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Guided by prompts from WDC blogging challenges... and of course, life |
HI! I'm Jenn - and I'm all over the place (well, at least my mind is). In this blog, I have attempted to gather my thoughts on things prompted/inspired by WDC blogging challenges from "Journalistic Intentions"  , "The Soundtrack of Your Life" , "Blogging Circle of Friends " , "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" and, well, LIFE.    |
| My dogs are driving me crazy since they can't go outside. It's pouring rain so we're all sheltering in the house from the storm. One of my boys is staring longingly out the window. I'm sure he's wishing he could go out and chase some squirrels. All of those little critters are sheltering somewhere too. Nobody wants to be soaked by the cold rain. I think the rain and the day are suiting for my mood. Grey and depressing. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would like the sun to come out though. Things just seem to be dreary around of late and the sun would definitely help to brighten moods. Good thing with the rain though, is that the newly appearing plants and grass are getting plenty of water for their roots to help them grow. Maybe this year my plants and lawn will flourish instead of dying out and drying up like everything did last year. Surely there will be more beauty to follow the dreariness of these darkened rainy days! I have to remember to focus on the beautiful, the good things in life. Those are the things that keep us going, keep hope in our hearts. And I need all the help I can get to combat this Bipolar depression that I find myself in at the moment. Things will get better; life will become more beautiful and precious again. Once the rain ends, the beauty of Creation can once again unfurl and show its many faces to the world. Till then, I suppose we will all have to wait - longingly, looking out the window. |
| First of all, let me just say that today sucks. Just like yesterday sucked and tomorrow will likely suck. It has already begun. I just spent thirty minutes typing out today's blog entry for it to just disappear into the nether regions of the interweb instead of publishing the post like it should have. Oh well. Par for my life. Tomorrow is the memorial service for my Grandma. My Mom and her brother and sisters decided on a memorial service rather than a funeral, so this is what we are going to do. Yeah, I'll get to see family that I haven't seen in a long while, but why should the death of a loved one be the thing that brings us all together?! Couldn't we have come together at a more pleasant time? It is what it is though. I have no control over it. Just like I have no control over how I feel. I can only control what the world sees and Boy! do I ever do that! So, this entry is much shorter than the first one I tried to post, but I have no desire to retype everything all over again. I have no desire to do much of anything of late. Can tell that the depression is sitting inside, poisoning my mind. What's new though. It has been a roller coaster ride of highs and lows for most of my life. I'm not allowed to die yet so I just exist from day to day. Getting through one day just to wake to the next and do it all again. Such is my lot in life. I'm chasing after that dream of a good day, I suppose. Get through the day, get through the day. Work helps because I go into auto-pilot and don't have to think or feel. I don't have to show the real me. Oh well, gonna get through today so I can try to get through Grandma's funeral tomorrow. |
| Today is the first day since my grandmother passed away on the 8th that I haven't been kept busy with work. What does that mean? I finally have all the time in the day to dwell on my loss and nothing to keep my mind off it. I loved my grandmother dearly. We watched "I Love Lucy" and countless classic movies together. She is the person responsible for introducing me to Shirley Temple movies and the like. I don't know if I can watch any of those old movies any more without crying. That's what I have been doing in my free time since the 8th, crying. I know this is affecting my mom even more and it pains me that I cannot be there to comfort her. My only balm is that my grandma lived a long, full, happy life. She would have seen her 94th birthday this August, but her mortal coil just couldn't keep going anymore. She fought death off as long as she could but in the end, even this stubborn feisty beauty had to give in. So my heart should be soothed, right? That now she's with the Lord? But is she? Do Atheists go to heaven if they were once Christians or decided to give their lives over to Christ at the very last minute? I don't know. I still feel her around me. I can still hear her sassing everyone. Maybe she isn't really dead in my heart and mind. But it still hurts and the loss is real. Now, it's just one day at a time. One minute at a time. Goodness! I loved that woman! |
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You're so right, they are definitely perceptive. They know when you need extra attention, and they know when to keep an eye out for you. They are definitely a blessing from God.
