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 |   My 2nd blog. My spot for sharing my life, music, and writing with my friends. |
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Hello, Hello. Fancy seeing you here. I'll work on making this nice and pretty later. *  I also have a poetry blog, for those who dig poetry:
AND I have a mental health group with a monthly challenge:
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars While the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car ♡ * I will never make this pretty. |
Artist: Hum Song: Stars [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt: What event from history do you wish you could have witnessed? Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** So, the last time I answered this prompt (almost 3 years ago to this very date), I said I wanted to witness the moon landing because that would mean I'd been on the moon and could rub it in people's faces: "Invalid Entry"   I like that answer, but I'll pick something else for the sake of the prompt.  I've actually taken a bunch of geology courses at university. One of the classes had us look at some of the manmade geological locations like the Great Pyramids, The Sphinx, Stonehenge, the Mayan ruins and stuff like that. I was pretty amazed at how intricate and huge those things were built before technology. I'd love to go back and see the planning and math that went into creating something like the Sphinx. I don't want to actually work on it, of course. But I'd like to witness how other people built it. Briefly. Like, I don't wanna watch forever. Maybe just a sped up clip of how it was done.On another note, I've gotten pretty much nothing done all weekend. I have several family members struggling with mental health issues and/or addiction issues. Which should come as no surprise given the fact that I am how I am. They're all at different phases in the recovery process and I've been trying to be supportive of both them and my other family members who are freaked out about it. I'm like the person you go to when someone's having mental health issues in my family, but it has been a lot. Like, it's actually super time-consuming to be in someone's support system. Who would've known. The actual hours of time and the absolute energy sap. Maybe it's just me... I try to put other people before myself if at all possible. I need to spend the rest of the day catching up on homework because I've fallen pretty far behind on assignments and stuff. Luckily tomorrow is a day off from lectures, although that feels weird to say. Like, luckily this really great leader of the Civil Rights movement got assassinated so I can not go to school now. Whatever. Hey, wanna know a historical event I don't wanna witness?  She thinks she missed the train to Mars She's out back counting stars |
Artist: Fleet Foxes Song: White Winter Hymnal [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt: Find a piece of nature that you can hold in your hand (leaf, twig, rock, berry, etc). Describe it as closely and carefully as you can. Use any means available to you to examine the object (magnifying glass, scale, all of your senses) and practice your descriptive writing skills. Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I am unfortunately too lazy to go outside and find a piece of nature. In my defense, it's snowing and freezing outside. Any piece of nature I could find would be, like, a piece of gravel or maybe a twig stuck in the snow. I don't have the connection with nature that I used to have, to be honest. Growing up in a rural area, there were lots of lakes and trees and all that. Living in the city, it's pretty much just concrete and misplaced hubcaps. You can find nature anywhere, but that perfectly landscaped shrubbery that surrounds buildings just isn't the same.One underrated thing about snow is that it's very quiet. It has that blanketing/deafening effect even in the city. I'm not a snow fan. I think it sucks. But I do like actually watching snow fall from the heat of my apartment. The bad thing is that it's only beautiful as it's falling and untouched. Once it gets driven through and plowed, it's basically a mud slush until the temperature heats up enough to melt it- which can take weeks. I know that doesn't fully answer the prompt, but suffice to say that I don't like outside things much at this point, probably because it's hard to fully experience nature where I live. I still appreciate what I can of it, but I honestly hate getting dirty and it would gross me out to pick something up off the ground that people have stepped on a bunch of times. You win this round, OCD!  Prompt: What are some things you struggle with day-to-day right now? Not things you've struggled with in the past, but things that are an active daily problem. What are you doing to resolve those specific problems? Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** At this point, my biggest day-to-day issue is mood swings. I'm exhausted before I even get to school in the morning because I've had therapy and my moods have sin-waved me into oblivion. My current therapy work is aiming at helping me to sit with those negative moods and emotions without acting on them, which would be an improvement over my current methods of handling them. I think I'm getting better at telling myself that a mood is going to pass. Like, it's just a mood, don't make any rash decisions. I'll even try to convince myself to give it a certain period of time before reacting. I'll try to get myself to just give it half an hour or even 15 minutes. I'll just let myself stew in it for that time and then see how I'm feeling when the timer I've mentally set is up. Of course, it's completely exhausting for me and everyone around me. They'll be like, "What happened? You were just now fine, what changed?" It's like I can't even explain what happens in my brain during a mood swing. Sometimes I can pinpoint a specific trigger, but often it's like literally nothing happened. I was sitting here and suddenly got an incredibly intense rush of negative emotions and I'm now paralyzed in it. So, that's what I do all day every day. I was following the pack, all swallowed in their coats With scarves of red tied 'round their throats |
