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Review #4451710
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
         *Pumpkin2* Greetings, Evelyn - Writing on Fire ! I discovered your item, "Invalid Item" , and decided to review it, as I also enjoy writing for the children's genre. *Smile* I have noticed you've requested that this piece be taken as an opening prologue to a longer story, so that's how I will review it. *Wink*

         First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. *Smile* Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

My First Impression

         I love the narrator's voice in your piece. I am curious if he is just the narrator, or something else... You've piqued my interest here. *Wink* Have you read The Book Thief? It has a tone close to that one, but it is Death who narrates that book. A great read, if you haven't yet read it, by the way. Have you continued on into the story after writing this introduction? If not, you should consider continuing on. *Wink*

Punctuation/Grammar/Typos

         Just a few quick typos...
Paragraph 5: The boy You've capitalized the b in boy everywhere else in this introduction, so I'm sure this is only a typo easily corrected so it stays consistent. *Smile*
Paragraph 7: Thiat is why Another silly typo... That is why

Suggestions/Thoughts

         I love the tone you've created here. The print feels very tiny, though it could be my eyes this morning. You might consider enlarging the size a little for easier reading. And that's about all I have for suggestions. You are undoubtedly a gifted writer. I hope you continue on your journey. *Smile*

         *Starb* My favorite line...

                             I have been on this ship for hundreds of years, but never have I had such an experience.
         What a great opening sentence! You've hooked me right away!

*Thumbsup* Nicely written! I hope my suggestions were helpful. *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Pumpkin2*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Pumpkin2*
~Cubby ")
Simply chipmunks SP group signature.


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 11/17/2018 @ 7:51am EST
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