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Review #4622377
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Review by Dave
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Rated: | (4.0)
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*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *LeafO*



Greetings, Scarlet!

Welcome to this wondrous writing community. The following observations are offered in the interest of friendly hospitality and constructive support. Of course, they are nothing more than one person's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.

TITLE:

The title serves as an invitation to prospective readers to enter the realm of your imagination. If that bidding does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author.

The sense of anticipation generated by the single word in this title provides plenty of incentive to attract those random browsers.

FORM & STRUCTURE:

In traditional poetry, the fixed shape of the meter, rhyme, and stanza creates an emotional distance which facilitates universal acceptance. The poet writing free verse must compensate for the lack of traditional structure by designing the title, line, stanza, and rhythm to provide the greatest impact in an efficient manner. Otherwise, the poem will be nothing more than prose in disguise. Careful design of the word selection and arrangement, the length and density of each line, and the breakdown of stanzas must provide a natural rhythm. That is, through much toil in search of precise language, experimentation with forming lines and stanzas, and extensive revision, the poet carefully crafts a work that appears natural, authentic, and convincing to the reader.

Although the single body of text seems to be in fashion these days, I believe you could help to control the pacing and sharpen the focus by dividing the composition into several stanzas. The stanza breaks would offer the reader an opportunity to absorb each impression more completely before moving along to the next. Perhaps a break before each reference to "flower" or "stem" at the end of a line?

IMAGERY:

Imagery is the lifeblood of a poem. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the poet uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the poet SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the poet stirs an emotional response from the reader.

The vivid details presented here, such as "Shattered, torn up, broken flower," enable your audience to form a strong connection, and the "flower" metaphor projects a powerful emotional reaction upon the screens of your readers' imaginations.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

The compelling imagery and pulsing language as your narrator describes the fall and recovery of this "flower" makes a strong emotional impression on your audience. Thank you for sharing!

If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting with a few like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place "  group.

Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com.

Let the creativity flow from your soul! *Cool*
Dave
"The Poet's Place " 
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