Artist: Temple of the Dog Song: Hunger Strike [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt: How much do you know about food waste in your country? Spend some time researching this issue and share a fact you learned. How conscious of your access to food are you and in what ways can you be more responsible for reducing your own food waste? Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This prompt makes me feel bad because I know I'm in the category of people who waste food. In my defense though, 90% of the time I waste food the situation is like: Me: I don't want any food. Other person: You're eating something. Me: *wastes food* I've never understood those people who just, like, put food on your plate when you're like, "No, really, I'm not hungry." I think it's ingrained in American society that if you care about someone, you feed them a lot of food. I've had this problem since childhood. Like, my parents would always put meat on my plate as a kid and I did not want to eat meat of any kind. The food always went to waste because I was a little bit stubborn and would refuse to eat it no matter what anyone said to me or did to me. As an adult, I have people who try to give me too much food. Instead of giving me a reasonable portion of mashed potatoes, they give me like half a plate full because they LOVE me.  I do try to make my own plate whenever possible so that I can ration out what I want, but even then, people will try to urge me to eat more or still come around and drop more food on my plate like I'm a human trash receptacle. So, I found FoodTank's 2017-2018 Annual Report. FoodTank is a non-profit food waste management company based in the U.S. I prefer to read company's annual reports than to read like a Buzzfeed or pop news article. I'm probably used to annual reports from being in business school for years. So, here is the report. And here are the U.S. food waste stats:Food loss and food waste is prevalent throughout every food system. Each year, 1.3 billion tons of food are lost or wasted globally. In the U.S., roughly 63 million tons of food are thrown away as a result of over-buying and misinterpretation of expiration and sell-by dates, costing US$218 billion annually. In the developing world, an equal amount of food is lost due to poor infrastructure, broken cold chains, pests, and disease. Food waste squanders natural resources, contributes to climate changes, deepens farmer poverty, and further impacts the 800 million food insecure people in the world. That's the meat and potatoes, no pun intended. 63 million/1.3 billion is roughly 4.8% of global food waste per year from the United States. Thaaaat honestly doesn't seem as bad as I thought it would. I mean, it's certainly not good, but I kind of thought it would be a lot higher? Nonetheless, it still costs the US $218 billion annually, so that's not awesome at all. Here's the thing, and I don't want to offend anyone, but... people kind of focus on the wrong things with food waste. Yes, you should only put on your plate what you want to eat, but I've literally never understood and will never understand the concept of forcing yourself to gorge on food when you're already full because you "don't want to waste it." Honestly, it's one of the most illogical things I hear people say fairly regularly. That waste not want not mentality is outdated. Yes, don't put the shit on your plate if you don't want it, but don't binge eat as though you've got some kind of moral high ground for finishing all your food. Starving people aren't going to get the food whether you toss it in the trash or toss it into your mouth. It's a super emotional low-level action that doesn't help anyone. If you want to actually help food waste management, focus on the other things in the quoted text above. 1) Inform the public on the difference between expiration and sell-by dates. Force companies to clearly state on their packages when food must be eaten by. This isn't going to work for me because I have OCD and am terrified of eating contaminated or expired foods. If something is even close to the sell by date, I'm not eating it. But then again, I'm not gonna buy it either. Example, if I go to the store and see that they have bread that has a sell by date two days from now, I'm not gonna by it because I know my OCD ass isn't gonna eat it. A lot of normal people though don't know the difference between "sell by" and "expiration date" and will toss something on the sell by date. Also, I feel like companies (especially pharmaceutical companies) put an automatic expiration date on things that are perfectly fine. For example, my migraine meds when picked up from a pharmacy have an expiration date exactly 1 year from pick-up date. When I buy them directly from the manufacturer, however, they magically have an expiration date of up to 2 years.  