings a few days ago, I'd been remembering random lines or images from my poetry. I'd quote them, but they are only lines and not sentences and would not make any sense at all without the rest of the poems. The final draft for my research paper is due tomorrow. I'll finally be done with it. All that's left is a title. I'll do Trig, read Emma, all the while thinking of a good title. |
| And the like-mindedness strikes again. Apparently one of my best friends had been going around to everyone (but me) yesterday, saying: "Why do they call it the 'Luck o' the Irish?' The Irish aren't very lucky." I wrote something to that effect yesterday in this journal. We were chatting, and she heard someone say, "Luck of the Irish." She said what she had said yesterday. I replied, "Yeah, I said something like that in my journal yesterday." "Oh, did you quote me?" "Quote you? Why would I have?" "Didn't I say that to you?..." "No..." So she explained. And we sighed. I have to wonder how many times we do things like that without knowing. To quote a friend: "It's probably incalculable." I have to go to the library. Apparently I have two books which are two weeks over-due... whoops... It's a shame I have a ton to do tonight. I would have loved to hang out at the library today. In a mood like that. I want to get out several books, and renew some that I have (which are also overdue, but only by a day). I'm a bibliophile, what can I say. I could see doing a million projects about some Shakespeare play, or the collected works of some author, but doing three projects about Emma??? We have not even been taught about the time period surrounding the book. (One could argue we have not been taught all year, but that is another matter. We have not even touched on the time period.) I have enough trouble reading Austen to begin with. She's too wordy and round-about. And there are too many long strings of dialogue--by the end (sometimes even the middle) of them, I've lost track of who's speaking... sometimes I've even lost track of what they're talking about. Retreat today. We didn't get as much time to explore this year. That was disappointing. The upshot was that it was student-planned, so no horrible movies. "'Don't hold on to the past' Well that's too much to ask" - Madonna, "This Used to be My Playground" "I am one of those melodramatic fools-- Neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it. Sometimes I give myself the creeps. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. It all keeps adding up; I think I'm cracking up. Am I just paranoid? Or am I just dumb?" - good old fashioned Green Day, "Paranoid" Random scab on my palm again. We keep joking that it's a very small stigmata. Lots to do. Too much time killed. They should have planned the retreat for a Friday. But I guess they get real groups in on Fridays. "Stepped out of the line Like a sheep runs from the herd Marching out of time To my own beat now The only way I know One light, one mind Flashing in the dark..." - more Green Day, "Minority" I have no desire to do any schoolwork tonight. Too much else to occupy myself with. Spent enough time on pointless ramblings. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
