Only Chapter One

Thank you so much, Bob, for this in-depth review. It is worth a mint to me.

In the other review, which came from Carol St. Ann, I learned that I should get rid of most of my exclamation points. Sadly, you seem to have reviewed the version that still had the bucketful of E-points left in. I'll have to work on that to bring all my versions up-to-date.

I need to take time to digest this great review. You have put so much in here. I agree with you on the ways the story can be improved. For instance, the earthquake sequence seemed a little abrupt to me, too, but since I live in the Southeast of the US rather than in the Southwest, earthquakes are not experiential to this writer. The Aura before the earthquake has many similarities to the Aura before a seizure that helps both readers and characters to prepare for the inevitable. I like that. That's what this story needs! It was a blind spot for me, but since you put your finger on it I can see it clearly now. Thank you so much!

Regarding The Chronicles of Narnia, I am editing out those references, since Carol reminded me quite emphatically that I am not C. S. Lewis. That being the case I have created a new name for God that is bear-specific and will be consistent throughout the novel. I don't want to appear to copy any other author's work, even though I am a great fan of Lewis. He is a great inspiration for me, influencing the purposes of my writing.

That being referenced by you and by Carol, I would like to know if my choice of making Quest a little bear would place me liable in any connection with the Little Bear TV series. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Bear_(TV_series) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCncFzSeWqySvOXEbQoEJsZg If anyone in The Novel Workshop feels that I have the need to choose a new hero, even a creature that I create on some new and exotic planet in the far-reaches of the Galaxy, then I need to know that. Such a reworking would take much longer than I had expected to bring the novel to completion, but avoiding the situation that Carol referenced is greatly to be preferred than having to face a lawsuit of some sort.

It has been that kind of a year. I have started learning a new instrument, the viola. I wrote my first novel. At present everything sounds a little screechy to my ears, (and no doubt to everybody else's as well, which is one reason I try to practice when I'm home alone.)

Since Jade Amber is finishing her school year this week, and since NaPoWriMo was done at the end of April, I expect to have more time to focus on my novel during the daylight hours this summer.

The more specific review points I receive like those of yours and Carol's the sooner I believe my novel will be honed and ready for publishing. I see my errors in novel-writing as being similar to my less-than-skilled viola rehearsals. I am in need of "muscle memory" in musicianship and in writing. They say that "Practice makes perfect." I would like to add to that expression. "Practice makes tired. Sleep stores memories. The rested artist is ready to perform closer to perfection."

There is a great desire in my heart to be both excellent as a musician and as a writer. Reviewers, like you, are dear friends, who show great kindness in helping me to reach my desired goal. Multiple thanks, My Friend. You have been very helpful today. I am deeply grateful.