2) The food lost in developing countries due to poor infrastructure, contaminations, pests, and disease is BY FAR the bigger issue here. If you have a hunger problem and a huge quantity of the food in your country ends up spoiled due to the previously listed items, how is that not at the forefront of everyone's mind? Finding ways to reduce contamination and disease is the best route for helping cure hunger in developing countries. This is done through research, scientific and technological advancements, proper food handling and inspection regulations, etc... There's a reason we have the FDA. As a citizen, you should try to not overbuy and waste food because it does fill up landfills and waste your money and our collective money as a country. That being said, world hunger in developing countries needs to be solved with, you know, the development of those countries. There are plenty of nonprofit organizations working on these issues and they're always looking for donations through not only money, but also time and resources. I already work with 3 nonprofit organizations in my spare time- two are mental health organizations and one is an education organization. Nonprofits are always looking for volunteers to do pretty much anything to help- writing emails, research, data entry, marketing, fundraising, grant writing, software development, etc... If food waste management is something you're passionate about, I suggest looking up some of the nonprofits in your country that are working on this issue. They'll appreciate you offering a hand. As far as what I can do personally, I don't really know. If you haven't gathered yet, I have a mentally unhealthy relationship with food. I have difficulty eating because I have such severe aversions to so many foods. If I could just get all of my nutrients in a pill form, I would do that immediately. If I get, like, one full meal in spread throughout the day, I'm doing good. I don't really know how I can waste less food, to be honest. I don't overbuy, I never order a crazy amount of food if I'm out. I don't go to buffets at all because my OCD can't handle the contamination factor. And (as long as I'm preparing my food) I never make too much food.And just as a reminder, most of the world's population live in countries where obesity kills more people than starvation.  I don't mind stealin' bread from the mouths of decadence But I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled |
Artist: Passenger Song: Anywhere [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt: Do a bit of research on your Zodiac Sign. What are the associated characteristics of people with your sign and how do you exhibit those characteristics? https://www.horoscope.com/zodiac-signs Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This may come as a surprise to no one, but I am not a person who gets into astrology. That being said, in the interest of being openminded and not being a dick, let's go all out! So, horoscopes are weird to me, maybe because I thought the word was horrorscope for, like, an embarrassing length of time. Because I'm whole-assing this prompt, I went ahead and found my HORRORSCOPE THEME SONG and used it for this prompt.Knowing nothing about my horoscope, first impressions off the dome... Song seems appropriately emotional and romantic. I was born on December 17th. That makes me a Sagittarius. Damn, and I thought horoscope was hard to spell.  Okay, let's roll through some of the supposed traits of Sagittarians(?): Independent and strong-willed.Oh shit, we're off to a bad start. I've seen snakes with more backbone than me. Not only am I not independent- my therapist says I'm actually codependent. Uh, let's move on... Natural born leader.I, um... I mean, I lead groups at school a lot, but mostly because everyone's so busy that they don't want that role. I run "Invalid Item" here, but I lean on the group members for pretty much everything. So, yeahhhh... let's keep moving. Born adventurer, and loves solo travel and exploration.LMAO. I barely solo adventure to the bathroom, let alone travel by myself.So far this is just a list of things I don't do well. Are you mocking me, horrorscope? Open-hearted, generous, and big-spirited, but always truthful to the point of lacking tact or empathy.Okay, I half fit this one. I do think I'm fairly open-hearted and I do think I'm truthful with people, even when it means telling them what they don't want to hear. But I've legitimately never in my life been accused of lacking empathy. If anything, I'm overly empathetic. In bed and in relationships, Sags are adventurous and giving, able to adeptly try new things or break down barriers.Ohhh, there I am. They just got lucky with this one because I'm such a megawhore. Doesn't count. A Sagittarius will always be honest and in check with their emotions, and a Sagittarius will not engage in emotional blackmail.Hahaha. You wish. As if I'm gonna do all this kinky shit and then NOT emotionally blackmail you on your way out. Is this the real life, is this just fantasy? A steadfast friend and a creative thinker.Brb, let me look up "steadfast". This one's at least sort of accurate. I'm pretty loyal anyway, like a dog. Yeah, so, I gotta be honest here. I don't see myself in this horoscope. It just doesn't sound like me at all. Greatest gift is blazing new trails alone?? Greatest challenge is being too blunt? Secret weapon is independence? I mean, fuck, even my top love match (Aries) doesn't match my spouse's sign (Capricorn). I tried. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Prompt: Are there certain times of the day where your anxiety, stress, or mental health problems are worse on average? What time of day and what do you think causes the increased severity? Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Man, I wish I could rely on a certain time of day to be more anxious or have more severe symptoms than other times. That would be cool because you could be like, well, it's nighttime, I'm always more anxious at night! My issues aren't like that at all. I can wake up feeling perfectly fine and then swing the other direction before my feet even hit the floor for the day. I can also have the opposite where I can hardly get out of bed because my mood is so low and then within 20 minutes I'm up drinking coffee like, "LOL JK." I will say a couple trends I've noticed (from keeping very detailed mood charts along with my journal): I have more severe mental health symptoms on the morning of and night before I have school. I have specific people who trigger episodes so any time I have any communication with them, my mood is volatile for the rest of the day. If I'm going through a prolonged episode of obsessive/intrusive thoughts from OCD, they're always the worst between 2 and 5 in the morning. My moods are always extremely low after exam periods (midterms and finals). I get depressed for a minimum of 72 hours following finals week. My moods are typically most stable during the middle of the day (between 12pm and 5pm). And by that, I just mean that my mood charts don't jump up and down as much during that timeframe usually. The busier I am, the more stable my mood is. During especially busy times, my moods are completely "MEH" for days straight with almost no emotions or variation. And then, as already mentioned, my mood drops drastically once I'm no longer under intense pressure.Not to preach or anything, but these are really great insights that I wouldn't have if I didn't log my mood every hour or so every day. It takes a while to see these trends, but they start to emerge with time. I find them to be so useful. For example, I know to give myself a grace period after midterms week because I know I'm going to be very low. I don't make plans or schedule things during those times because I have that information about myself. Oh, and I will be with you In the night sounds and it's true Oh, I'll go anywhere with you |
Artist: The Offspring Song: Why Don't You Get A Job? [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt: I have a stressful day at work today ... What strategies do you use to manage stress in your life? Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Job-related stress is totally underrated. When I'm financially stressed, every other issue I have is amplified by, like, 100. You have to be really careful with what kind of line of work you get into because some things are very lucrative, but end up not even being worth it when you calculate the personal pain and suffering involved. And at the same time, it can be nearly impossible to give up those fruitful endeavors because you've already tasted the money involved. People always say, "Well, everyone hates their job." But is that really acceptable? Is it acceptable to work people like easily replaceable wage slaves? Is it reasonable to work someone so ragged that they're exhausted and physically/mentally sick? I don't think that's OK at all. In fact, I think it's pretty shitty and immoral. How to counter stress though, oof... that's a toughie. I've picked up a few coping techniques in therapy, so might as well share them... How to deal with stress: 1. Keep a weekly journal/daily planner. This has helped me immensely with just figuring out what I need to do and prioritizing. Every week, I have a list of things I want to get done, and then each day, I highlight things from that weekly list that MUST get done that day. So, say I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, I must do that on Thursday. It's just a great technique for productivity, and it feels nice to cross things off the list. 2. Carve out private time for yourself. This one is tough for me because I often feel like I have no time to give myself private time. I've been doing it a bit more lately, and I must say I think it's been pretty effective so far. Just giving myself 60 minutes to relax and read or something makes my next 3 hours of studying a lot more productive. 3. Don't beat yourself up. Sometimes you just legitimately have too much shit on your plate. You physically aren't going to be able to get everything done that you need to get done. So, do step 1 and get the absolute must-have tasks for the day. Finish as many of those as you can and leave the rest for later. It's important to realize that you're only human. You can only do so much in one day. It's okay to be stressed out when you have a bunch of meetings back-to-back or whatever, but don't beat yourself up about barely keeping afloat or falling a little behind. It happens to everyone. 4. Don't forget food/water/sleep. I'm so bad at this one that I shouldn't even be allowed to list it... but it's totally true. If you have a stressful day at work, that sucks. If you have a stressful day at work, you've slept 3 hours, you haven't eaten since last night, and you're only drinking coffee... That's a recipe for feeling like utter shit physically and mentally. 5. Lean on your support system. It's difficult for a lot of people to admit that they're in over their head with something. The people who care about you have been extremely stressed out before too. Talk to them. They're going to understand. Even if it's just for you to vent in their general direction for 20 minutes, it will make you feel better to get it off your chest and have someone there who loves, supports, and understands you. I'll cut it there because I don't want to overwhelm an already stressed out person with more than 5 things they can do immediately. Hey, toss this on the to-list! But seriously, you have to take care of your mental and physical well-being before anything else. There is absolutely nothing more important. You're not going to magically stop being stressed out, but taking care of yourself makes you stronger and more able to overcome those especially tricky obstacles.  Well I guess it ain't easy doing nothing at all But hey man free rides just don't come along Every day |
