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 Review #4525540 |
 | Part Of a MadMan  [13+] a short horror story about a shadow man  |
| (3.5)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Greetings, Soulcalibur! As a lover, writer, reader and judge of horror, I thought this wasn’t bad for your first horror story. It’s a little confusing, though. I like the concept of the shadow, although reading about dreams and dream sequences is a bit old. I’ve read way too many horror stories that start with a dream, end with a dream, or have a dream in it somewhere. I think we have Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz to thank for that.  As for the shadow, I’m not sure why Dan befriended him, and why the shadow befriended him. That doesn’t tie in with Dan’s violent death, which I’m assuming was committed by the shadow. There’s a lot of places where commas should be periods and vice versa, and there’s more telling than showing. Adding some similes and metaphors would help this and add to the atmosphere. Below is a link to Telling vs. Showing. You should probably use paragraphs too. Having a complete story in one paragraph just isn’t done, even in flash fiction. Soulcalibur, please don’t think I’m ripping your story apart! I’m just making some suggestions. These are my opinions, and of course you’re welcome to do what you want with them. But one of the purposes of Writing.Com is for people to help each other to become better writers, which is what I’m hoping I’m doing! Just yesterday I received a review that offered a LOT of suggestions on an older flash fiction piece I wrote, and it was by a very good friend. She showed me several places where the story could use some improvement, and I totally agree with her! Your spelling was good, as was the concept. There’s just some parts I think you could work on. By the way, here’s that link: ""Telling" Vs. "Showing" - Part 1" Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you’re going to love it here! PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course. PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.
PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.
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