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Review #4520425
Viewing a review of:
 Slime Boy  [18+]
A boy can transform into blue slime and possess people he wants. In-progress.
by Possess
Review of Slime Boy  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Season’s greetings, Possess!
This isn’t bad for your first story on here. The idea of Eric coming into contact with this blue slime and then using it to get out of trouble (at his brothers’ own expense *Smirk2*) might not be a totally original idea, but I like how you put your own twist on it.
I’m not sure if you’re going to continue with this and see what other ‘fun’ Eric can have with his bros, but I’m sure if you do you’ll come up with some doozies. There’s possibilities galore here!
A few niggles you might want to check:
‘Eric decides to go (to) the facility and enters...’
‘...causing something to fall on all over Eric’
‘...begins to slither away and for the exit of the facility’
“He was supposed to comeback here five minutes ago." (should be two words)
Also, you seemed to be doing a lot more telling than showing with this. Here’s a link about showing vs. telling: ""Telling" Vs. "Showing" - Part 1" 
Otherwise, good job.
Kee ponw ritin gon, Posses, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you’re going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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The WDC Angel Army  (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page under Community on the left hand side.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Goliath With A Santa Hat On



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