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Review by Dave
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Greetings, Floyd!

Welcome to the province of write and review, and to "The Poet's Place "  group, in particular. You are off to a great start by populating your port and finding your way around to various activities available on this vast site. The following observations are offered in belated, but still grateful, response to your Review of "Elegy For the Neighborhood" . Of course, they are nothing more than one man's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.

TITLE:

Like the names of your children, a title gives the poem a specific identity. It is also a critical element of your composition, because it is the portal through which a prospective reader must pass to enter the realm of your imagination. It sets the tone and prepares the reader for what is to come. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author.

The title of this poem establishes a sense of urgent anticipation which grabs that browser by the heartstrings and drags him across that threshold.

FORM & STRUCTURE:

Poetry weaves an intricate web of aesthetic effects with threads of lyrical language, vibrant imagery and organizational form. As poets, we design or select an established pattern for any particular composition based on the contributions the specific characteristics of that arrangement will make toward enhancing the shades and nuances of meaning.

You have identified this composition as a "Sonnet," but that is not the case, because the most fundamental characteristic of that form is its fourteen line structure: http://www.thepoetsgarret.com/sonnet.html .

I like the fact that you have recently divided that long body of text into several stanzas in order to help control the pace and sharpen the focus, enabling the reader to absorb each impression more completely before moving along to the next.

IMAGERY:

Imagery is the lifeblood of a poem. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the poet uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the poet SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the poet stirs an emotional response from the reader.

The specific details provided by your narrator, such as "lurid blue" and the metaphorical "cloak of night," projects a mood of mystic power upon your audience.

POETIC TECHNIQUE:

Just as the conductor of a symphony orchestra controls the tempo and power of the music with a delicate nuance, a poet guides the pace and force of the poem by manipulating sounds through word selection and arrangement.

The cadence of iambic pentameter drives the narrative forward with its pounding pulse. The meter is well executed, with the exception of the twelfth line, where a series of consecutive strong syllables disrupts the flow just a tad:

"Against the power of night's harsh thieving will,"
a-GAINST/ the POW/-er OF/ NIGHT'S HARSH/ THIEV-ing/ WILL

If done well, rhyming can be pleasing to the ear and fun to create, testing the wit and ingenuity of the poet. It can also serve as an audible echo or resonance for emphasis. Additionally, rhyming can be an organizing device to create zones of similarity for your poems and linkage to connect different thoughts.

The rhyming pairs in this composition are well executed without distortion of the syntax and contribute significantly to enhancing that rhythm generated by the meter.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

Art happens in two places: in writers' minds as they create it, and in readers' minds as they perceive it. Creative writers explore possibilities through a lens colored by past experience and share them with an unseen audience. They call upon a unique reservoir of such enlightenment, conceptual skill and innovative research to project some spiritual sensation upon the screen of the audience's imagination--be it joy, melancholy, shock, or any of a thousand others.

In this case, you and your narrator have managed to capture the essence of determination. Write on!

Let the creativity flow from your soul! *Cool*
Dave
"The Poet's Place " 
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