A Hugging Fool

I don’t know when it happened;
somehow I missed that day.
But everybody’s hugging now.
At least it seems that way.

What happened to the handshake?
The simple, “How are you?”
Now everybody wants to hug
and so you have to too.

I never was a hugger,
maybe a little shy.
I’d rather wave and say, “Hello.”
Then wave and say, “Goodbye.”

It isn’t just the women.
Some men will do it too.
And when they move in for the clutch
I don’t know what to do.

But now I’m in a quandary.
Sometimes I’m at a loss.
If I ignore those outstretched arms,
how would that come across?

I had to think of something.
I had to have a plan.
I may not be a hugging fool
but I’m a thinking man.

At first I just stopped bathing.
That didn’t go so well.
Along with everybody else,
I couldn’t stand the smell.

And so I think I’ve solved this.
I wipe and blow my nose.
They think I have a nasty cold
and who wants one of those?

And then I do some moaning,
and maybe even twitch.
And then I’ll scratch and rub my head
like I’ve a fearsome itch.

They look at me with wonder.
What is this strange disease?
I then pull out a handkerchief
and fake a great big sneeze.

So they stay far away now.
And that is fine with me.
It’s for the best for all of us.
I think you would agree.