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 a place for my responses to the prompts from Andre the Blog Monkey's Banana Bar |
Fun times never stop at "Invalid Item"  .
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| When Andre was just a little monkey, his parents hired the finest teachers. 4.) With what great musician did Andre study? As a little shite, Andre showed an interest in music that his parents were all too happy to encourage. His mother, a gifted musician in her own right, was ecstatic at the thought that her son was following in her footsteps and had taken a shining to the art. His mother and father hired the best teachers they could find in order to help Andre on his way to stardom as well. They hired Mitch Mitchell, percussionist for the Jimi Hendrix experience, to teach him the different percussion instruments and soon Andre was playing the cowbell good enough to rival his teacher. A quick study, Andre was soon playing the cowbell parts in songs like Low Rider, Don't Fear the Reaper, and Stone Free. Thomas "Papa Dee" Allen, percussionist for the band War, actually asked to sit in for a session with the percussion prodigy. Andre didn't just show promise in the cowbell, however. Andre was quickly able to play any percussion instrument that Mitch set in front of the young monkey. His thirst to learn music didn't end with percussion either. At the first signs of interest in stringed instruments, his father also hired the classical guitarist Andrés Segovia to teach his young son to play guitar. Andre's long fingers were perfect for fingering the frets and his ability to learn music allowed him to quickly learn classical guitar. But, due to his odd body proportions, he was unable to hold normal guitars while standing. As that was the case, Segovia taught Andre on the lute, sitar, and the ukulele. Andre's love of music and learning didn't stop there either. He parents hired professional artists to teach Andre to play the flute and tuba, and even brought in Neil Young himself to teach Andre to play the harmonica. When he wanted to learn the kazoo, his mother called in a favor and brought in a professional kazoo player to teach her son the intricacies of the kazoo. Andre made his parents proud. Then again, they have never gone to see him perform at any of the rock concerts in which he played. Now, with his newfound interest in the accordion, he's planning on hiring William Schimmel's top student from the Juilliard school of music to teach him the tenets of accordion play. I wonder what instrument will tickle his fancy next. The spoons maybe? W/C 416  |
| Andre once played with (your choice of the artist, this can be a fictional or actual artist). 3.) Andre got fired. Why? One night, I was sitting at the Banana Bar, drinking away my anger at being fired from my job because of a very public mental breakdown. The embarrassment at being escorted out of the building and off the property was still fresh in my mind. Silent and sullen, I sat in a corner downing Crown and RC Cola like it was water. I was pissed at the world and didn't want to talk to anyone but Lilli 🧿 ☕, and only then to request another drink. I'm pretty sure that everyone in the bar could feel the angry vibes emanating from me and kept their distance to keep the peace. I wasn't looking for a fight, but I damned sure would have thrown down if somebody even looked at me wrong. As I finished yet another glass, I signaled Lilli over. "I want a Crown and RC, this time, hold the RC. No, wait. Just bring me a bottle of top shelf vodka. These sissy drinks aren't helping at all," I asked her when she came over to the table. Sitting in my corner, I viewed the goings-on in the Banana Bar as if I were looking into a portal to a world that I could never be a part of. Lilli brought over the vodka and two glasses. "Wha-?" I begin to ask but just then, Andre swung over and took a seat opposite me. Lilli smiled consolingly at me, filled both glasses with vodka, said "Here ya go," and walked off to help another customer, leaving the bottle on the table. Andre took a big swig from his glass and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty tough day." "Tough doesn't even begin to describe it," I grumble to him. "So, tell me what happened." I gulp down half of my drink before I start telling him my story. The story took long enough for us to finish the bottle and when it was empty, Andre signaled Lilli over to bring another one. "Don't worry, I'll pay for that one too," I said. "Nah. this one is on the house. Now, you were saying you told your boss just where she could shove her suggestions and demands..." "Yeah. I think she was just looking for something to fire me for - so I gave her a reason. And she told the sheriffs she was afraid I'd hurt her or someone else. Shit! I just wanted to be left alone to do my job." Andre was having a hard time not cracking a smile. "Calm down. Let me tell you the story about the time I was fired." He paused to take a drink of his vodka