Artist: Green Day Song: Basket Case [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt: Where in the world would you like to visit the most? Assume you are not worried about money in any way. While you're traveling, give me a status update on January so far. Smooth sailing, or turbulence? Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If I tell you where I want to go, does that mean you have to take me there?  I've never been much for travel. I have two modes: nomadic and settled. I have no problem moving every 6 months and spending a lot of time on the road. I also have no problem with staying in one place for a couple years without taking any trips at all. What I really can't do is the in between stuff, which is pretty much the basis of travel. Like, I don't want to have a permanent home and be on the road all the time. It's too much responsibility back home. Plus, I like home.Half the reason I don't mind being nomadic when I don't have a stable home is because... you know, I don't have a stable home to go to... Just as an addendum, I will say that I'm pretty much a vagabond within my own city - even with a settled home. I can't remember the last time I spent every night of the week at home. I regularly spend the night elsewhere, sometimes for days at a time. I have friends, I guess, people I hang out with and crash with often. It works for me because it gives my better half a much needed break from me. Even though I'm not a super big traveler, I took a tourism class and learned about some interesting places I'd like to visit. I really like ecotourism and how involved the community can be in opening up their "doors" to tourists while still maintaining an eco-friendly travel experience. I don't really want to go to a resort that you killed off a bunch of trees and animals to build. I want the natural experience of the culture, nature, and wildlife. Norway is one place we learned about that is very big on ecotourism. They have a lot of natural fjords and are very restrictive about what you can and cannot do in those areas. The country is very interested in sustaining the natural beauty of their land while still allowing outsiders to experience it. There is a quote that floats around travel circles that says, "Take only memories, leave only footprints." The quote is actually attributed to Native American ecologist, Chief Seattle (yes, the city was named after him). I really like to keep this in mind when I do travel. It's all about being respectful in your travels, and I really hate when I see litter left on a hiking trail or at a natural landmark. So, if I could travel anywhere, I would travel to Norway and leave everything just as I found it!  As for how the year has been so far, well, I think I'm just a turbulent person. Considering how 2018 ended, I'm doing as well as can be expected in 2019 so far. I've been to all of my classes (although I'm only in my second week). I'm going to all my therapy appointments. I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing, PLUS some I shouldn't be doing.  What can I say? There are a lot of ups and downs, sometimes minute-to-minute. I don't expect for things to be smooth sailing at the moment. If I did, I'd be sorely disappointed regularly.I'm doing what I can, and I'm writing daily! Blog entries totally count, especially when you're me and have hardly written in a couple years. I'm enjoying reading everyone's entries and being back in the community regularly. Having the WDC Discord has helped me feel more connected to the community in a lot of ways because there's always someone from the site over there to talk to. It's nice when I can rant about a moment I'm having and (often) get immediate responses from several people who I already know and trust. So, yeah, I'm doing OK at the moment... I think...Prompt: Have you written any fictional characters that suffer from mental illness? Tell us about the character and the illness they suffer from. Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Oddly enough, I've only relatively recently been taking my mental health seriously. I've known my diagnoses for a long time, but I always kind of assumed that once things in my personal life settled down, the mental illnesses would just kind of evaporate with the increased stability. And, because of that, I didn't really put much emphasis on learning about mental health disorders- even my own. I think I didn't want to accept that there could be long-term, chronic issues there. It's easier to, ya know, deny it. I'd pretty well convinced myself that people just didn't understand me and all of my issues were normal given my history. What I'm saying is that I have written characters with mental illnesses before, but not through an educated lens. There are probably some items in my port that highlight stereotypical aspects of mental illnesses, and I plan to edit those items if I ever find the time. The problem is that because I have mental health issues, pretty much everything I write is from that perspective. Almost all of my short stories I've written are very dark. Certainly my personal poetry is dark as well. But just take this for example:
This was written as part of a challenge that was entirely unrelated to mental health. There was no reason at all for me to put a psychological perspective on it. What you'll notice if you ever delve into my port though is that almost all of my fiction writing is somehow psychological, whether it's about addiction: "The Ten Year Drought" , obsession: "Gift for Natalie" , child abuse: "Invalid Item" , PTSD/nightmares: "Devoured" , or just absolutely random violence: "Invalid Item" , it's super clear to see that I've injected my personal bullshit into almost everything I've written. And these are all about 5 years old, so written before I even understood my own mental illnesses, let alone others. That's my way of saying that I stand by nothing I wrote. My point is that I think people with mental health issues can accidentally superimpose those characteristics onto their fiction characters without even realizing that they're doing it. I certainly don't remember writing a single one of these items. Do you have the time to listen to me whine About nothing and everything all at once |
