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Blog and other works of literary sense |
Size: 883 Entries
Created: November 29th, 2019 at 12:06pm
Modified: March 6th, 2023 at 4:07pm
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Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot.
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| I'm not sure why I feel scared and sad despite my protestations that I'm no longer depressed. I think depression and anxiety are two separate things. I'm not over the anxiety problem apparently. I'm disappointed. I think I'll hang on for the ride. |
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| I'm seeing my psychiatrist today. It will be 88 degrees F today at its peak. I'm concerned about my dog who can't seem to breathe that well inside the car with only the car vents. So I wind down the window to make him feel more able to breathe. He goes where I go. He has separation anxiety. This is my only worry of the day. I thought about letting stay behind with his brother. But he'll be barking forever. And creating havoc in the house with the stuff we have in it. I don't know how long the visit with the doctor will last. I'll take my dog with me. That way someone will keep an eye on him at all times. |
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| I have been afflicted with mental illness. I've been depressed since 1986 when I went into a decline after being rejected by a romantic interest. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for as long. It's hard to have a mental illness. Everything is seen through a prism of sadness and hopelessness. I'm struggling through it all every day. Every single day. I have to rest a lot and recover from the onslaught of bad thoughts and sad thoughts. I'm still thinking of getting more medicine but my psychiatrist is cautious. I have to trust him. He's new. I was more stable when I was working. Now I'm retired. The last several years have been bad for my mental health. |
April 26, 2022 at 12:53am
April 26, 2022 at 12:53am
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| My Dad saw his doctor yesterday. He has anemia. The doctor ordered him to take Vitamin B12. My Dad was late getting home from the doctor's office. He had to go to the pharmacy and get his meds that the doctor ordered for him. I heated the leftovers for my dinner while waiting for him. When he got home he looked tired. The doctor ordered for him physical therapy treatments. The physical therapy office called and left a message for him to call them and get an appointment set up. I sat with my Dad through part of dinner which was biscuits (rolls) with a hamburger patty. I checked with his Medicare advantage provider if they took the physical therapy clinic in their network. It turns out they do. So he'll be going for physical therapy to treat his arthritic knee and back. I think it's a good idea. His doctor is thorough. |
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| Yesterday I met my new psychiatrist. He was an informal type of guy. At first he looked warily at me over his mask. A pair of round blue eyes stared at me. I was a bit afraid but we got on better and easily. I guess he wasn't expecting me to be educated. He probably meets many people of different stripes in his profession. I told him about my medications and how one of them wasn't performing as well as it should. He gave me another med to try and that made me happy. This morning I'm feeling much more hopeful. Somehow the empty feelings are receding from me. I don't know how long it will last but I'll take every morsel of it that I can. I can't help but think what more my life could have in it but if my psychiatrist is anyone to go by, it will have someone to take care of me mental health. You can't believe how difficult it is not to have a psychiatrist. I last saw my last psychiatrist in February and I've been in limbo eversince. Now I've gone through hoops to get to this point with a new psychiatrist. I'd say it was all worthwhile. |
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| Last night I went to bed feeling like dying. My Dad still has pain and it's painful to watch him suffer. Everyone is going through suffering, whether they show it or not. I am sad still but I awoke and gave him pain meds as a new push against the scourge of arthritis that's making him suffer. I am hoping today that he will awaken and feel more relieved. I always sit at my chair in the kitchen in the mornings waiting for his appearance and request for a hot compress with trepidation. I'm going to be strong for him and that will be how I'll counter this sad feelings. He's 93 and he's still strong were it not for this scourge of arthritis that's plaguing him. I ask for your prayers that he will find relief from this pain. |
March 28, 2022 at 12:49am
March 28, 2022 at 12:49am
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| I'm excited. It's after midnight and I was in bed thinking. I decided to practice my yoga again. I still have my yoga mat and my outfits are yoga friendly. I have to build my body back to its normal state. I had a silent heart attack sometime in the past. And I suspect that I have osteoporosis in the making. So I have to relax myself and practice yoga. I have my two dogs that can interfere with the poses. I'll have to tolerate them. And maybe they'll get used to it in a while. I looked up yoga for damaged hearts and they said it's good for heart patients. It lowers blood pressure and lowers the hormones that narrow arteries (cortisol). It is a weight-bearing exercise and it's a good thing to build up your bones. I think it's a good deal for anyone who doesn't want to huff and puff. |
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| I'm waiting for a reply from the sexton of a cemetery that my late Mother is buried in. When she died, I purchased three burial plots. Now, applying for Medicaid coverage requires that I reveal if I have a burial plot and if it is paid for and where it is. I have three days in which to get this information from the sexton of the cemetery. Wish me luck! |
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| Have you ever woken feeling afraid? Or that same feeling creep over your chest and make you wonder what you should be afraid of when all you're doing is sleeping or looking online at your computer? I get a lot. I can't manage it. I have to take a pill to control the feeling. I slog through it and hope it goes away. |
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| My doctor's nurse called and said that my labs seem low but that's because I'm probably dehydrated. She said to drink lots water everyday. |
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