I really like this as is but I share some thoughts:
Now go the hell away. Very good use of this line. I'd make it the title unless a specific event or place comes to mind. Like "Workshop, May 32nd, Highway-to-Hell, Nevada".
I'd find active verbs for each use of 'is' and replace each 'the'. Like "May's sky screams blue; Spring's sea blooms green". This provides a season and action, sound, something.
Could use a grammar check unless you like it as is. Grammar is less important in poetry; this isn't an essay. For a definite pause (like for rhythm) you can use an emdash instead of a comma like: "I kid you not — nature's obscene,"
To add "darkness" to it... this is that season...
Explorers with lost souls explore,
Search worlds they've never searched before,
They'll kid you not — forevermore,
Now go the hell away.
2:33 pm
The fiancé is in town with one puppy and I'm home with the other. I'm supposed to give this one a bath but I'll wait until my fiancé comes home. Why waste my alone time on work? Today I want to explore the outer reaches of my verbal expressions, that place where the pain of existence give way to the most beautiful poetry. I'm apprehensive because the struggle is like being a lungfish dragging itself upon the bud banks. It can't be easy switching from gills to a lung sack, supporting the extra weight that is not buoyant by water. Gravity can be a bitch if you're a lungfish. Creativity can be a bitch for an artist.
My dog is licking itself which wouldn't bother me so much if it didn't have to rub it in by grunting and moaning like a maniac. I'm sure it's a pleasurable experience but I mean, come on!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.29 seconds at 3:02pm on May 04, 2024 via server web2.