Hi Emily,
This is a wonderful piece. The tone is formal. It suits the piece and plot very well. The reader is wondering if the girl in the piece is deliberately using some sort of magic. They will read to the last word to find out. The plot is straight forward and moves along logically. In the piece, a young girl realizes that she has the ability to control the stars. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characterization is fully developed and believable. The piece concentrates on the girl looking at the night sky, and she comes across as a real person. There is no dialogue but it is not needed here. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. You have accomplished a great deal in just a few words. Great job.