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 Review #3922518 |
| (4.5)  Billy Wigglestick's   Sonnet Contest Review!   3  10 1Schemed Quatrains Iambic Beats Rhyming Couplet Note from Billy  Note about judging: this is a very subjective contest. You may not agree with me.    Your Group! 1. "Invalid Item" - Invalid Review  2. "Invalid Item" - Invalid Review 3. "Invalid Entry" This is you!4. "A Story, A Poem and An Image" 5. "Invalid Item" Billy Likes:  Creativity: Great use of the prompt - it is exactly what I had in mind when I wrote it. I suffer from depression which people do not understand because of my external appearance. I applaud you on your honesty. Use of Form: Little known about the sonnet, it doesn't have to be abab, cdcd. It can also be aabb, or abba. The only necessity is that you stick to the same scheme for each quatrain, which you did. Clever you on thinking outside of the box! Word Choice: Casual and comfortable conversational words which enable readability across any spectrum of adulthood experience. And to describe depression as a dragon was eerily familiar. Overall Impression:   A lovely poem with very little flaw. Take this reward for using the (now) optional prompt. All submissions which make use of the optional prompt will receive an extra 500gp reward just for submitting. Billy Hates:  Stumbling Points: Disease and anger hidden way down deep. <--- Possibly the only flaw I was able to pick up - 'way down deep' is all strong. To preserve scansion consider replacing 'down' with a weaker work. Perhaps: "hidden in the deep"? It's yours to enjoy fixing, I leave it in your capable hands. Lack of a Peripeteia: Poor Flow: Consider capitalizing the first word in each line to prevent the reader from worrying about the flow from one sentence to the next. Each line should be able to stand alone. 'As though I live my life without a tear' is a complete fragment, give it a capital letter. Same with 'And help me overcome before life's gone'. I would suggest also changing 'life's' to 'I'm'. 'And help me overcome before I'm gone' Forced Rhymes: Thank you for joining me on this wacky ride through sonnet land. I hope to see you again, keep an eye out for the round ending email.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 11/12/2013 @ 11:36am EST