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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I freaking love being an adult. I have learned that to move on you must close doors and say proper goodbyes. I have done it. I called and said what I needed to say. I finally got his agreement and that we are done. I learned so much about myself in this relationship. I learned about myself and my inner heart. I learned that I could love again and fall from the sky. I learned that my heart is big and beautiful. I learned that my sense of humor is magical and needed. I learned that good looks can charm me. I learned that being honest is painful. I learned that some goodbyes take a long time. I learned that toxic behavior can be excused. I learned that finding my inner will will never be broken. I learned to trust my gut. I learned to laugh at myself. I learned to love myself more! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am not in the habit of writing everyday. I will get back to it someday. I can see that I have enjoyed my thoughts and have been keeping myself busy by ignoring my inner poet. I wonder if ignoring the inner poet is why my anger is boiling? No, my anger is boiling because I have once again allowed something to happen with him. I am so over him now. I keep saying that I know. But this time it feels honest and like I can actually carry off my wishes. I don't have time for his insanity. I don't have time for his games or his lack of understanding me. I don't care anymore about being with him. I have finally learned to be independent. I have it covered. Getting paid is making me a bad ass and I love it! To finally feel like my hard work is going to pay my bills. I am going to get the heck out from under this wicked spell of poorness. I feel strong. I feel confident and sure that all my hard work is going to pay off. One sweet day I will pull it all together. It starts with my heart. Getting in touch with my core values again. Rebuilding a new life. Making choices that support my future and keep me moving forward and not running backwards anymore. I see so many fun things ahead. I got this!! I am so happy with my choices and last weekend blew me away emotionally but after every storm I wake up and move on. I am ok right here and now. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Sometimes the best healer is clear water and a good friend. I went to church...as needed and then I spent the rest of the day sitting next to a lake under a tree. I needed the peace of nature to calm my soul. It worked for a little while but now I am awake today and off on another busy work week. Denial is a beautiful place to live. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, If I ever needed to attend church it would be today. I am a sinner. I never thought my life would get so out of whack being me. I have no idea what I am thinking or doing. I live so much in the minute. Seriously, I think I need an intervention. I need to get my ass kicked. I need to have someone hold me accountable for my actions. My moral compass is broken. It's not working anymore. I have lost a sense of respect for what is right with my heart. I am so easily influenced by a good time. I am the perfect party girl. I act as if I don't have a care in the world only to find out in the morning that I do. Why can't I say no? Why can't I say leave me alone and go away forever? He whispers in my ears and I melt like a two year old. Our life together would be impossible. He is not someone I can rely on or build a future with. Yet, he acts as if it's already written in stone. He shows up owning my heart. God please forgive me for letting my heart and body travel to unsafe places. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Is it time for me to finally move on emotionally? I always wonder why it takes my dreams to confirm the truth to me. It's like if I don't dream it then it must not be true. I am slowly, slowly, slowly, realizing Brian has moved on and I need to start a new life. Mourning is a process of acceptance. It's a realization that life does go on and the heart is able to repair. I have always been a slow learner in the life department. I started everything later in life. I had my first job at 19, and really didn't feel like an adult until I hit my 40s. Now I am an adult wanting to be a kid again. I found that I am still able to think and play like a child and I love that. I will never grow old if I can keep my child-like wonder active. It is a beautiful day to play! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am learning to notice my emotions. I am paying close attention to uncomfortable expressions. I want to live my life in peace and have done a pretty good job of it. So, now when something comes up I examine it and really look at my reaction at a gut level. I am pretty smart but admit even I am not the expert I claim to be. I have been fooled a lot over the years thinking I knew myself only to discover I am still in transition and I am far from an expert. I will be someday. As long as I remain open to discomfort and allow myself growing pains. It is a beautiful day to grow! Love, Michelle |
| Good Morning Sunshine, I am constantly reminded by how beautiful life is. I live in this amazing home surrounded by my favorite things and a view hand picked by God. Green seems to be a magical color today. I am at peace but want to go to church today and thank God. I haven't got in touch with my spirituality in a while. I always put it on the back burner and that is not a healthy place to keep it. I want to turn the heat up and rejoice in my blessings. I feel a small disconnect from my kids right now. It must be growing pains. I am getting used to them being teenagers. Savanna is always on the go and Jackson won't leave his electronics long enough to talk to me. I feel slightly left out. I try to reach them through food but even that isn't working. I am at a loss on how to get their attention. Perhaps this is a sign that everything is working and life goes on. I can't live their lives. I have to let them be and keep working on myself. If momma is happy, then they will be happy too. Momma is Happy! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Yesterday's art fair was amazing! I walked over 6 miles and all over downtown. I have to admit I was overwhelmed by the people and the creativity on display. From the jewelry to the paintings, photography, ceramics, wood crafts and my all time favorite blown glass. I love Glass art. I think of all the things I seen I am drawn to the glass the most. The way color is captured and shaped. I have no idea what it is about glass that fascinates me but I love it. IF I had a million dollars I would have purchased a piece of glass from every vendor. I hope someday I will be lucky enough to purchase some glass art. I can always add it to my wish list. Love, Michelle |