and light a cigar. "Now, you've been here enough times to know that I've played with some really great bands, right?" I shake my head yes. "What most people don't know, though is that I was actually supposed to sit in with the Traveling Wilburys back in 1988. I was the original drummer for the band. We were a close-knit group and were always having a great time. They were pretty cool back in the day, you know? And they all encouraged my high jinks. I was even the inspiration for Bob Dylan and Tom Petty when they were writing "Tweeter and the Monkey Man," but they'll deny that now. They all have ever since the split." He takes a big puff from his cigar and exhales cloud of smoke than takes a large swig of vodka. "I was wilder back in my youth, more primal. I'd get drunk and swing from the chandeliers most nights just because I could. And all the girls loved me. I had it all: personality, charm, money, talent, and of course these good looks. Everything was going great until I really tied one on one day and never made it to the gig that night. A couple days later, I finally made it back for practice. Tom, Jeff, and George weren't too happy about it, Bob said, 'Chill out. You guys have been there. Let the monkey have a good time.' But it was three to one and so I was told to pack up my drums and go. You know what that did? It really pissed me off. I grabbed Tom's pretty yellow hair and pulled hard as I could, ripping out a handful. And I slapped him across the face, knocking him to the floor and wailing on him with all four limbs. I bit Jeff in the leg when he came to pull me off Tom too. I didn't stop my frenzy until George shot me with a tranquilizer. I woke up in a 4 ft by 4 ft cage like a wild animal. Bob was sitting next to the cage and said, 'Man, you really did it this time. I don't think they're going to let you back in the band after that one.' But since I was under contract, they had to pay me off if they wanted to fire me. I got a bunch of bananas to go my own way, and a whole lot of money too. That's how I got the dough to pay for this island and the bad ass bar you're sitting in right now." We shared a couple more glasses of vodka in silence then Andre said, "See life isn't as bad as you thought, is it?" "Nah, thanks Andre." I say before my head hit the table as I passed out. I woke the next morning at sunrise on the beach, covered in sand and one hell of a hangover. Thanks again Andre...  W/C 958 |
| Andre has very eclectic musical tastes, but he likes one genre more than others. 2.) What is Andre’s favorite genre? Does he have a favorite artist, Who and why? While Andre does love a variety of music, he really loves the polka. Perhaps this is due to his enduring fascination with the accordion, perhaps the swing of the beat speaks to his primal soul, or maybe it's because it ain't a polka without some good stout drinks. Whatever the case, polka is his thing. Weird, right? But, then again, who is to say what is normal for a vodka guzzling, bar owning, mischief making monkey?! Andre has been all over the world, playing with great artists (see: "Melodious Monk(ey)" ) and while traveling, he was able to see performances by many bands he wouldn't have otherwise. While in Holland, he was introduced to the Polka by a band called the Hubn Bubn Polka Band . Their music was so lively and fun! Just the thing for a drunken monkey, surely. And Polka showcases everyone's musical talents, with every instrument having their turn in the spotlight on different songs. There were songs for brass, songs where the guitar stood out , and songs where the accordion , his favorite stole the show. The music was just so jolly, how could any monkey not enjoy it! It just begged for the listener to hop and twirl around. Now, maybe he wouldn't have enjoyed it so much if the band members weren't so talented and the band hadn't looked like they were having so much fun playing their music. I don't think even Andre can tell you exactly why he loves the Polka so much, but he does. Now, grab yourself a vodka or spiked beverage of your choice, drink it down, and join us in the Polka. W/C 306 |
| Andre is a very accomplished musician. 1.) What instrument does Andre play, why, and with who has he performed? Andre is a multi-instrumental virtuoso, able to play stringed, percussion, and wind instruments. He is quite skilled with the ukulele, cowbell, triangle, harmonica, hand drums, tuba, and flute, but he is absolutely ingenious with both the kazoo and the jug. If you're lucky, you might even be at the Banana Bar when Andre gets on stage for a drunken jam session. Andre comes from a long line of gifted primates, in fact, it was his mother who first introduced him to music. He started out playing the cowbell and soon, his interest in music blossomed into rhapsody for a raucous refrain. The list of instruments he could play increased by leaps and bounds. It was during this time that Andre discovered the kazoo. He was delighted at the sounds he created on that first time he blew through the small oddly shaped plastic instrument. He tooted his horn so much in fact that all of his friends and family considered stuffing cotton in their ears! He even joined an All-Kazoo band and soon after was awarded first chair. The kazoo is cool and all, but no bands were looking for kazoo players, so Andre decided to strengthen his skills in percussion. Playing the hand drum, he shared the stage with stars like Bob Marley , bands like The Grateful Dead and Phish . After the set one particularly successful night, Andre was sitting around the bonfire just drinking and chilling with the guys. He had been drinking on a gallon jug of vodka when an impromptu jam began. Playing the hand drums can be a thirst inducing activity. Andre reached down to grab a swig and discovered the jug was empty. When he sighed, the most heavenly music emanated from the jug. Eureka! A new instrument! Being a quick study, Andre learned that jug lickety-split. Soon, word got out and the Finnish band Steve 'n' Seagulls invited Andre to play a few stops on their tour with them. It was only after playing a few sets with Steve 'n' Seagulls that Andre saw the potential of the squeeze box. So now, Andre is braving new vines and has set his mind on teaching himself to play the accordion...W/C - 388 |
| It's March as of today and Monkey Madness is now upon us. Since I signed up for March Musical Monkey Madness, I decided to post all of the prompts and rules here, so I won't have to swing from tab to tab lollygagging around while I could be writing. Here are the Blogging Prompts and Rules for MaRcH MuSiCaL mOnKeY mAdNeSs for MY future reference... Remember! You can only answer one prompt per day! Post all of your entry/items in one message—using the edit feature. Andre encourages comments and will reward them! There's still plenty of time to get in on the action, go here "March Musical Monkey Madness ~ Sign Up Here!!" Andre is a very accomplished musician. 1.) What instrument does Andre play, why, and with who has he performed? Andre has very eclectic musical tastes, but he likes one genre more than others. 2.) What is Andre’s favorite genre? Does he have a favorite artist, Who and why? Andre once played with (your choice of the artist, this can be a fictional or actual artist). 3.) Andre got fired. Why? When Andre was just a little monkey, his parents hired the finest teachers. 4.) With what great musician did Andre study? Andre often listens to one song over and over. (think about a toddler and "Baby Shark" 5.) What song and why? Your Muse and Andre have decided to collaborate. They want to write a song together. Two Prompts Here; 6.) Tell us why they decided to collaborate. 7.) Write Their Song – This prompt may be a poetic form). The collaboration between your Muse and Andre was a big success. 8.) Tell us about the world tour they embarked on to promote/perform their big hit. Many artists are one-hit wonders. 9.) Did this fate befall your Muse and Andre? Why or Why not? Since we now know Andre was a pretty successful musician it begs the question; 10.) How did Andre get into the bar business, how did he acquire the Banana Bar? |
| When Andre was elected president, many of the other countries followed suit. Never before had our world leaders consisted of such a rag-tag group of anti-politicants; monkeys, humanoids, owls, rabbits. You name it, all kinds of muses took office. One South American country even elected an anaconda (though I'm pretty sure she's really a politician in disguise). Who knew there were so many artists in the world that we would see the number of muses elected! These newly elected leaders planned a global conference in order to all come to agreement on the new terms for governing this new world. They chose to hold their conference on 2/2/22; not because it held any significance, but because it looked good in print. Well, that and Andre was secretly hoping the conference would upstage that cocky little ground-dweller Phil. 'What utter nonsense!' he thought. 'Relying on some stupid groundhog to predict how long winter would last! Why not trust the science, at least where the weather is concerned.' In order to hold and actually televise the conference, muses needed to be seen and heard by the masses - not just the lucky writers, musicians, and other artists born with the innate ability to do so. "What could be the harm of letting the muses have a day each year to come out and mingle?" asked a white lab rat muse with a Russian accent. And most of the other Muses In Charge (or MIC for short) had agreed. And so, a worldwide decree was issued that on 2/2 of every year, muses were allowed to manifest completely, enabling all humans and other living beings to both see and hear them. Annie Conda tasted the air alive with the potential of their choice and thought 'Things are about to get interesting.' Her mouth curled up into a sharp-needled grin. The MIC hadn't stopped to consider that in giving muses a day of concrete manifestation, the muses