I have reviewed the following item "BE UP AND RUNNING: a sonnet"  towards the entry fee.

Hello there,

Thank you for allowing me to review your work.

This is a very sage, reflective piece, and I enjoy how you weave your message into a naturalistic setting. You bestow a great sense of old age wisdom and truth. With the rigid structure that sonnets provide, I was pleasantly surprised to read such a loose flowing, breezy piece. I expected the rhymes to incur a harsher sense of beat, but because you chose to use very soft sounding couplets, like 'swim', 'own', 'shore', and also owing to your appropriate use of language, your verse runs off the tongue fluidly, seeming to travel along its own given rhythm. I enjoyed that you managed to mould this form around your own poetic voice, not something I often see achieved with these highly structured sonnets.

The only point I might raise is regarding the the last line of your first stanza:

"Of one who fears the act for which one craves?"

The meaning is discernible, but there is still most definitely an element of awkwardness regarding the wording used here. The stanza would be an entirely lovely one were this line perhaps tidied up a little, as I find my mind tends to trip over the 'of's and the 'for's in the phrasing. Perhaps simply not as elegant as the rest of the poem.

All in all, a wonderfully clear, confident piece that was a great pleasure to read. Thank you!

Write on!

Wyrd_Naos

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .