Mystical Meditations

I went through a crisis of faith that I am only now (after 7 years) beginning to get through. It began when my
Dad died. Prior to this tragedy, I loved going to church and anything or anyone connected with The Lord. Afterward, I was scared to death of these things. I had to create a life without any religious connections that I still craved from deep within.

It wasn't any help at all that I was already afflicted with a mental illness that was based on religious delusions. Totally not real hallucinations, voices and thoughts that were at times hard to shake. I can look back now and see that my dad (even though we didn't always get along) was a rock for me to lean on when these episodes hit me. Without him just being there, I couldn't even face the real thing.

I highly recommend reading anything inspirational you can get your hands on. This material helped me to learn how to act on positive thoughts. What seems ironic is that I also began facing things that had always scared me just to see if I could hang tough. I couldn't escape the horrifying things I saw on TV when I tried to get to sleep. Want to know what's even more ironic? I didn't give up. I kept facing these things, and they eventually lost their grip on me.

I went to church this morning and felt more at ease than I had in years. I even said a prayer, personally dedicating this mass to my dad. My illness will always require medication and therapy, but my life is coming closer to being my own again. I learned a valuable lesson from these years of struggling with my fears. Face them, despite discomfort that makes us want to run the other direction. I read that this kind of negative emotion is a representation of the absence of anything positive. This is why I recommend these positive thinking books. They can help us take hold of our innate goodness and become productive again.

And, so can prayer.