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 |   A journey of self-improvement - or not. |
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Sup? I'm Char. You may know me from timeless classics such as
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I blog for things like
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya They say jump and ya say "how high?" Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head |
Artist: Counting Crows Song: Colorblind [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** #SaferAtHome "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  Prompt: April 1 is supposed to be April Fool's Day. Since we're all #SaferAtHome, it's a bit harder to prank people. What are some things you can do remotely to somebody for a good laugh?Hopefully someone can come up with something funny today. I just, yeah... no words. My mental health isn't holding up well. I've had a series of what I'd call mini episodes in the past week, which probably explains why my mental health group here is now closed.  I've been trying super hard to stay positive, despite everything that's going on. As soon as I recognized that I was having issues I tried to contact my doctor's office, but they're pretty much closed at this point and haven't actually gotten back in touch with me.There's a lot going on. I know general care like that isn't a priority right now. What I'm experiencing isn't unique in any way. Everyone is going through a lot right now... a lot of anxiety and stress. I haven't been able to get any work done the past couple days because my OCD has been so bad. I go in and out of nightmares all night. If I'm not fighting intrusive thoughts, I'm doing compulsions to ease them. It's time-consuming and relentlessly exhausting. I don't see an end in sight for this. Even after things start to go back to 'normal' they're not going to be normal. I can't imagine ever eating at a restaurant or going to a crowded place again. Those things were difficult for me before this. Now that there's a literal global pandemic... yeah, I dunno. Anyway, have I made you laugh yet?  Sorry, it's hard to think of funny things. I mean, there's no shortage of memes and parody songs floating around. But I'm honestly burnt out on it. I can't even really go on the internet anymore. I haven't watched the news in days. I try not to read or see anything because I can feel my mind slipping away. I had to tell my family to stop messaging me with updates. I don't need to know the death toll every day. And, in all fairness, I never liked April Fool's Day, even pre-pandemic. I always think of it as that holiday where you can't trust what's going on.  I spent the past several years in school where we'd get repeated April Fool's Pranks about pop quizzes, huge assignments, or whatever else the professor could pull out. "Oh, you guys didn't know there was an exam today?"Even worse when you have no idea what the date is so it's totally unexpected. Thanks for the prompt though! Now I'll know to look out for this with my coworkers. If anyone says anything remotely shocking, I'll accuse them of pranking me. Speaking of, I actually thought today was Thursday somehow. My coworker said we'll spend the next two days working on something and I was like, ugh, that sucks that we have to work Saturday.  He said I'm going to come out of my apartment someday like a caveman blocking the sun with my hand.But mostly I've just been distracting myself as much as humanly possible. I've never watched so many movies or played so many video games before. I have movies on all day when I'm working. Then I go straight from that to playing a video game or reading a book or watching more movies. I try not to give myself a single minute of freedom or time to think. Kira came out into the living room yesterday and she was like, "Um... are you watching a movie, listening to music, working, and playing Animal Crossing right now?" Yes, yes I am.  I know, I still haven't answered the prompt. My thoughts? It might not be the best time to trick people right now. I mean, I can't think of anything you could call and say to someone and then be like "HA, just kidding" that would be appropriate right now. That being said, if you're using Microsoft Teams right now while working remotely like a lot of us are, you can use filters and turn yourself into a potato during your April Fool's meeting. I am colorblind Coffee black and egg white Pull me out from inside |
Artist: The Germs Song: Media Blitz [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: COVID-19. It’s affecting all of us in one way or another. Never in our lifetimes have we seen something of this magnitude and severity. So today, check in with yourself and your fellow competitors - how are you? Where is your head at? What’s worrying you? Let’s gather our WDC community around us and hunker down together. Okay, let's talk about it. In terms of myself (because who is more important?  ), I'm doing what I can to protect the community. I'm not going out unless I need to. I'm not congregating in large groups and I've pretty much socially distanced myself from everyone I don't live with. I've been working from home since last week. I'm only going to the grocery store once a week, and I'm not hoarding anything, I'm just doing a normal weekly grocery shopping. I'm washing my hands frequently, which is something I always do.Mentally, I don't think the quarantine is great for me personally. But I have a responsibility to not run around living a la-di-da life while potentially directly spreading a virus that is actively killing people or putting them in the hospital. It's a small sacrifice. That being said, I'm thinking about reopening some stuff with "Invalid Item" at some point here because I'm probably not the only person struggling.Here's the thing I've realized. There are two types of people you encounter during a global pandemic and I quite frankly can't stand either one of them right now. Person 1: "Yo, it's no big deal." I don't know how many times I've heard or seen (even here on WDC) people saying things like, "This isn't a big deal. This is just a normal flu." Yo, it's like a normal seasonal flu so we don't gotta worry about it. You know, the flu kills X amount of people in a normal year but no one's talking about that! You're just wrong. I don't know any other way to put that. You need to educate yourself before you speak because speaking on an issue like this without educating yourself is dangerous. My great aunt for example told my 78 year old grandfather that there's no reason he shouldn't go to the casino where they live because this is just a standard flu and it's not a big deal at all. It is dangerous, especially to those who are elderly and have underlying conditions. He has severe heart conditions and is 78... Why in the world someone would tell him that it's not a big deal for him to go be around hundreds and hundreds of people is beyond me. In addition, a lot of younger people have told me, "Hey, it's not bad for us. The mortality rate is pretty much like 0% so I'm not gonna change my lifestyle for that." Cool, so you're going to go spread it around, kill people, and further cripple our economy? Congrats, you're a bad person. Person 2: "Life is over and we're in hell." And then there is the other side of the coin... People consuming so much coronavirus media that they’re genuinely losing their minds. My own mother is sending me like 50-75 texts a day about the virus. We never talk that much. I know someone who has like 90 rolls of toilet paper. Please tell me why you would ever need to hoard that much TP?? On the other hand, a fellow shopper started harassing my mother for buying 4 gallons of milk at the store. First of all, mind your own fucking business. Second of all, she’s also shopping for her elderly father. The absolute panic over groceries is insane and unnecessary. The media fearmongering and lack of reporting on all of the recovered and mild cases is to be expected, but that doesn’t mean that individuals should spend every day panicking to every person who will listen. There’s such a spread of misinformation with the goal of whipping people up into a frenzy. The point is, we need to take care of each other and that means we need to pay attention and take the pandemic seriously without having a total meltdown about it. Use common sense. Don’t spread misinformation. Don’t tell people to not worry about it because it’s nO BiG dEaL and also don’t act like it’s the literal end of earth. Neither are helpful for anyone. I think we all need to step back a bit. Stay informed. Do the socially responsible thing to reduce the spread. But you don’t need to consume information about it 24/7. Go read a book, write, watch a movie, learn a language, pick up a new hobby. But don’t completely ignore it because then we’re all going to end up under government-mandated lockdown for a long time and I’m gonna lose my mind. Thanks. Take an injection from the mad machine |
Artist: Rage against the Machine Song: Bullet in the Head [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: Does your communication style tend to be straightforward or subtle? Are you more likely to speak your mind or beat around the bush? Have you ever gotten into trouble because of your communication style? Sup ya'll? How's your quarantine going?  I'm working from home at this point and I gotta say, it's super difficult to not go anywhere or do anything. I mean, under normal circumstances, working from home would be great because then I'd have energy to go out after work. But this whole social distancing thing is rough on me. Maybe I'm more extroverted than I thought. I’m trying to stay positive, but the cabin fever is getting to me a little bit. I know I can still go outside even though everything is closed, but my breathing/asthma hasn’t been awesome lately. Plus it’s still kinda cold. So, I guess I should answer the prompt, huh? My communication style is... it depends.I think I tend to be more straightforward than a lot of people because being subtle rarely gets you anywhere. I’m used to advocating for myself to get what I want/need, but you can’t do that without being up front about your wants and needs. People aren’t mind readers. That isn’t to say that subtlety doesn’t have its place though. Some situations are delicate and you need to navigate them carefully. If you come in hot, it’s unlikely to end well. For example, if you need to kid glove a situation because that’s what the other person requires at the time. With everything going on right now, I’ve had to do this some at work. When someone is stressed or anxious or scared, you can’t also be stressed, anxious, and scared. You have to provide a stable ground for the other person to latch onto. You have to find subtle, sensitive ways to say the things that need to be said. Most of the time though, I’m the first one to speak my mind because I’m often having a meltdown and that doesn’t leave much to the imagination. It’s just a word vomit of everything you need to say and then it’s like there, take that and do something with it. Being the first one to speak my mind has gotten me in trouble countless times. There’s a general scenario that has happened to me repeatedly in life. I’ll give a general overview and then a specific example. So, it generally plays out like this: Situation happens. Me: I’ve assessed above situation and I disagree with the way it’s being handled. I’d like to see a different outcome. Here is an analysis I’ve done of the situation along with potential solutions that I find agreeable. How do you feel about it? Other person: I have assessed your analysis and I find Option B of your potential solutions to be agreeable. This issue has now been resolved. Me: I accept this resolution. Thanks for playing another