NaNoWriMo Brainstorming Forum

Here's my excerpt. It's an early scene between Lilia and Grammy. Thoughts on both of them?

The house loomed into view and Lilia gasped. It looked exactly the same as it had the day she drove away. Lilia stopped the car, killed the engine, and stepped into the fresh Autumn air. The trees around the house were as green as mid summer, but the air told a different story. When she was a child, Grammy would tease that the trees were 'evergreen maples' and that's why they kept their color for so long. Grammy did love to weave her tales. Although, Lilia was always happy to listen to them. They were the perfect pair.

And now, she was sick. Her Grammy, the only family she had left. Lilia had moved in with her grandmother when she was seven years old, the year her parents died. It was a rough one for Lilia, but having Grammy there to comfort and coddle her brought her through some of the worst of it. And then there was Malik. Much as she tried these past fourteen years, she couldn't forget him. And now, she was worried. When Grammy called, there was no way Lilia could refuse. But the mere presence of her and her daughter in this place put his life in danger.

As she stood there, breathing the crisp air, her thoughts twisted and wandered. She saw a flash of russet and her breath caught. 'Malik?' she wondered. But she saw no signs of him. She used to love going into that forest. The ground was the softest she'd ever felt. It was as if she walked on the top of a pillow top mattress every time she entered. There had been many days when she couldn't bear the grief of her losses and she had ventured into that forest only to be coddled to sleep by the mossy floor.

It was during one of these naps that Malik had found her. He was a scrawny boy, all elbows and knees, with hair that flowed down to the middle of his back. At first, Lilia mistook him for a girl, but his general lack of proper clothing set her right very quickly.

“Are you a faerie?” he'd asked her when she woke.

“No,” she stated, very matter-of-factly. “There are no such things as faeries. They only exist in children's stories.” She stared into the boy's golden eyes and marveled at his perfect skin. Maybe he was an orphan too. Maybe there was a home for orphans nearby. Although, he looked very clean for an orphan. “Where did you come form?” she asked him.

But, he did not answer. Instead he seemed to be going over her statement of no faeries. “None at all, huh?” he asked. “I wonder what I am then.”

“What do you mean?” she asked. “You're a boy.”

“Oh,” he said again. The word seemed weighted, though, and even her eight-year-old brain could tell that there was much contained within the two letters. “Thank you,” he finally continued. “Have a nice day. I apologize for disturbing your nap.” And with that, he turned and walked into the grove of trees.

“Wait!” she called out, desperate for friendship. She scolded herself. Couldn't she just keep her opinions to herself. The same thing happened with Sarah Jane at her old school. Lilia had just wanted to impress Sarah Jane with her knowledge of the solar system. Instead she managed to make the other girl call her mean names like “bossy” and “know-it-all”. Although, Lilia did have to wonder, what in the world was so wrong about knowing it all?


“Oh Lilia, you're here!” She heard Grammy's raspy voice calling from the house and noticed that it seemed weaker, more feeble somehow. Though Grammy was well into her seventies, Lilia could only remember her being strong and vibrant. She was the rock within the family and the one to outlive everyone else, save Lilia. The woman never seemed to age, as if time slowed down in Grammy's world. But seeing her now, hunched over a walker, something Lilia thought she'd never have to use, with hair that had turned white as snow, Lilia added another worry to her list. Though she hadn't been back here in quite a long time, she talked to Grammy every single day. Lilia wasn't ready yet to let go of this woman who had helped her back from the brink of hell on many occasions.

“Grammy!” Lilia smiled and rushed to the large front patio. She noticed that Trina was already there, snuggled within Grammy's embrace. The woman always did give the very best hugs. As she wrapped her arms around Grammy, she couldn't help but notice that she had lost some weight. Lila worried more. Grammy was always a plump, robust woman, yet now she could feel shoulder blades protruding from her back.

Lilia sniffed the air around them, a familiar smell greeted her nose. “Did you bake bread?” she asked, her stomach rumbling.

“Of course I did, child.” Grammy patted her cheeks as if she were nine years old again. “What do you think I am, unsociable?”

Lilia laughed and hugged Grammy again. She had missed this more than anything. And being back here, it became much more clear to her what she had given up. It would have been wonderful to have been able to raise Trina here, to have these woods be a part of her like they were a part of Lilia and Grammy. But the danger was too great. And, no matter how good it felt to be home, Lilia knew that she must get Grammy better quickly, before anything bad happened.

“It smells wonderful, Grammy” Trina said. “I just love it here so much! Mom, why haven't we come back before this? Oh, I could just live here forever.”

Lilia glanced at Grammy, unsure of what to say to her daughter. Grammy was giving her a sad and slightly stern look. Lilia could read the disappointment in her eyes and she felt the shame of her mistake all over again. Not that she would ever trade Trina, but her choice to keep her all those years ago did make her road in life tougher to navigate.

“Trina, sweetie,” Grammy interjected. “The bread is sliced on the cutting board in the kitchen with some fresh milk in the fridge. Why don't you go have a slice while your mama and I chat for a few minutes.”