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A collection of thoughts and ideas |
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Welcome friend
You have found my collection of ideas and thoughts. Who knows there might even be an article or two hidden in here. |
| I keep trying to move forward. Yet all I ever seem to find is walls and pit falls. Most often when if comes directly to things that concern me. I'm lost all I ever wanted was to be just a little selfish and find someone who wanted to spend the future at my side. When ever I even get close things happen ripping up inside once more taking that simple dream and shred it to pieces. |
| So, many things have happened over this year. I should not feel like I do bit each time I turn around something else is getting in my way. The one I want to get to know better ended up getting sick just before this weekend so he was unable to come visit me. How did this all start? Well, to be honest this started years ago back when I worked at Sam's Club in Fairbanks. I was a demo partner. I enjoyed doing my job giving out samples to people and keeping them informed to what I had each day. Well, there was a guy that worked receiving and stocking in the early part of the day that caught my attention. I got to know him as a friend because he had a family and someone he was with when my husband passed away I drew away from most but he was one of that it did not really matter I could talk to him about anything. I did my best to always be respectful. As time went on he ended up leaving Sam's Club before I had my fourth child and we lost contact with each other. Its been nearly 14 years since we last talked. Then around the new year we ended up finding each other once more. Thanks to one of those online dating sites. During the spring we had made plans for him to come to the city I am in so we could spend time together. The virus got in our way as the state locked down and a new way of life was taught to the people. I did manage to get up the city he lives in over the summer. We spent a few hours together just talking and getting to know each other again. This past week we had made plans for him to come see me till he had a coworker show up at work with signs of the virus. It turned out to be an irritating gift. Since it looks like the one that showed up when they should not have saved my fiend a lot of stress from getting caught on the road when things started to happen. Needless to say, my plans got canceled once more. At lest this time it saved us from being in the position of both of us out of work for 2 weeks. I keep hoping that this is just a temporary delay. I really enjoy spending time with him. He has been one of the first I have been around in years that makes me feel safe enough to relax my guard. I feel better when around him. Things are brighter and well..... I can say I want to go do things with him. Simple things like going out and tinkering with the cars. Just going for a walk with not designated destination. To even shopping for things needed. Then again there is more I would like to enjoy with him like watching movies and waking up in his arms. I pray this comes true one day, for now I sit here waiting and watching. Doing as I always do and taking care of my son and work. |
| I don't know why I let myself dream anymore. Every time I do I hurt myself. It's not because my dreams are impossible but do to things out of my control. 2 times this year I made plans and dreamed of spending time with one I would to call mine. Now, each time this virus has blocked my path. I one time this summer only because I pushed aside virus fears and took a chance while sleeping in a car at night. I'm just feeling depressed. Knowing there is nothing I can do to fix this. What has happened I'm not at fault for. It's just that i dared to dream. |
| My weekends was a rough one. But I can say that in a way I won. Started with me just asking my son what he had to do in school work that lead to him being a grump butt and starting a fight that caused the power to get shut off 2 times to the xbox. That ended with him not being able to play for the res of the day. He also had to get his assignments done by Sunday night or I would take the power cables to all the consoles. Needless to say my son got all the assignments I knew about done and turned in. Only one got a point drop because of being late. The other 2 assignments both got positive comments from his teachers. So, I did not have to pull the cables nor did he get any more grumbles from his teachers about late assignments. I pray that he has learned his lesson about doing as I say about school work at lest. The funny thing is he could have had all of Sunday if he had listened and done his work Saturday. Then again if he had split it between the 2 days he could have had more time to play on both. |
| I wake up each morning reading that the one I have been dreaming about is jot laying next to me. Now, I dream that in a week come Saturday that dream will be turned around and I will get to spend a full day plus with my man. A dear friend I find myself wanting to build a future with. I know my so will be his standard good self while being a grump bug at the same time. He is not use to having to share mom after 5 years of us being alone. I have no clue on how to make it easier on him other than being honest and letting him know I do have an interest in this man coming to see me. I know to let him I'm know the man I'm interested in is not replacing his father but know he will feel other wise. |
