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What If is a question never answered, and so Why Do We Ask the Question? |
I’m at a stage in life where I look back and wonder where the years have gone. I remember the dreams we had, the goals we had set and still we are doing what we were doing all those many years ago. I guess it’s not so different to many in their late fifties looking down the barrel at their 60’s and 70’s thinking what if and if only. If is a potent word, if that happened, if he did this, or she had said that, all rather futile ponderings in the larger scheme of things. Never the less, they are there front and centre, larger than life. I am often surprised at the stories told by folk throughout the socio-economic strata, their talk of when they struggled to create a home and family are familiar, the outcomes differing. It seems to me its not so much what you do or how you do it, its how the cards fall and the decisions you make along the way. I see myself as a strong person, gifted with a love of life and humanity, painfully aware of not suffering fools gladly nor owning the capacity for patience when cheap tricks or disloyalty is involved. I was left reeling with a sense of betrayal when someone close to me played the game of negligence disowning his actions by walking past without a backward glance. It took a while to realise the word stupid featured heavily in our role as victim, a rather strong adjective when attributing it to oneself, but I believe if the cap fits, wear it. The resulting estrangment made me aware of a need to feel accepted by those closest to me. In my late teens there was a time when I was forced to understand that to be accepted I had to conform in mannerism, speech and thought. I am able to look back on those days of misery with an understanding of cause and effect. |
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