round of Charlie Feels Uncomfortable. Other people, immediately and simultaneously: WHAT THE FUCK. How is this fair at all???? I would also like to have Option B!?!???? And if that’s too abstract for you, here’s a relevant and timely example. I was the first person in my office to request to work from home due to the virus that’s going around. I assessed the situation, went to the powers that be, and said: “Hey, so, I have poorly managed asthma and this rapidly spreading respiratory virus would likely be exasperated by this preexisting condition. I’m already set up to work remotely using my work laptop. Is it okay with you if I do that?” The powers that be said, “That might be a bit of an overreaction, but I also see your perspective and there’s no reason you can’t get your work done from home. So.. sure, why not? Go for it.” As soon as my coworkers got wind of this, they were complaining. “Why does he get to work at home?? I want to work at home too!” I’ve gotten messages on our company messenger from people asking how “work” is going (in quotations) because they think I’m not actually working. They’re clearly pissed off that I’m working remotely. Step back and imagine that. Imagine being pissed off at a coworker with a preexisting medical condition for asking to work remotely during a global pandemic. And yes, maybe it’s a bad example because everyone who can be working remotely at this point should be... but the moral of the story still stands. You cannot sit around twiddling your thumbs until someone else takes decisive action and then be like WHAT THE FUCK LIFE IS SO UNFAIR?????? No, it’s not. I took a calculated risk. The company could have easily said, “You know what? You’re new here. You aren’t even fully trained yet. Pack your shit and go be unemployed remotely.” The fact that you wait to see it go well for someone else before you bottleneck the system demanding the same thing is just not a good look. It’s weak. This exact communication style situation has gotten me in trouble so much. One of my coworkers said to me, “What the hell?? You got a whiteboard for your office? I’ve been here 3 years and I don’t have one. You’ve been here 3 weeks and you do? How does that work?” Here’s how it works. I woke up in my big boy bed, ate my big boy breakfast, put on my big boy clothes, drove my big boy car to work. And then I used my big boy voice to say, “Oh sweet, a whiteboard! Where can I get one of these bad boys?” And the person I was talking to said, “Oh you like that? I can hook you up with one for your office.” Then I said thanks. That’s the entire story of how I got a whiteboard for my office after a couple weeks on the job. My coworker has legit been sitting there for 3 years thinking someone is gonna pass his office and go, Damn, that dude’s looking lonely as fuck without a whiteboard... I should hook him up. It’s just absurd. This shit isn’t rocket science. This situation will never NOT remind me of my brothers growing up (and even now). They’d say shit like, “It’s so unfair that Charlie doesn’t have a curfew. I had to be home by 10 at his age but he’s coming in at 1 or 2 in the morning.” Just completely skipping over the part where I was getting punished for doing exactly that. I still remember this ridiculous moment where my oldest brother was in the kitchen having a meltdown before breakfast saying that I have always gotten preferential treatment and it’s not FAIR that he had to miss out on hanging out with his friends because he had a curfew at my age and I don’t. Like ‘you ruined my childhood by imposing a curfew’ level breakdown. My dad and I looked at each other and he was like, “Did I not just beat your ass for missing your curfew last night?” And I was like, “Yup...” Ah, father-son bonding time.  Point being— you have to do what feels right for you. Sometimes it’s going to end poorly for you, sometimes it won’t. But for the love of all that is holy, don’t victimize yourself by waiting until someone does what you have been wanting to do all along and then say life isn’t fair. Just victims of the in-house drive-by They say jump, you say how high |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: How many languages do you speak? If you could instantly learn any language and be able to speak it fluently, what language would you pick? How would you use it and where would you go? Aw, I had to answer this one because I just love linguistics. I love etymology and pretty much everything about words. Maybe that’s why I like writing?  The only language other than English that I have any fluency in is Spanish. I took a couple years of Spanish as my foreign language when I was a kid, and then I took a year of university-level Spanish and got up to the intermediate level. My two best friends from university, and the only ones I’ve kept in touch with since graduation, are from Honduras and Colombia. Their first language is Spanish, of course. Our group text consists almost entirely of Spanglish. 50/50 between English and Spanish. And I don’t mean an English sentence and then a Spanish sentence but rather both in one sentence. I write in Spanish and use the English word when I can’t think of the Spanish word. I’m pretty sure they’re doing the exact opposite- writing in English but using the Spanish word when it comes to mind easier. We get into funny situations all the time when they can’t think of the English word for something or I can’t think of the Spanish word. Most recently, we were hanging out at one of their houses and they were trying to tell me something that happened. They kept saying el parabrisas. “¿Cómo se dice el parabrisas en inglés?” And I’m like I have no idea how to say that word in English, what is it?? So then they start describing it to me. On your car. The rims? No, in the front! The hood? No, right in front of you! Ohh, the steering wheel? Omg no, the thing you look from right in front of you!! Ooooh, I