  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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I think many of you will agree with me. The washing machine eats socks, turns clothes different colors than they were when they entered the machine, and can be the source of a mystery that may take weeks to decipher. This Newsletter involves the last on the list--a mystery that boggled the mind! Read on and see what I mean ...
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Hello folks, and a great big HAPPY 9th BIRTHDAY,WDC!!!    Thank you SM & SMs for creating this site, which is such a wonderful, creative environment for all of us to enjoy! 
I am also celebrating my first anniversary as one of your Comedy Newsletter editors. ((YAY)) So let’s get on with this anniversary edition ...
Why do washing machines eat socks? Perhaps it’s because a steady diet of detergent, bleach and fabric softener gets boring.  Whatever the reason, the hard working appliance doesn’t always give back everything that was placed inside its tub.
Over the years I have grown accustomed to the missing sock, here and there, but recently, I was faced with the mystery of chewed-up clothes, towels and sheets. To make things worse, an expensive sport shirt was practically shredded when it emerged from the laundry basket at the end of the day, to be folded and put away. It wouldn’t have been so awful if the shirt belonged to me, however, it was a birthday gift to the Web-Lock of my life.
I was angry!  Determined to get to the bottom of the heinous act, I retraced the shirt’s steps. I started off with the laundry hamper, checking the bottom and sides for any protruding piece of wood, or a nail. It was smooth as a baby’s bottom! I went to the next spot of the shirt’s travails, the washing machine. It’s a front loader with no moving spinner section or agitator that one finds in a top loader. I swished my hand around the inside, to see if there were any rough spots there. Nada! Finally, I checked out the dryer. There were no spare parts from pockets hiding in the lint filter. “Hmmmmm,” I said to Web-Lock, “I don’t understand how your new shirt got so mangled. I saw nothing in either machine that could do such damage.”
Another laundry day came. All was quiet at WW’s house, until I heard words that I cannot repeat coming from WL’s mouth. “Look at this shirt, it is even more chewed up than before. Except, this time, there are patterned, tear-tracks all over the front of the shirt!” (No, I don’t know why he sent the shirt through the wash again when I knew he couldn’t wear it because it was already destroyed. However, I think he just wanted to see if the washing machine had it out for him and only him.  )
I apologized for my machine’s selective choice of food. It was a mystery as to why this particular knit of shirt was such a bite-magnet. I left the room and went back to my other life; WDC, of course! 
Moments later, I was called to the room where WL was folding the rest of the laundry that survived the machine’s wrath.
“Webbie, I believe I have found the perpetrator of this vicious crime!”
I looked down on the table, to where he was pointing and saw one of my unmentionables. Oh, whose kidding who, it was one of my bras! I mean, it looked innocent enough. I faced Web-Lock again and asked him why he thought this soft, smooth, piece of femininity, could possibly harm his shirt. 
Subsequently, like a sail on a ship, my bra was extended to reveal the back-hooks. 
“Look, WW, these tracks match the hooks’ size and shape and fit perfectly into the holes made on my shirt.”
Folks, I couldn’t argue with him. It was true. I am ashamed to say that I am the owner of killer bras! Needless to say, I can no longer sneak them into the wash with his shirts. You see, there is no free ride for an item that can remove your hide! Nevertheless, just you wait and see if one day, we are out to sea with a damaged sail. I wonder if my killer bra will come in handy then! 
It’s a wrap, folks! Thank you for letting me into a part of your world, here at WDC. Thanks for making this such a great year!!!
Until next time, laugh hard--laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch
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Running into an ex at the bar...
Killer squirrels!
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You may as well kiss a frog...
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Stop calling me, I'm on the phone!
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Teed-off, yet?!
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Love is blind ...
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Submitted by: Acme 
I know it might seem a little early, but the doors to the main event will open
on 12th September and remain squealing on their hinges until 29th October.
Sign ups for the Spooktators group are open now!
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Done, Acme! Folks, I suggest you join in this contest. It is a scream and a laugh all rolled into one! 
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
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In my last Comedy Newsletter, I challenged readers to come up with an anniversary short-short, with a touch of humor. Here goes, folks:
 WINNERS!!!
drjim Wins himself a Comedy Merit Badge for his submission:
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#1597799 by Not Available. |
Congratulations, Dr. Jim!
Lornda~ House of Martell ~  Al;so took the challenge and won herself a Comedy Merit Badge, with "Invalid Item" !
Congratulations, Lornda!
Newsletter comments from some WDC readers:
Sanchez
I found your story hilarious but your ending is dark comedy. Because the doctor saved lives in a positive way and you saved lives in a negative way.
I don't think the patients cared if I saved their lives in a negative way, they are just happy to be alive! Thank you for your feedback.
Shannon 
Holy moly, you're hilarious! And I know what it's like to live with someone who doesn't hear too good.  My youngest daughter had her music (I use that term loosely) turned up really loud one day, and it was driving my husband absolutely crazy. "For the love of almighty Jesus, turn that crap down!" he said. "What IS that noise, anyway?" "It's My Chemical Romance, Dad. They're only like one of the most popular groups out there. God, you're so old!" My husband looks at her quizically. "Who did you say it was?" he asked again. "My Chemical Romance," she mumbled. "Michael Pearlnuts!" my husband said. "What the hell kind of a name is that?"
Too funny, Shannon! You make the point I've been trying to convey to readers. It's easy to find the humor right in your own kitchen, living room or strangely enough, bedroom.  Thanks for the feedback and the personal experience story of living with one whose hearing is challenged.
drjim
Gee WW, after reading this editorial, I suddenly have a renewed understanding of what life must be like for the hearing impaired! Always informative, even if we BELIEVE we have heard it right the 1st, 2nd and 4th time! Way to go - keep on writing!
I guess ears are in the eyes of the beholder, eh, Doc?
Good job with the anniversary comedy short! Thank you for entering.
NAME-ME
great newsletter!!!!
Thank you Web-Son-Warlock! No I'm not buying that brand new gadget you want so badly. Wait until your birthday. That's my final answer. Oh, and thanks for the feedback!
redfern-p
your amazing webbie!
i know of no-one who can entertain and enthrall in the way that you do....
the fact that you can be so candid and honest about your dillemma (if this be what it is) and my no 1 friend Doc's deafness means that you are so much more special!
The both of you!
Many times, to many poeple i have said that you are an inspiration to everyone on this site....the more i learn about you - the more i am certain that this is the case....therefore, i am honered to be deemed as being one of your friends.....
Webbie, you and Doc .... rock!
congratulations my dear friend on your first amazing year as a the comedy editor, and on behalf of eveyone who visits this wonderful publication that always, always leaves me lifted with happiness....may i wish you all the best in your second year....
i - for one - am more than a fan!
paul
Thank you for your kind words, Paul. You rock too!!!
Thank you for your feedback! We editors really appreciate it.
Good-bye summer, to all of us in the Northern Hemisphere. Hello autumn, filled with all the richness of colorful leaves and fun-tastic festivities. Halloween time on WDC can't be beat! Don't miss out in all the fun and games hosted all over the site.
See you next month, folks.
WW |
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Comedy: September 16, 2009 Issue [#3270]
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