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Wednesday, May. 15, 2024

6:00pm EDT

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

February 8, 2023 at 7:26pm

#1044469

The 6 month update

I’ve cleaned up my portfolio for the first time in years. Or more accurately I just moved all my old shit into an old shit folder and created a couple folders for any new writing. They're totally empty. Hopefully I’ll be able to actually put the folders to use at some point. Other than journaling, I haven’t written anything new in quite literally years so…

Anyway, in my last entry I promised a more personal life update so here we are.

If you read my few entries last year you know I was having a lot of issues with cognitive functioning, dissociation, etc. last summer before I went on hiatus for a while. I’m still having a fair amount of that, but I’ve found some things that have helped so I’m not longer wondering if I’m making sense or not. I don’t need to reread my writing several times before sending it off with fingers crossed that my message is coming across coherently.

So that’s a big improvement over last year. For a closer look at some of things I’ve identified/things that have helped me:

Migraines.
A big part of this was me understanding/accepting that having migraines is a major trigger for slowing down cognitively. So when I’m in a bad episode of migraines, you know, having them every day or nearly ever day for weeks, I’m just not going to feel like I’m functioning at 100%. Words aren’t going to come to me as easily or naturally. I might need to read something a couple times to wrap my head around it.
While I always knew this to be the case, it has taken some time for me to stop getting frustrated and anxious in those moments because my brain wants to tell itself that there must be something <I>more</I> going on. After meeting with many doctors and getting testing done, I understand that these things are a normal part of having chronic migraines and I need to just mitigate the effects the best I can and also to give myself a little bit of slack when needed.

The news cycle.
I’ve stopped intaking news outside of international news. I don’t hang around on social media sites where people are discussing inaccurate or half truth headlines without bothering to read the accompanying article. The only news I read now comes from the Associated Press, Reuters, or BBC. I specifically only have notifications on for world news events, so if something major happens in the U.S. I will see it; but I won’t be inundated with endless U.S. political infighting stories that are completely irrelevant.
I think this has done wonders for helping my brain not get bogged down in the mindless minutia of daily life in the U.S. right now. I really don’t care who said what about who and I have a better understanding of world politics and economies now which will serve me better in the long run.

Socializing.
Like most people I think, during covid I got a lot more isolated. I’ve been working from home since March of 2020. Bars and restaurants were closed here for a good while at a time where my social group had just recently graduated college so naturally my friend groups grew apart during that time. One thing that has helped me keep grounded or “reconnect” myself in the past few months is going on day trips.
Nowhere super far, but if I have a day off we’ll go somewhere and just hang out for a while, grab lunch and walk around or whatever. I think it’s good after being inside at a desk all week to get away from electronics and just change your environment for a while. It has helped me out of some of dissociative episodes anyway.

Other than that, I got a work promotion at the start of the year to a senior level position so that was cool. The raise at least helps me keep above inflation which isn’t the easiest thing to do right now as we’re all aware I’m sure. I’ve settled well into the role and I’m comfortable for the most part at my job at the moment. I don’t work super long hours and I never work weekends unlike my previous job.

We’re getting over being sick. We got some kind of virus a few weeks ago that really took us out. I’m mostly down to just a bit of congestion and a shitload of coughing now so big improvement on that front. I actually went to the doctor last week and they were like, yeah, there’s nothing we can do for a virus so it doesn’t even really matter which one it is. They still did a rapid test for flu, strep, and covid. All of those were negative, but I’d been sick for a decent amount of time before even testing so who knows. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I actually had a fever dream while sick where I actually wrote a poem. Of course I was too ill to write it down at the time and I ended up forgetting it, but the point is that if my sick subconscious can come up with a poem there’s something left inside of me that can still write. I just have to tap into it.

Anyway, what’s everyone been up to? Any fun activities or anything I should check out on the site?

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