| Good Morning Sunshine, Looks like a wonderful day for the Ann Arbor Art fair. I haven't gone in years. It's a day for me and creativity!! love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, To start the day with a smile. I need to embrace the positive vibes coming in my window. It seems colder this morning for some reason. It's been the strangest of summers. I will find a way to get some heat sooner or later. Embracing the positive mindset that all is well in my world. I look for the best outcomes and enjoy the journey. I keep praying that all my hard work is going to pay off. My landlord is upset with me. It gives me some guilt but I am doing the best I can. If I could pay my bills with good intentions I would. If I could make a million dollars I would share it. I will keep doing my best. I believe in myself. I know that it takes time to make changes. I get that I am still on the road and I have not settled yet. It can explain my wondering eyes and heart. I am not ready for one. I am still undone. Love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, Yesterday on Facebook I took a little quiz on who was my secret lover. It turns out I have four but the number one was John M. He was a boy from my neighborhood and he recently told me he had a crush on me when we were kids. I never knew. I never knew that others liked me. As a young teenager I felt very alone and isolated. I had a few girl friends in the neighborhood but I do recall spending a lot of time walking alone and swinging at the park by myself. Maybe because I grew up with lots of siblings I needed to be alone. I needed to remove myself from the crazy noise and sit in peace. I don't recall anyone coming to find me, or make small talk or even try to get to know me. I felt like I was just an empty shell. I do know I wrote a ton of poetry, I escaped in my own thoughts and I tried to be nice. I also felt like I was a very big bitch. I had to be as the youngest girl. I protected my stuff. My twin did not make my childhood easy. We fought and he was mean to me. I can understand my feelings now. I look back and see it all so clearly. I would not trade a single minute of my childhood for something different. It allowed me to grow into who I needed to become. It gave me strength to be myself and to be alone. All the world can have a crush on me and I wouldn't care. I love me. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I can see the fog is settled softly in the back yard, it looks like it is hugging the trees and is giving off a very spooky vibe for July. Kind of a cool way to start my Monday. I have to run like the wind today. Meeting in Ann Arbor to talk to Jackson's doctor. It is always amazing how we can provide so much support for our child. I love that we find doctors that get it. I am impressed with Jackson's current state of mind. He has matured so much this year. I am in awe of his own recovery. I am still working on my own. I need to forgive myself. I have to get back to being honest with myself and total acceptance. It's time. I know that. Just like the fog that is settled in the yard I have to have peace settle over me. Love, Me |
| Hello Beautiful, I see you peeking over the clouds, I know you wanna come visit...Please don't be shy. I have always been a fair weather friend. I have looked for the bright side of every story and run from the storms. Funny, now I can sit in wallow in the pit of ugly. I get it. I can find beauty in the ugliness of the human spirit. I never realized that all my dreaming about sunshine and sweetness would pay off. Wednesday is another payday, and I am praying that the income God's will continue to bless me. Just in case I am going to church today and put in another good word for working. lol Last nights adventure downtown was fun but expensive! It's not cheap being my own date. I did share several laughs with my friends. In fact I realized how freaking happy I am. I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. I need to celebrate that more. It is a big deal. Life is about enjoying in all the beauty. I am surrounded by goodness. Even during the storms I know what's coming afterwords. Love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, It's finally looking like a real summer day. It has been far too rainy in Michigan. I am loving the sunshine and looking forward to walking downtown for our street fair. Nothing beats walking but I haven't been doing it. I have been sitting on my ass. Lazy or whatever you want to call it. I haven't been motivated to move. I haven't even had a personal dance party in like forever. Maybe I really am depressed? Jax thinks I am. I might be. I might be slightly selfish at the moment and not motivated to care. I can live with that. I am in preservation stage. I work with such emotional people and am so overwhelmed by it that at times my body/mind shuts down. I think it's some-what healthy, but maybe I only say that to fool myself. I still need to find my balance and inner peace. I am lonely and I need to face that. I can't keep looking in all the wrong places to find someone. I have to be enough for me. I am enough for me. Heck, I even like me. I love hanging out with me. It's just that I know deep in my heart I am meant to be shared. Perhaps, for now sharing my words will be enough. I have to start somewhere and a very long time ago, I connected with souls on this site that feed my ego and allowed me to grow. I am going to have to put myself back out there for that to happen again. Love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, Oh wow does it feel good to say Hello! I have seriously missed my blog. I have missed my spot in the sun. I have missed my mental words written in Shellyville. I need this place! I took a little break to get my life in order; then I realized I might never get it in order!! I need to write. I need to communicate my feelings. I need to vent. I need to express the inner workings of my soul and I have so much news to share. I am a fully licensed Professional Counselor. I have all my requirements done and now work full time as a DBT therapist. I love it. It's beyond challenging and constantly reminds me to be mindful in my own life and to take care of myself. One of the ways I can do that is by getting back in touch with my writer's soul. I missed me. Life has been a remarkable journey. I am still single. I know I will have lot's of time to explore that statement. It still shocks me at times. I look back at my old writings here and realize how I had my feet in two different worlds. I am not living that life anymore. I have my space defined. I have my balance of work and home. I have me all to myself. I haven't learned to share my heart yet. I got a little burned out on dating and trying to fit into everyone expectations. Now, I am living for me. Well of course for Savanna and Jackson too. Still the best things in my life. My kids remind me all the time that I am crazy. I love being crazy. I freaking love my life. I love all the insanity of making a living and building a life worth living. I am surrounding my heart in joy. Now I can share that joy over and over again. Thank you Michelle for working your ass off and having the funds to re-open your writing.com account. I look forward to this next year as a year of growth and professional development. I want to explore my poetry and create words of love. It's all so wonderful! Love, Me |
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