%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
A blog about living life in a depressed state everyday... |
|
Welcome to my life. I am a pretty ordinary person. I have a home which I am currently sharing with my daughter and her small family IE kid and boyfriend. I work the night shift at a tape factory which means when I am not at work my favorite hobby is sleeping. I am single and hardly date which means not at all. I have a cat, Harley Quinn and a dog, Moose. Though I am single I have been in a lifelong relationship with depression. There have been times when I have willed myself out of bed, and others when I could not even do that. Several years ago I lost my mother and both sisters to different forms of cancer all within a year of each other, one of them dying on Christmas Eve. This did nothing to help my depression and actually was a catalyst in picking up an old addiction that I had laid to rest for nearly two years. The beloved fight with the bottle. Not drinking near as much as I used to but drinking more than I need to. I am the head of my family because all the adults are dead. This means that the kids are running the candy store seeing that those of us who are still here have never really grown up enough to be responsible to head anything. However I am the oldest living relative so that makes me the head. Where as my Mom and sisters would handle things I just try to keep everybody calm and out of jail. For the most part we all do our own thing but we still rely on each other emotionally, that makes us close. I have never been married because I believe men cannot handle my mood swings, well the ones I have known anyway. Yes, I have had my share of relationships, one dysfunctional relationship right after the other. The last one lasted a little over 6 years. It was inevitable it would end for he was just as crazy as me. As I mentioned before I have a child, a daughter who I believe is just as depressed as I am. I say that because she acts exactly like me. She can also be quite the moody little dickens. She and her boyfriend live here with me along with her little girl. Her boyfriend is a good guy. He has a twin brother and both of them have aspirations of being actors. You can scoff and laugh but for living in a little Podunk town like this they have managed to get acting gigs. Yes they are extras but they are getting bigger parts all the time. Cannot go in to any details about their last endeavor, but the casting director asked them to come and film a few days. I know it's not a big part but it is a speaking part and it is something. Like I said, very impressive considering where we live which is right in the middle of anywhere America. I have four nieces and two nephews who will make appearances from time to time in this blog. Unlike most cousins and aunties we all grew up together, because my parents had me late in life when my two sisters were half grown, I am a year and a half older than my oldest niece. This was something I used to hold over her head with great pride when we were younger. I find myself nowadays not mentioning it so much seeing as how I keep getting closer and closer to fifty. My oldest niece and middle niece live here where I do. My other two nieces live in Florida. They are my oldest sister, Janey's kids. I also have two n'er do well nephews who live in Tennessee. They are the sons of middle sister Dana. I don't see them as much as I like but they both live lives of such turmoil, chaos, and drama I find the less I know about what is going on the better. Each of my nieces and nephews have children. They range in ages from 29-7. Some of their children have children making me and 3 of my nieces grandmothers. So why do I feel the need to make this blog. I don't know except that writing has always been cathartic for me. It is a way to let off steam and express myself. A means by which I calm down. My biggest problem with writing is trying to figure out how to wrap something up so I can move on to the next idea. So here it is. My blog, Depressed. |
| Well last night we survived severe thunderstorms and tornado watches and today it is cold and rainy. This is the screwiest weather. Yesterday afternoon it was sunny and beautiful and warm. My daughter, granddaughter, and I went into the next town to get my granddaughter an Easter dress and shoes, and to get lunch. It was warm enough for shorts and no jackets and when we got home it was so hot in the house I had to turn the air on. Then last night we got hit with some nasty rainy weather and the temperature dropped. It went from one extreme to the next in less than 24 hours. Everything was alright, except for the tornado sirens going off in town. That was a little alarming. And then people started leaving the trailer park, which made me wonder where all the shelters were around here. I tried to google them but all that came up were people who made storm porches and shelters. Not exactly what I was looking for. Anyway within an hour the worst parts of the storm had passed on through leaving a trail of debris and a little damage here and there. We were fortunate in that all we had was a little wind and rain. It just boggles my mind how fast the weather changes and yet I can see a correlation between the changing of the weather and the changing of my moods. Both of them seem to be executed without rhyme or reason. Both of them go from one extreme to the next without hardly any warning . At least the weather has NOAA and Doppler Radar to give us a heads up. My moods seem to change in the blink of an eye sometimes and not even I have any warning. Yesterday I felt well and alive and in joy, today just blah. Not really depressed not really happy just in the grays. I am so tired of sitting around doing nothing, yet when faced with the challenge of getting out of the house, I am at a loss as to where to go and what to do. I can't wait till next month when I have some vacation time coming. What I want to do is get away for a bit. Hopefully I can, but then again even if I have the means it doesn't mean I will. It all has to do with where my mood is. What extreme will I be in? Guess I will just wait and see... |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
The so called hormones were like a wasps nest inside me. 
