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Rated: E · Book · Emotional · #2093535
One man's journey to find the way home
          I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from.
          After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit.
          I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY?
          Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation....
WELCOME!!
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January 31, 2019 at 3:55am
January 31, 2019 at 3:55am
#950814
The gauntlet is on the horizon. I can work lots of hours, as if I want to. I pray it is Gods will. I am tired just thinking if it. I keep looking at the word legacy. I hope I am alive to celebrate it. I can not honestly say I am having fun fun. I can only say God be with me!!!
January 28, 2019 at 12:02am
January 28, 2019 at 12:02am
#950609
The day is over. I am ready for more. My feet feel lousy. Why I do not know. Must be something I should not have eaten
January 26, 2019 at 7:55pm
January 26, 2019 at 7:55pm
#950525
Well today will be over and I will go from having too little money to wondering if I will get the hell taxed out of me. I will survive and it will not be pretty and hopefully know what to do going forward. How much can I work and enjoy, or just stay well.
January 25, 2019 at 4:23am
January 25, 2019 at 4:23am
#950411
The ache is like an arch leading to a place to see r. I learned about survivor guilt, controlling what I can. I also learned of diminishing returns on great expectations. Can birth happen? I need to wait and see. Right now I ache for friendship, hope and the possibility of knowing before I die what it means to love and be loved.
January 23, 2019 at 3:03am
January 23, 2019 at 3:03am
#950264
More overtime and challenges than I know what to do with. I pray I can sleep so I can prepare myself. It is hard after two straight overnights to sleep.
January 22, 2019 at 2:42am
January 22, 2019 at 2:42am
#950189
Seven hours to finish. It can certainly seem like an eternity. I could say I have been here for ten. The cooking of dinner in a crock pot could shorten the time. I am still feeling ok. I think it helps to know that I have the day off. I can only hope to get the seven hours in the way of the day off. God help me see far enough to accomplish your purpose.
January 22, 2019 at 2:41am
January 22, 2019 at 2:41am
#950188
Seven hours to finish. It can certainly seem like an eternity. I could say I have been here for ten. The cooking of dinner in a crock pot could shorten the time. I am still feeling ok. I think it helps to know that I have the day off. I can only hope to get the seven hours in the way of the day off. God help me see far enough to accomplish your purpose.
January 20, 2019 at 9:44am
January 20, 2019 at 9:44am
#950056
Snow
I can feel it as a blanket in the cold and it covers everything in its path. I can not decide if I want to enter the blanket or stay in warmth as if that will shield me from the cold. In time I must work and worship and that means I need to be with those who need warmth mire than I do.
January 19, 2019 at 8:27am
January 19, 2019 at 8:27am
#949981
Sleepy, wondering what I am supposed to do. I work and know my body protests. Why do I work so much? I pray in this year I will know my limits in such a way I enjoy my days rather than just endure them as self righteous drudgery. I cough, I ache, I feel the numbness. How much longer can it last? Is it eternal as a sentence to be endured for a crime committed or is it like labor leading to birth. I am sleepy not knowing which. I hope my sense of malady does not lead others into a sleepy conundrum. Do I sleep or write to others about what it means to long for sleep and never get enough.
January 18, 2019 at 10:33pm
January 18, 2019 at 10:33pm
#949957
Wake me up when it's over. My body is under attack and always has been. The aches and pains. There is the desire to hide from the onslaught of bodily tremors. I do not like pain or the prospect of it getting worse. So life is like a dream, wake me up when it is over.

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