Artist: Hot Hot Heat Song: Middle of Nowhere [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt: “We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.” -Ernest Hemingway What are your thoughts on this quote by a writer many consider a master? Who are some other writers you admire or consider masters? Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I tend to agree with Hemingway here. If you ever consider yourself a "master" of a craft, where's the motivation to improve? I think others can consider you a master; I don't think you should ever consider yourself a master of anything unless you're done attempting to advance your skills. Maybe it's just my perfectionist tendencies, but nothing is ever good enough for me. Nothing I write or do is perfect. Have you ever, like, done a work or school assignment and you hand it in, like, "This is total shit, here you go..." and then you receive a lot of praise or high marks for it? Even in THOSE situations, my brain is like, Welp, that person is wrong. I can't even tell you how many times in school I've been like, "I bet that motherfucker didn't even read my shitty paper. They probably just skimmed it and tossed an A on it." I don't know if this says more about my self-esteem or more about the way I view others. And just to clarify, this word 'master' really depends on the person. Like, if you aren't into the genre or whatever that someone writes, it's gonna be hard to view them as a true master of writing. You can respect them and think they're great for other people, but you're not gonna hold them to the same level that you hold your favorite author in your favorite genre. I happen to dig Hemingway's writing style a lot. It's very... concise. As for other masters of things... I'm pretty sure Warped Sanity  , ~Minja~ , and I would all consider David Lynch to be a master of filmmaking/directing.A lot of people consider Lovecraft or Stephen King to be masters of horror. Myself... I consider a lot of people to be advanced in their craft. I'll call them a master of their specific art, but that doesn't mean others would agree. A lot of people who watch David Lynch films are weirded out or bored out of their minds- or both. That doesn't make him any less of a master to us. Look, all I'm saying is that there are millions of people who consider Ariana Grande to be a master of music, straight up. The word means almost nothing. Prompt: Recall the last time you were angry. What were you angry about and how did the situation get resolved? Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** As I've mentioned (more than a few times), I am one moody dude. It will come as absolutely no surprise to anyone that I've been angry several times in the past 12 hours- and this has been a decent day.  I try to not rant too much when I get pissed off at this point because I always, always, always end up saying some shit I don't mean. And then I gotta backpedal like almost instantly, because even amid a meltdown, I know that what I just said should've never come out of my mouth. If I really get on a big meltdown, I'm inevitably gonna end up ranting and all that, but I also get just flashes of anger that only last a few seconds or a few minutes. I'm usually able to just bite my tongue (sometimes literally) during those moments. For example, one of my many school groups this semester was supposed to submit our names and contact info to the professor by tonight. I messaged one of my group members and mentioned that the person who has everyone's names and contact info (which isn't me) should, ya know, do that. And the person responded with, "Let's just do it later." I very briefly got pissed off, like, what the fuck do you mean do it later? It's due now. But after maybe 30 seconds, I realized that I don't really even care at this point. So I just never responded. The problem is that I'm too, like, rule abiding sometimes. I know, strange. But when someone tells me, "hey, I need this thing by X time." I'm like, "K." and I get them the thing by X time. Personally, I get kind of annoyed af when people are like, "That thing you told all of us to do doesn't apply to me because I'm special." You didn't have to do it but you did it to say That you didn't have to do it but you would anyway |
Artist: Say Anything Song: John McClane [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt: Open your local paper or browse online for a news story headline that grabs your attention and share it with us. Try to venture outside your comfort zone and read a story you wouldn’t normally read or even one from another country! Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I don't read the news... like, at all. I didn't even know the US government was shut down until last week when I started school and it was a topic of discussion in my economics class. That's how far removed I am from the news cycle. There was a time after the 2016 election where the news media just got increasingly more depressing. I mean, it was depressing before that too, but it just got super extreme on the sensationalism. It's like at a masturbatory level of negativity. One of the problems with the news other than its pessimism is that all the other stories make absolutely no sense to me because I don't follow entertainment media. Like I'll read an article and it says something like, First Name Last Name shocks millions by announcing retirement. And I'm like, I have no idea who that is. Then I look up the person and they're, like, a fucking YouTuber. I could absolutely not care less about someone who is Instagram or YouTube famous. It's worth less than nothing to me. If someone on the L leaned over and said, "Hey, my cousin's nephew-in-law is retiring." That's the absolute equivalent to me. Useless information that means nothing. That is to say, any news story I read is one I normally wouldn't read. News in general is out of my comfort zone. So I'm just going to look up offbeat news stories and write about the first thing I see. This has to be the stupidest shit I ever read.  For real, maybe I should read the news occasionally, just so I can feel like less of a fuck up. Who for real drives a 2-ton vehicle while blindfolded. I'm so glad I'm not a parent. I'd be so afraid of having one of these complete goofballs as a kid. This is my favorite part of the article: "Lt Travis Lyman, the chief of Layton Police, said "luckily" there were no injuries - but added that he never thought he would have to warn the public not to drive while blindfolded." I don't even know how you come back as a person from doing something this stupid. Like, it's nearly impressive. I did watch Bird Box. I thought it was meh. The book was somehow even worse. Do you ever read something and wonder how the fuck it got published? That was Bird Box for me. Absolutely horrible writing, no character building, and unbearably repetitive. The book has a decent concept but has no other redeeming qualities. If anything, I guess we can be happy no one got hurt? I dunno. For all my reckless behavior, driving isn't an area of life where I'm reckless. I can't stand drunk or unsafe driving. When I almost get into a car accident and see that the other person is texting on their phone, not even looking where they're driving, it makes me violently angry. As shitty as it is, I think something bad should happen to that person and only that person. If you can't be bothered to look at the fucking road that you're driving 70mph down, I'm not sure if you really deserve anything less. I have my vices, but nothing I do puts anyone in danger except myself. All I'm saying is, if one of my friends did something like the person in this article did, I probably wouldn't talk to them anymore. It's just exceedingly stupid to the point of embarrassment. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tiny mind, tiny mind Someone flog my tiny mind Internet has humped me blind |
Artist: Nirvana Song: Milk It [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt: Besides the craft of writing, are you an artist in any other medium? Sculptor, singer, dancer, painter? Share a story about your talent! Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I don't know if I'm an "artist" per se in other media, but I do like drawing a little bit. I'm one of those people that doodles in the margins of every notebook ever. Someone will ask to see my notes for school and I'm like, "Uh, I can explain!" because the margins are so full of doodles that often have pretty dark imagery. It's awkward when someone's just trying to get the accounting notes and they've gotta try to crop the skulls out of the picture. Nothing is like writing to me though. I mean, I might mindlessly doodle during class, but that doesn't compare to the effort I put into writing and the release I get from it. Especially in vignette form. I feel like I've purged something from my brain when I've captured a specific moment in time. For example, this vignette I wrote last year was incredibly cathartic for me at the time:
You'll catch them sprinkled here and there throughout my blog. I know the prompt is besides writing, but I think I have an artistic way of cleansing my emotions around memories. It's therapeutic to me. And yeah, I can play a couple instruments (although I don't really anymore), but it doesn't purify me the same way. I can serenade my shower head or whatever. What I'm saying is that I have the ability and talent to be artistic in other media, but I don't want to, if that makes sense. It just doesn't do "it" for me the way writing does. When I write something like a vignette, I'm attempting to release myself of the binds that a memory or emotions surrounding a memory have on me. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again, but I have no intentions of the publishing my writing. I enjoy having a community of writers to share my writing with, but ultimately, I write selfishly for me and only me. Prompt: We're on the second week of January now. How has 2019 started out for you? Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Well, okay, let's see... We aren't even a full two weeks into January at this point. TWELVE hours ago I was considering checking myself back into the hospital. Like, I didn't sleep last night at all and went to therapy this morning to talk it over with my therapist. He said I shouldn't make decisions too quickly when I'm sleep deprived, but we set up an emergency rescue plan in case it's needed, especially over the weekends when doctor's offices are closed. I keep waffling back and forth between "Oh, I'm totally okay!" and "Holy fuck, I'm in danger." It's legitimately scary as fuck. Like, right now, I've mellowed out some and I'm like feeling okay, but I don't know how long it's going to last. I have no idea if the next hour will look anything like this hour. I also came clean to my psych about quitting the meds after I left the hospital. He was, uhhh, not a happy camper. Especially because I had some pretty bad side effects getting balanced on them and will need to do that again if I choose to go back on them. I feel a little bit better having that out in the open though since I've been lying about taking them. Even though people are pretty pissed at me for quitting them. At least I can try to sort things out now with my support team if I choose to do that... I mean, it's kind of awkward to be like, "Hey, I need help readjusting to these meds that you think I'm already adjusted to." I'm also working with my school right now to get everything sorted for any potential issues this semester. I have to individually go talk to all of my professors about what to do in such and such situation. It's daunting. I'll work on that this week though. In case you can't tell, so far 2019 has been all over the place and I don't really expect that to let up any time soon. I'm trying though. ♡ I am my own parasite I don't need a host to live |