know, the rearview. Jesus christ, no, the thing that’s right in front of you when you’re driving. Ummm, the dashboard, the console..? The thing you look at with your eyes, right in front of you, omg what is the word?!?! Windshield. The fucking windshield. It’s infrequent words that will endlessly throw you off. Right now though, my reading comprehension is most fluent. I can read an article in Spanish and know what happened. I can read a Spanish novel as long as I have a translator available for the infrequent words. My Spanish writing is second most advanced followed by listening and speaking in very last place. I can watch a Spanish movie without subtitles and get the gist of it, but I’ll miss some things. If I could be instantaneously fluent in any language I’d pick Spanish first because it is such a widely used language, but there are many languages I’d like to learn. I like French and Italian a lot. I’ve heard it’s easier to learn your third language than it is to learn your second. If I ever fully conquer Spanish then I’ll start picking up one of the other two. As far as how I’d use Spanish, I would use it in daily life with the Spanish speakers I know. I’d also try to use it for career advancement because a lot of international companies want bilingual employees. I’d love to travel to Spain too. I know someone from there and he has sent a lot of beautiful pictures. But there is beauty everywhere. My friend has shown me really nice photos of Colombia too. For now though, you can catch me speaking Spanglish. |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: What does wisdom mean to you? Give an example.For an easy formula, I think: wisdom = knowledge + experience + ability to apply said knowledge & experience People get the knowledge and experience part, but the most important part is being able to see a new situation and apply what you know from all of your previous experiences. It's the difference between being able to update someone else's spreadsheet and being able to build your own spreadsheet from scratch. Application is the most important part. You can know and experience a lot of things, but if you fail to apply those things then you're lacking wisdom. I don't see myself as being too wise, for example, because I frequently make the same mistakes despite better judgment given the things I know and the things I've experienced. I always hold on to the hope that a situation will turn out differently than last time, even though I should really know the result and be able to apply that. For example, I have the bad habit of perpetually holding out hope that someone is going to change, even when they've given me repeated evidence that they have no intentions to do anything different. Whether it's low emotional intelligence or something else, it definitely results in me lacking wisdom. On the other hand, I think my old professor was pretty wise. She was very consistent in her application of, "We tried that before, it didn't work, let's try something new." It's difficult for me to do because I get lost in being analytical, especially when something should work given how it looks on paper. I get caught up in looking at things too mathematically ("This relationship/situation should work because you want X and I want Y and those things complement each other"), when in reality things aren't linear and often don't follow patterns that make logical sense. One thing that I think helps someone get in the general ballpark of 'wise' is self-awareness though. If you can even be self-aware enough to realize that you're lacking wisdom in something, you're probably ahead of the curve. So many people repeat the same actions and are utterly confused by getting the same outcome. I'm not confused at this point. I'm just like why do I hate myself, why did I do that again? |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: What product would you stockpile if you found out it would never be sold again? (If the product you choose is perishable, imagine, for the purposes of this question, that the product would remain useable/edible forever.) Mentally feeling like dogshit at the moment. I know some weeks are better than others. This week is others. Anyway, is this a coronavirus-related question? Let me just say that having this new virus spreading around is terrible for everyone, and I highly don't recommend it for people with OCD. I'm washing and sanitizing my hands so much they're about to fall off. I do this regardless of the diseases floating around, but it has been especially bad the past couple months for me in terms of trying to keep my compulsions under control.The only thing that's kind of funny is that every place is selling out of hand sanitizer and cleaning wipes and stuff, but I have a small stockpile because I just go through so much on a regular basis. Working in an office is pretty gross because I've seen these people and their hygiene sucks. Like, putting your hands under the water for .5 seconds with no soap after using the bathroom? You're not even trying. Maybe it will make people slightly more sanitary in the long run, who knows. So, what would I stockpile? Here were my initial thoughts:  Water?Nah. You can find water in a lot of different places and there are hundreds of water filtering mechanisms at this point. Not to mention tap water and a filter. And food is kinda the same. Medication?I mean, if they’re not gonna sell them anymore, I need a huge stockpile of migraine and anxiety meds. Just saying. Clothes?If they’re not gonna sell anymore ever then it would probably be a good idea to get enough to last for the rest of your life. Now that I’m thinking about it, a lot of the stuff you could make yourself if you had to. Like toothpaste, deodorant, soap, shampoo, hand sanitizer, pillows, blankets. I mean, even houses/shelter you could technically build. There are few things that you couldn’t do for yourself with unlimited resources. It would just be laborious and a pain in the dick to do. So yeah, I think I’d pick medication, final answer. Because what’s in that is usually hard to find pure and if they’re not being sold (by anyone) making your own would be pretty difficult. I’d stockpile all the medication I need + any medications I could potentially need in the future. Also, this is the United States healthcare system in action.  |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: If you could be paid for doing anything you wanted full time, what would you do? When you were a child, what did you dream of doing when you grew up? Then, take some time to research “unconventional” jobs (ie. hot air balloonist, deep sea invertebrate researcher, professional table tennis master, etc) and share one that you think you would be good at or would be fun to try. Hello, hello. Maybe I can show up every other day for an entry. I know I've said it before, but I really wish the prompts were posted at like 8pm and could be written any time after 10pm or something. So anyway... It's too soon to tell, but I think my current career is right for me. I love analyzing data and working alone. I went the entire day today only talking to one person at work. That's ideal for me. Alternatively, I would like to do database administration and there's nothing really stopping me from doing that in the future. Good pay and most people don't know much about it so you can get away with working alone, often remotely. Of course we all want to get paid to write probably. I personally don't have the motivation or the patience to make a career out of it. It's not a stable enough source of income for me and doesn't pay well enough even when it does pay. If I could get paid a lot of money to do anything, I would probably want a nice home office with plenty of windows where I could write book reviews because I probably enjoy reading more than writing overall. As a kid, I wanted to be so many things- an astronomer, a journalist, a psychologist, etc. These dream jobs were just based on little hobbies I had or things I liked at the time. Space or whatever. Here are some things I never wanted to be: a doctor, a teacher, a cop, a fireman, president, soldier, pro sports player, lawyer, pilot... I remember these all being pretty common job goals for the other kids. I never had aspirations to do anything heroic or to do anything that would draw a lot of attention to myself. I looked up some weird job and apparently there are a lot of "testers" out there. Taste testers, bed testers, app testers, video game testers, penetration testers (hot), test testers... I could totally do some of these. The worst one I found is professional cuddler. That would be so awkward to cuddle with a stranger. 100% would rather sleep with a stranger than cuddle with them. That's just too intimate for my taste. I feel like that job would be so depressing. Because, having a little bit of experience in this general area of life, I know that people would get obsessed with you and all of a sudden they think you should be hanging out with them all the time for free because you’re such good friends now! But, I mean, if it pays well, I could be swayed... |
Artist: Bob Dylan Song: Shelter from the Storm [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: Yesterday was February 29th - Leap Day! The reason we have this monthly extension of our shortest month is to synchronise the Gregorian calendar with the solar year – without it we would lose six hours every year.  In your entry today, write about the phenomenon of leap years and any facts you want to share. Here’s mine: People born on Leap Day are called Leaplings. Do you know any Leaplings? How did you spend the bonus hours of 2020? Did you make the most of them?How convenient for the month to start on the weekend so I could blog the first day. That's what's up. Quickest form update: I've been working anywhere between 10 and 15 hours a day. Loving all the accounting & financial analysis, but I'm filled with existential panic any time I'm not working because I'm like what the fuck do I do? Like I can't even remember what I'm supposed to be doing when I'm not working. I've been told things will be slowing down at some point here, probably after April. I think I'll be able to get some more flexibility in terms of working at home more frequently after I'm fully trained. So, yeah, all good. Just insanely busy. I told myself I'd stop signing up to things on WDC because I know I don't have time to complete them, but I figure no one's gonna be devastated if when I don't finish 30DBC regardless, so, yeah. On Leap Year... I understand the concept of Leap Year, but I don't like it. The same way I don't like Daylight Savings Time, I have enough difficulty coming to terms with the concept of time. When we just change the time and say it's something else now, it makes the entire idea behind 'time' feel weird. I don't know any Leaplings necessarily, but the most recent addition to my family was supposed to be born on leap day this year. The mother went into labor a week early so that didn't happen. I used my "extra day" to do some side work and run errands. Pretty much what I do every Saturday, sadly. My only true day off from doing anything is Sunday, so I use those days to hang with Kira or visit family/friends. Work would be so much better if it was 4 days a week. I'd have a lot more time to do shit if I had Friday-Sunday off. I did see this cute Leapling post on Reddit of a 100 year old Leapling celebrating her 25th birthday. Leap Year Facts The serial killer, Richard Ramirez AKA the Night Stalker, was a Leapling. Julius Caesar created the first leap year. U.S. presidential elections almost always coincide with leap year.Try imagining a place Where it's always safe and warm "Come in," she said, "I'll give ya Shelter from the storm" |
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