%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4450177 |
 | Mourrning  [E] ending of life  |
| (4.0)  Greetings, asburywrites! I found your item, "Mourrning" , in Random Reviews and decided to review it.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.My First Impression I could clearly visualize this starving wolf--nearly dead--lifting his eyes toward the skies where beautiful forests await him to come home. Very touching. Punctuation/Grammar/Typos You were consistent with using no punctuation, which really works well with this piece. Grammar was great, and I notice no typos.  Suggestions/Thoughts Your meter was pretty good, though there were a few areas you might want to work on smoothing out. Try reading this aloud and you will notice the lines where you might consider shaving off a few syllables to help with the consistancy of the rhythm, especially in the third stanza. This shouldn't be too hard to do, as your writing otherwise flows pretty well. If you find it too difficult, you could always experiment with free verse, which would open up a freedom sometimes traditional rhyme doesn't allow. Something to think about, anyway.   My favorite lines...He remembers the old days when his pack kept him fed Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. And welcome to WdC! Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! ~Cubby ")    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 11/09/2018 @ 1:04pm EST