would also be solid enough to manipulate object in the material world, while retaining their ability to sway the minds of people. The conference began without a hitch shortly after 12:00am Banana Bar time. Since every member of the MIC wanted the same thing, equal rights for muses, there was little desire for shenanigans at that point. As soon as the conference began, the chains that fettered muses everywhere were unlatched and the muses were able to manifest completely if they chose to do so. Things were carrying on as crazy as usual at my "zoo". MJ was showing the fox old family photos and Ravyn was off doing whatever it is she does (just as long as she isn't getting me or herself in trouble, I'm fine with her absence). Ixnay was staring out the window, muzzle still securely in place and Jel was keeping himself busy planning what he would do if he ever got out of his restraints again. Nebula kitty was being her elusive self, staying away from the madness that generally occupies my mind. Being winter, the bear was still fast asleep. That's what I was doing too, before the trouble started. Alarms were sounding everywhere. It took a little while for me to realize the alarms weren't a part of my dreams. But when I finally did wake, the alarms were still blaring. Even before I kicked the blankets off me, a feeling of dread overcame me; my airways constricting and a bowling forming in the pit of my stomach. "This is so not good!" I said to no one in particular, as I have a penchant for talking out loud to myself. I called for the girls and got no answer from either. A search of my mind yields no MJ, Ravyn, or fox. All I found of Ixnay was his muzzle. "Well, someone's in for a treat!" I say sarcastically to the empty room. When I made it to Jel's cell, all that was there was an open door and a straight jacket that appeared as if it had been chewed off by an animal. "Oh! You guys, what have you done now?" I ask the deserted room, not expecting an answer. By this time, the anxiety is snapping me out of the last vestiges of sleep induced brain fog and my head clears enough to remember what day it is - February 2. The day the muses were supposed to be free to go about as they wanted. "Well, there's nothing I can do now except ride out the storm and hope like hell everyone comes back home when they've had enough fun." So I contacted Brother Nature to get word to Andre that things might get really bad soon because if my lot was on the loose, everyone else's muses were most likely out and about too! With nothing else I could do and no idea whatsoever where any of them had gone, I sit on the sofa and put the TV on the News. The newscaster had just finished highlighting the early stages of the conference on Andre's island and was cutting over to the reporter that was onsite with Phil the groundhog. The reporter had barely begun to relate the usual story of the groundhog and what would happen with the weather if Phil saw his shadow or didn't when he emerged from his hole. But, midway through his explanation, and before Phil could emerge from his hole, the news switched back to the station for some breaking news. The news lady looked unsettled. You could see she was attempting to put a smile on her face for the camera and her audience. Her normally perfectly coiffed blonde locks were mussed, and mascara was smeared under one eye. "Good morning ladies and gentlemen. I'm Aria Porter. We've cut from your regularly scheduled programming this morning to bring you some breaking news. It appears chaos has ensued across the city, as animals from the city's shelters run rampant in the streets after having been let loose from the shelters by an indeterminate number of unknown perpetrators. Also, unexplained fires are appearing citywide. There seems to be no rhyme nor reason for the wanton destruction of the homes and businesses affected." I attempt to gulp in a breath but the bowling ball that had been in my stomach had just moved to my throat. "Officials have yet to discover who is behind these senseless acts or why they are being committed. We are now switching over to Ona Vince who is reporting live from the East Texas Shelter for Unwanted and Stray Animals; the scene of the most recent vandalism. - Ona..." "Thanks Aria! This is Ona Vince and I'm here at the East Texas Shelter for Unwanted and Stray Animals, where we are trying to shed more light on these dastardly acts. I'm here with shelter director, Fred Haws. Director Haws, what exactly happened here?" Mr. Haws was opening his mouth to speak when an explosion a couple blocks away rocked the area. The cameraman quickly panned over to the site just as a second explosion shook them, followed by a third and a fourth. I recognized the building that was exploding. It was the lab that I used to do research in. Those separate explosions were probably from the cannisters of CO2 that were set up outside the growth chambers to boost plant growth. I couldn't take any more. I turned off the television and sat in the darkness