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Inner Workings of the Machine

by Storm Machine

Rated: 18+ · Book · Other · #1946560

When one blog is filled, another one must open.

Coming soon: more work from someone creative, ambitious, and determined - often called a variant of insane/crazy.

Notes: Genderfluid. Preferred pronouns (they/them)

[& denotes married couples]
Immediate Family: soon-to-be-ex-Dilbert, Tempest, Dogbert

My Extended Family: (s)Dad, cousins (K, D, G, J, F, N) I guess it's good to be on speaking terms with someone. Voluntarily. AuntS
Dilbert's Extended Family: SIL (+5 kids)& BIL, FIL's gf (only for holidays, mostly)
Important People I Don't See Enough: Owl + Partner, Paradise ICON crew (which owl is a part of)
People I've Known a Long Time/Long Distance: Doc & [husband], Sheer & DocSheer, Mrs. Light & [husband], Trillium & Diego (not married but close enough), Steph
Local People: MotherDroid, Owl&Partner ... There are about to be new people on this list, because, well, I'm evolving. And it hurts.

DnD: used letters, S (DM), D(doctor), Y(because I like him!), K(old RPGer friend who also attends church), P(church guy who does game night and is local and our families are also friends), A (went to church but moved back to Chicago, moved back locally then i moved)
Tempest's friends: I don't know very many of her local friends. She's got an internet buddy who also talks to CousinK's younger daughter. the younger daughter is DRAMA.
Dogbert's friends: Has a new group of friends based on a Pokemon thing and they have a DnD club at school and outside of school. Lucky kid!

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Brandiwyn🎶

Jan 26, 2024 at 10:14am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

It occurs to me that while at first glance, his reactions seem supportive, some of it may be financially motivated on his end. Shared parenting and you getting an engineering job would both impact the state's child support calculations.

Storm Machine

Jan 24, 2024 at 2:11pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

He had actually mentioned that specifically.

Brandiwyn🎶

Jan 24, 2024 at 11:06am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Did you ask the attorney about the inheritance? Assets are assets.

Also: *hugs*.

Storm Machine

Jan 21, 2024 at 12:16pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

It's part of a business - we could split the yearly maintenance fees and each get a week vacation every year. I'm thinking about it, like so many other things.

He said today he doesn't want to tell the kids until after my daughter's finals week. She already knows, but OK.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jan 21, 2024 at 1:27am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Sometimes when the decision is finally made the 'fighting' ends. You both know that the path forward isn't trod by looking behind. Therapy will help with that.

Can the vacation property be lived in year-round? (Me, be nosy... no response expected. My cousins' summer-shanty would have had to be winterized.)

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jan 17, 2024 at 2:45am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Priorities... The 'house' isn't #1 imho. Leaving should be #1. Finding a place that's suitable is fine; be prepared to make sacrifices. A 2 bedroom may work. Keep the price within the means of what the new job offers.

Lawyer... kudos for doing that. Let the lawyer deal with any legal aspects.

Counseling! Again, kudos, it may or may not be fixable but that will become clearer over time.

The noodles... you may be over-reacting. But that's what counseling is for. The underlying issues need to be found and dealt with.

I hope this works for you. Relationships are precious, even when they need to be redefined, even when they need to end.

And remember... unsolicited advice sometimes stinks. That's why we have garbage bins.

1 Like

Storm Machine

Dec 24, 2023 at 5:44pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Time by volume instead of length: A full day versus a long day.

We all have those encumbrances of relationships we drag with us. Or, maybe not all of us. But I'm tired of it.

1 Like

Kåre Enga in Montana

Dec 22, 2023 at 9:52pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Time by volume... like filling up a balloon or a room or... I dunno. My morning routine was about 1 meter squared... cut in half. How many squares can I stack in a day? What's the size of my room/body/life I inhabit?

I'm filling up my time dog paddling through this experience in Thailand. I figure that swimming is better than drowning. Been there before.

My relationship... is rocky at the moment. Nice 1 minute snuggle this morning; but frankly, I want more. Regardless of his issues... I could use a therapist to help me deal with mine.

My back is doing somewhat better with daily exercise (or exorcise as I call it). I don't take good care of myself when I'm alone. I shouldn't be alone.

My chiropractor friend told me a long time ago (over 20 years) that one of my issues was my mother. She used Bio-Energetic Synchronization Technique (B.E.S.T.) if I remember right. When my mother died last year at age 99 I felt a weight lifting. I was 'free'. Mind you, she'd become a sweet old lady; but, my inner child still remembered the Before Times. I find it sad in retrospect.

1 Like

Kåre Enga in Montana

Nov 21, 2023 at 11:13am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I think I have to thank May, Michigan and Keith. T'was 1999 and I became a poet. My Muse broke out of its chains. Come to think of it... it was a crossroads.

I don't market. Could I? Should I... *shudder*. I'm fortunate to get out of bed everyday. There were times in the past when that wasn't guaranteed.

80k is impressive. I have focused on blogs this November but even that's just 14k.

I think you're right about creating and sharing. Focusing on the process will get results... in time.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Oct 29, 2023 at 12:23pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Tech... can't live without it these days. Drives me nutters at times.

Marketing? I'm fortunate to just stay semi-happy-awake-functioning-whatever.

Very stressful week.

1 Like

February 25, 2023 at 9:39am

#1045514

Is it over yet?

So, Sheer and DocSheer - had a lovely but weird convo last night about my struggles. It started tangentiallly but then went deep into the rift between Dilbert and me. Somehow it all kept falling out, because Dilbert has been sick and mostly a lump on the couch for two weeks (when he isn't parked in front of the tv he's in my office in a meeting pretending to work), or he has casually exerted himself going up the stairs and having a mild argument and suddenly he's hack/vomiting up a lung in the kitchen sink.

I'm fed up with him on several levels, but bc DocSheer is no longer his doctor (nor the kids') she could tell me she may suspect he's on the spectrum. Which really throws me for a loop, because I was on the narcissism and OCD route, but he's not like my friend with OCD (though OCD takes different forms) bc my friend talks about his OCD support group, and how they're different. I would still say some narcissism in there, but ASD takes a different turn and actually does support several things I know about him growing up and being an adult (can you believe I've known him 27 years this fall?) and a few of the pieces might fit better.

I did ask Dilb to go to therapy this year, for himself. Our insurance doesn't really cover couple's therapy unless it relates to the mental health of one of the participants (usually they look at me as the diagnosed and in-therapy one). The biggest problem with being the one in therapy, taking meds, is that all fault is generally assumed to be mine, by both of us. Yes, I'm working to turn that around.

It is a very long road when you cannot trust your brain, and figuring out you also can't trust your partner's brain that you had trusted so much when you were younger?

Except somewhere I knew i couldn't trust him. It's been more and more apparent over the years, which is one reason I do not confide so many things in him that I should if he were a partner, but he has demonstrated many times he prefers to act as manager of the house and not a partner or even a participant in most ways.

My head is still exploding but I'm going to get through this. I'm so overwhelmed I can't even write this week. This cannot pass soon enough. Tempest gets braces next week, and the kids and I all have eye doc appointments within the first week of March. I have left Dilbert to take care of himself for so many things, and he proves again and again that he just cannot.

Can't even drive 15 min to pick up Dogbert from dance to save me an hour of driving. Two days in a row. Expects me to bring him food. Can't run the snowblower and also doesn't tell me how to do it. So many little things are just too damn much.

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