George slammed the car into a lower gear and hit the gas pedal, and was satisfied to hear a moan of pain come from the radio as the gears and clutch crunched, the engine roared like a caged tiger, and the car accelerated again. "St-stop, that felt really weird!"
"Sorry, kiddo, can't seem to find the brakes on this thing," George chuckled, slipping back into high gear. "Man, you handle like a dream. Are you sure you don't want to stay a car? It's like you were built to drive."
"I didn't want to be a car in the first place, let alone stay one," the radio screeches electronically. "That's assuming I even make it back to the Bureau with the way you're driving! You almost clipped that car back there, slow down!"
"Oh, relax, you're insured. If I crash you, I can always get a new one," George said in a jocular tone, though the words were true.
"That's not funny, I don't like this. Turn around. Slow down. Take me back to the Bureau. I want to be a human again." Blah blah blah. George rolled his eyes, the same way he did at the sat-nav in the Prius whenever it told him off for missing a junction, or going 3mph over the speed limit. Fortunately with that, he'd found a way to silence most of that. Guiding the car with one hand, and with one eye on the road, he flicked through the menu on the dashboard.
Menu > Sat-Nav > Audio > Voice Selection
Not that had promise. He'd heard of people swapping out their sat-nav voices for celebrities, like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Brian Blessed before. One option caught his eye - Female, Sultry. He pressed it.
"Hey, what are you doing? Stop altering - - loading audio template - - things. H-hey... hey, what have you done to my voice."
George could barely suppress a giggle as his son's insolence, teenage boy tones changed in a second into a soft, feminine purr, a young woman's voice like warm treacle.
"Oh, god, I sound like a chick," the car moaned in horror, though there was more than a hint of orgasmic groan in the way the audio elongated the 'ohhh god' part. "I sound like fucking Siri."
"Now that's what I call an upgrade. You're certainly a lot less abrasive on the earlobes." His eyes fell on the AI-Inside sticker on the dashboard and he pondered something. "Say, speaking of Siri, you don't have that kind of voice control built in,do you?"
There was a sudden silence from the car that spoke volumes. George's grin was so wide it almost split his face. "Say.... Andy, what's the weather like today?"
The voice responded immediately of course - it was a computer responding to its owner after all, which it regarded as anybody holding the keys. The tone of the words was clipped, a detectable undercurrent of anger there, but slathered in the honey-sweet voice distortion that all but masked Andy's true emotions with horny-borderline-orgasmic femininity. "The weather outside today is sooo wet."
"And how about petrol? How are we doing for that?"
"Oooh, my tank is sooo full."
"Tee hee! This is great! Though remind me to turn this off before your mother hears this."
"Reminder set - change settings."
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