MOTHER!

MOTHER!

It was all so easy when the children were small, and thought I walked on water. It changed as they entered the teen-age years. They began to see me with a more critical eye, comparing me to "other mothers".

I was a single mother, and working was a necessity. Therefore, I found that there was just enough time to get done what HAD to be done and it didn't include many of the things I wanted to do. Somehow the children were fed, clothed and cared for with all the love I could muster. It was taken for granted that I would be home at night, tucking them into their beds and reading a bedtime story.

I asked God for patience, and asked him to hurry. It was too much to ask for, I know now. There were times when the children made me think twice about the reasons I had wanted them so much before their arrivals. It seems they always had a "want list", whether it was taking them to the mall for something they just HAD to have, or baking cookies at eight p.m. for a school party. I
would never be the "perfect mother" but I tried.

Miracles do happen, and the children grew up, left home and married. I was alone in the remains of the house they left behind. A chance to be free, to be ME, to have all the time I wanted to splurge on myself. Now that may seem selfish, but it had been almost thirty years of motherhood, and I was ready for a break.

One of the first things I did was to take a good look at what was left of my figure. I cried as I added Slim-Fast to my shopping list. Once in the mall, I waltzed into the hairdressers, and asked for a new "do". They were excited, it seems they hadn't seen such a hairdo as mine in years. "We'll take ten years off in no time!" they exclaimed! "How about adding a bit of color?"
I smiled, nodded and let them at me.

An hour later, I emerged from the beauty shop, a lot less hair and a bright auburn coloring. I hardly recognized myself in the mirror! Next was a dress shop, where I found a 'tent' of a dress that fit perfectly. It was a bit loud, but it felt right, and I could hardly wait to take it on its first night out. In the shoe shop, they asked me to try on a pair of heels. Taking off my sneakers and pulling on some nylon, I eased my feet into the shoes. Oh, yes! With the dress they would be perfect. I tried to stand and felt a fear of flying. It would take some getting used to. I had been a "comfortable Mom" for too long. Writing a check for my purchase, I walked out and grabbed a snack at the nearest counter that offered food.

A bottle of wine, a loaf of bread with the best cheese in town and I was ready to head for home. Once there, I changed into my new outfit, then made myself comfortable on the sofa with a glass of wine and snack. I had invited a friend from work over for the evening. A nice looking chap who was recently widowed, in his early sixties. He was just a friend, and I looked forward to a pleasant evening.

The doorbell rang, and I jumped up to answer it. As I opened the door, my heart sank. There was my youngest daughter, red-eyed and looking tired. "Oh, Mother!" she cried. Into my arms she flung her body, never noticing that I was a bit taken back by her arrival. She stepped back and took a look at me, and the reaction was comical.
"Mother! What have you done to yourself?"

Sherry had lost her job and needed to move back in for awhile. She was the one unmarried daughter, and for some reason, she never wanted to replace the person who read her bedtime stories. I had been hoping for a great job or a great husband, whichever came first, for her. Now I told her to take her things up to her old room and get settled in.

As she went upstairs, the doorbell rang again. This time when I opened it, there was my friend, smiling and handing me roses! I asked him in and offered him a glass of wine as he settled onto the sofa. Sherry came downstairs soon after, with a look of disbelief. I could almost hear her shouting "Mother!". I introduced Henry to her, and asked her to join us. "uhh, no thanks, Mom, I am really tired. Going to rest for a bit." She went back upstairs and the phone soon clicked as she dialed out. No doubt she was phoning her sisters to tell them their mother had flipped out.

Henry seemed quite used to the fact that my daughter was taken aback by my appearance and his presence. I remembered he had fathered four daughters and a son. I wondered if they would be as flabbergasted at their father as my daughter was with me. My goodness, you would think we were over the hill.

We watched a movie on the television, then just chatted for a bit. Henry invited me to dinner and dancing for the weekend. Things were looking up! I was finally dating again! My thoughts ran to what I could wear to further impress him. At the stroke of ten, Henry took leave. I would see him at work Monday, but in the meantime, I longed for a goodnight kiss and a promise of a call.

As I let him out the door, he leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "It's a start" I thought. I shut the door softly behind him and turned to face my daughter, who had been watching from the stairs. It was my turn for the "third degree" that I used to give her.

"Mother!" she started. Then she began to smile, as sweet and endearing as she was at ten years old. "It didn't take you long to make a life for yourself, and I am proud of you!" She came down the stairs and gave me a hug. "Not a trace of the grey we put into your hair, and all dolled up with a boyfriend!" I do believe I blushed. "Sue and Jan are really excited about you, too. I told them.." Her hand flew to cover her mouth. We hugged again and talked until midnight.

Perhaps the moral of this story is that mothers have to let go of their children, and the children have to let go of their mothers. We all change with time, and we all wish to be free to be ourselves.

Countrymom
1/17/05