| Well, I can tell its fall here. The rains have come and though light are nonstop. I hear many complain about it but they don't seem to understand that the here is how the land keep healthy during the long winter months. If we get enough rain before freeze in the spring the valleys before they thaw will not run dry. With all that said I have had the normal flurry of customers getting kids ready for school. I will say it seems strange, if only because this is all going on after school starts by about 2 weeks late. Many are finding the teachers are asking for the same things for the students to have as if they are in school simply do to those items being everyday use things. Sadly a lot of the desks, chairs and electronics are sold out with in 2 days of receiving so it is an ongoing battle to find things for the customers. With that said we do our best to have them walk out happy and with possible option that will fit their needs or if possible the next expected shipment date thought we do make a point to let them know thing are selling as fast as we get them in. With that in mind I make a point to say that there is always a chance for something to come in and that if it does its will be like an Easter egg because it might come in without me knowing about it. Its not uncommon for me to make myself look silly in effort to get a smile from a customer that seem to be having a bad day. On that note i normally call my pin-pad the young one; my cash register the old one. and that they think I'm the pickle in the middle to pick. A get giggles from adults even those having a bad day and kids burst out laughing thing that is so funny. My managers roll their eyes at hear that saying one more time but love seeing the reaction the customers have with it. Sincerely yours, Silverwindrose Dragon Minstrel Keep writing the words of your heart and one day your dreams will come true. |
| Well I'm a bit tired but all in all things are going well. In fact there is a chance I will get to spend labor day weekend with my man. As for the past several days things have been for the most part good. Take today I had my day planned out at work with what I needed to do. Sadly, it was taking longer than I had time for it to take. But they cannot get mad at me for that one simply because I do have customers to deal with that come first. And some how or way the shift manager forgot that I was doing things that have been needed to do for a while now so he kept stacking things on. Trying to say what I was doing was second to tend to. Now, with that said the funny thing was what i was trying to work on was a first priority simply because if it was done the rest would fall into place because there would be room for it. So. I kept plugging away at the main job so the rest could be done as well. Though the manager did stop in to growl only to find out that i had things in the right order to do in spite of his demands. I just tucked my head to hide the laughter in my eyes and kept going. |
| Its it's been a while since I wrote here. But I can say my week of emotions lead to the first week of school for my son. With that said. My son's first day of school ended up going great thanks to one of my bosses resetting my schedule so that I started later in the day. That ment I was able to ensure that my son knew how to get online with his teachers and that lead to me having a great day. The following day was stressful but I think it was my owning doing. Grant it I had a productive day at work with all that I did do. My bosses are still not sure what to do with me since there is not a lot I cannot do. That mostly means I dont work 2 departments. Yet only one I dont help out in. Simply because I dont have training in that department. But it comes down to I had a good week. |
| I have a feeling that my week off did more harm than good. I just dont have the drive for work that I did. I have broken down now twice since I got back. Grant it once was do to two managers complaining about the mess one was making while blaming me and not giving me the time to take care of it. Then again it could be that I am simply emotionally worn out. I have my son at home but home is empty not a place I want to go. In fact it's gotten to the point I just want to either walk or just curl up. Things I want and or dream about are just so far away. I know my son dose not understand for all we have been through I have tried to not let him feel like I am not there. I know at times I have failed but at lest I'm trying to do the right thing. |
| Well, all in all today was a good one. Test came back saying my house is clear of this nuisance virus. My boss was cheering because she knows how much this is bugging me and that all our customers kept seeking their cheery cashier that know more than she shows. The other store managers I know are cheering because it eases their load and means I can jump straight into training new hires if we have any. My son and I finally got out of the house after being locked in for 5 days waiting. Though i have to say he once he realised that it was us. He accepted that the game time was not just his but ours. Just in time for school to start. |
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Happy WDC Birthday and happy holidays SW. 