Artist: Joy Division Song: Shadowplay [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt: Tell us the story of your name. How and why was it chosen? You can choose to talk about your real name, your WDC username, or even your handle if you like! Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Rough day, like... oof. It makes me nauseous that I have to go to sleep tonight and still wake up Charlie. It's a family name, I guess. A few different family members have Charles as either their first or middle name. I've said it before, but I don't even have a middle name. So, yeah. I go by Charlie or Char. When I hear my full name, I feel like I'm in trouble. No one says it unless they're pissed off and then it's "Jesus god, Charles." I'm sitting in the doctor's waiting room, like, yo you ain't gotta yell at me when they call my full name. I try to keep my handle here with Charlie/Char in it so people will know who I am right when they see me anywhere. I get super confused when people's handles change to something majorly different, but my username here is still Charlie, so it's not too big of a deal probably. When someone's username here isn't anything related to their name I'll occasionally be like, "uh, who is this?" when they dramatically change their handle. But, yeah, basically when I hear my full first name someone's pissed off like 90% of the time. Prompt: What are some important things you'd like to say about your specific mental health issues? It can be information, advice for others who struggle, advice on how to be supportive, or anything else you can think of. Via ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** First off, and not even specific to my diagnoses, I think people should know that everyone's experience with a mental illness is different. Like, if you meet someone with X disorder, they're going to experience it differently and react differently than the next person. This is especially important if you have bad connotations attached to a certain disorder because it can make you pretty closed-minded when you meet people with the same disorder in the future. And I get this one all the time because I have Borderline Personality Disorder which is one of the the most stigmatized mental health disorders , even among mental healthcare providers. I've heard things in group therapy several times like, "Ah, man, my ex had BPD and she was absolutely PSYCHOTIC." It pisses me off, but I try to stay chill because, well, I don't want to prove them right.I told someone this week, "Maybe your ex was just an asshole. Maybe you're just an asshole." So, therapy is going well... As far as BPD specifically, one thing I've noticed is that people are, like, really bad at not escalating an episode. I'm not trying to blame it on other people. But if I'm losing my shit and you know I'm being irrational because I have a mental health disorder... why the fuck escalate the situation further? So many people do it. Instead of trying to stay calm and just let me ride out whatever fit of rage I'm in, they'll start screaming at me to calm down, which is hilarious in hindsight. Me: *become enraged over something minor* Other people: OH MY GOD CALM DOWN WhY ARe yOU BEiNg SO IrRAtIOnaL Not helpful. If you sincerely want to defuse a BPD meltdown, try listening to what the person is saying. Not necessarily the exact words, but listen to what's in between. Listen to the feelings they're attempting to express, no matter how poorly. Usually there are a lot of emotions going on at once and if you can break those down, like, "You're feeling angry because of such and such reason" it helps me make sense of what's going on in my head and I'll start to cool out a little bit. If at all possible, try to express what they're feeling in the moment because 1) it makes it seem like you're taking their meltdown seriously, and 2) it makes it seem like you care. Also, you shouldn't hit someone who's having an episode like that. I have no idea why people waste the energy. I have so much adrenaline happening in that moment that I don't even feel it. I did everything, everything I wanted to I let them use you for their own ends |
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Just why. It's so gross. We need to get you some personal finance help! This is only tangentially related and not a statement on you, but one of the nonprofits I work with consists of me making budget plans for people who were recently homeless and have just gotten back on their feet. A lot of the people I work with have only been at their job for less than a month or been in an apartment for a week or two. My role is to gather all of their financial information and then consult with them on their bills, disposable income, purchases, and stuff like that. It's shocking to see the financial decisions people make after just being homeless. I'm like, dude, you were just homeless 2 weeks ago. 
I have seen so much of the disasters it has caused with some people. I have in the past been unconsciously roped into financial situations that were most unpleasant and having to make sensible plans to unravel them.