of my house for the rest of the day. Turns out, it was only my band of misfit muses that were wreaking havoc that day, but I will always dread February 2 when it rolls around on the calendar from now on. The cops never found anyone to pin the destruction on and my manic muses returned home none the worse for the wear (except for maybe some singed digits). I didn't have to muzzle Ixnay after that. What he saw Jel do must have traumatized the poor chap. Jel, well, he's back in a cell. Double locked this time; only Nebula knows the codes and she's not giving them up. Maybe I should build two more cells for the girls for next February... The girls are still themselves - for better or worse. However, their shenanigans scared the poor little fox away. I hope it finds a good home where it can inspire stories for years to come. And me? I think I've had enough fun for one day. |
| A little something I wrote for "EXPRESS IT IN EIGHT" today, 1/31/2022 guided by the day's prompts: neither rhyme nor reason & in my heart of hearts - Just thought it would go well here too... Muse to Blame? Trouble came along. I probably shoulda guessed. It was neither rhyme nor reason that got me in this mess! My head is somehow empty, my mind's broken and confused. But I couldn't find it in my heart of hearts to Blame it on My Muse. |
Keeping to the trend of being late to the game lately, I just stumbled across these entertaining commercials about Trunk Monkey. Enjoy. |
| Funny Friday. Final Day. You know what that means... Funny Final Friday You and your muse are invited to the Blame on my Muse Awards Banquet. Write about the event in today's blog entry. True to my character of late, I was the last writer to make it to the BOMM Awards banquet and party. I'm always late when Ravyn is involved. This time, it was because she had to have the perfect look for the event. The dress she had decided to wear was a jet-black floor length off-the-shoulder number. It looked like she had been poured into it. She had dyed her hair cotton candy pink and painted her lips and nails to match. The color of the cotton candy wasn't enough for her, she donned a cone-shaped hat and styled her hair to also look like a cotton candy. The look was deceptive; she is in no way sweet. When I saw how some of the other muses had dressed, I wasn't so embarrassed about her outfit any longer. MJ was dressed more low-key, but just as bright. She had decided on a tie-dyed ankle length peasant dress paired with a pair of strappy leather sandals. Her long red hair, usually a mess, was braided down her back. I chose an ankle length peasant dress as well. However, mine was teal accented by a purple rope belt and small purple flower on the hem and collar. I refused to wear any shoes but my usual Chucks, though I decided to wear the purple low-tops because they matched the flowers on the dress. I just wore my hair down as I'm not big on fixing myself up. The cat decided to stay in (no surprise there) and keep an eye on our newest addition, the dog, the bear, and Jel. It was probably a good thing that Jel and Ixnay weren't here. If there's alcohol and Jel is around, something's gonna get burnt to the ground - and I don't think Andre would appreciate it if someone burnt down the bar. And the damned dog would have talked everyone's ears off (and some of the muses have really big ears!) So anyway, in we finally walk, just as Lilli 🧿 ☕ was announcing dinner. We rushed to seat ourselves at the table. I don't remember much of dinner. It's probably because of whatever was in the drinks they kept serving us. I vaguely remember the awards that followed. Lots of toasting, clapping, drinking. I think I remember Andre starting a karaoke contest, monkeys singing the Monkees. Ravyn was surprisingly on her best behavior. She was more interested in the drama that Sha-sha was attempting to create. I'm pretty sure she felt outclassed by Clio, normal compared to Sha-sha. And normal was something Ravyn tries very hard to not be. MJ excused herself for a while. She came back smelling like her favorite herb, eyes glassy. That's when she got into the spirit of the occasion and jumped onstage for a rendition of Up in Smoke that left the entire gathering laughing wildly. Afterward, I saw her huddling with Andre talking about something. I can only assume it had something to do with the vodka and herb concoction that she had created. She was trying to get it out to all the Muse bars she could. I remember pieces here and there of the rest of the night; being so drunk I threw my camera in the water when I couldn't find a skipping stone, having to be carried back into my house once I got home. And I still don't know how the girls managed that feat. They're resourceful when they want or need to be. And I woke with The. Worst. Hangover. Ever! Nothing to do then, other than drinking a bit more. Best hangover cure I know of. Now, could you turn down the lights? I have a splitting headache! |
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