Hallo, my dear sponsor. I'm back to return the great review you gave me for "Close"  and also because I really liked this piece, otherwise I wouldn't have chosen it.

First what was a bit distracting. It looks that you're sometimes switching between first and third person. I'd put the "first person" sentences in italics since they obviously reflect her thoughts. Also you switch into present tense in this sentence The dance teacher is still raving... when the story's actually told in the past.

I think you caught very well the lost feeling of an adolescent. When you don't have a label, don't belong in a group, have not really achieved something in your eyes you're a loser. Everyone's better than you and you consider yourself an error of nature that shouldn't be there at all. Even harder this must be when the "competitors" are your own kin and one of the "private" goals to get and keep the attention and love of your parents.

Your girl finds a good way to separate herself, give contour to herself that distinguishes from her kin and peers and she seems to enjoy it lot. Finally she has made the first step to her new identity and it's a great accomplishment. That her mother noticed and saluted her makes her feel even greater and elated.

But there was something both ironic and sad about it which directly casts a shadow over it... when she meets her new coach. I guess the moral of the story is that as long family is somehow involved in your activities whatever it is will never be truly "yours" because you're watched and feel you must perform well... it loses the fun factor a bit since you're not doing it entirely for yourself anymore but also to make someone you know and love proud and live up to their expectation they have in you.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


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